Separations and Toddlers?

[chely7425]

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I figure it was worth a shot.. my H (definitely not dear right now...) has decided he wants a separation... we have a 14 month old, a 28 month old and I am 30 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. He is deploying soon so we will reevaluate things when he gets back but me and the kids are moving back to my home town. How do I make this as easy as possible on the kids? They will be surrounded by people who love them (my parents, brother and sister and my best friends family and all our other family friends) and there is a lot for us to do up there but they both love their daddy... how do I do this?

[PoppyMama]

Wow. I'm so sorry that your husband is doing this. I would prepare them pretty much as you would have needed to for his deployment....gone is goine to younger kids. Have you been explaining to your older child that he's going to be gone for a while? Can he skype with them while he's gone. I think seeing/hearing is important for younger kids to stay connected.

I really hope this turns out well for you.

[chely7425]

I am not sure if he will be able to Skype with them at all... I asked if he would be calling and stuff before he actually deploys and his only answer was that he would do his best. His internet/phone situation while deployed is still pretty up in the air. We have been trying to talk to them about how Daddy will be gone for work but I really don't think they get it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Can you make them a little picture book of pictures with them and their dad, and pictures of your H doing work things so that they can 'see' what he's doing while he's away? My ds LOVES to look at pictures of his dad (he's 19mo), and will see a picture of him and his dad and say, "dada, baby!" (I don't think he gets that its HIM in the picture yet, but he knows who dad is!).

[chely7425]

Yeah, we have a ton of pictures... making them a book is a really good idea. Trevor LOVES to point out people in pictures.

[PoppyMama]

Originally Posted by chely7425

I asked if he would be calling and stuff before he actually deploys and his only answer was that he would do his best.

That is a pitiful answer. I'm sorry he is being so irresponsible. I would look at the pictures with them but I wouldn't go overboard and would wait to see what kind of commitment he is going to follow through with. If he blows them off for the most part I wouldn't make him too important of a their lives. It will just confuse and upset them if he ignores them but they hear about him all the time.

[chely7425]

He is being a total ass... he is SO selfish. All he thinks about is himself, pretty much all the time. One of the main reasons he said he wasn't happy was because I expect him to do stuff with the kids when he comes home from work. He seriously thinks that because he works he shouldn't have to do ANYTHING when he comes home.

[PoppyMama]

Given that I wouldn't go overboard trying to keep him a big part of their lives. If he's going to abandon them it's better they don't pine for too long. Try to fill their lives with positive male influences from people who will stick around.

[chely7425]

Yeah, I think I need to find some sort of happy balance ya know? My dad is awesome with them and my best friends husband is too. I know John and my dad will do everything they can with them.

[kryztuh]

Your H sounds like my H. I have a 23 month old and 34 weeks along. It's hard.

[single_cj]

Boooooooooo! chely7425, I feel you, though, in regards to the not-wanting-to-do-anything when he's home. My "D"H is the same way (hence our current separation). I'm expected to work at home from 6:30AM - 7:30PM, doing 100% of childcare, 98% of housework, etc., but he works from 9 - 5 and needs his precious "me time" when he's home. Lord have mercy.



Anyway, I don't have any advice for you as I'm going through it now myself... I packed the kids up & moved 1000 miles away and we still haven't figured out how to discuss it with the kids. I DID just pick up "Mom's House, Dad's House", though, and I'm hoping that will help me out!

Best wishes!

[chely7425]

Thanks guys I am sure it will go smoother than I am thinking.. it is all just VERY overwhelming right now because we have like... 9 days to get everything set up to move because I can't do the 2500 mile drive myself and that is the only leave time he has...