kids getting bored

[P.J.]

Hi! I usually post in the baby forum, I'm a new mama. But here's one for the mothers of kiddos:

My family is coming to visit for the next 5 days. They have a 6 y.o. daughter, my half-sister. They are terribly concerned about her getting bored while they're here and pretty much the whole planning revolves around her not getting bored. They're coming over from the US (I live in Germany) to meet my new baby, and I get the feeling there can be no just hanging out at home, because the girl will get bored.

I'm wondering, as a future mama of an older child, is this just normal for all kids? I mean, I remember getting bored as a kid, and how crazy it drove my mom. However, I wonder if it has to do with lifestyle. My dad and his wife are not at all into AP or NFL and are raising their kids pretty mainstream. They are totally over-scheduled and busy and running around all the time. So I wonder if this creates kids who cannot just play by themselves or hang out and relax at all? BTW she watches no tv, except sometimes DVD movies. I also realize she'll be far from home and away from all her usual toys, so that probably plays a role as well.

I appreciate your experiences. Thanks!

[Llyra]

My kids are sometimes bored. I look at it as a positive thing, though. Kids need time to think, and just "be," and to use their imaginations. I remember long hours as a kid that I spent wandering around in the yard just looking at things, or hanging around with a friend making up silly stories, or looking out the window, or watching ants crawl in the gardens, and stuff like that. Those are the hours when I really grew, on the inside, and got acquainted with my own inner landscape.

If my kids are bored, I leave them alone. If they complain that they're bored, I say, "Yeah, I feel that way sometimes, too." But I won't exert myself trying to entertain them out of their boredom. They have the inner resources to do that for themselves.

Sometimes it's loneliness, rather than boredom, and if I get the sense that that's what it is, I will offer to read with a child, or play a game, or just offer a cuddle and a little talk. Sometimes I'll send DD1 to find a friend to play with, too, because she's kinda extroverted, and goes a little nuts when she hasn't got anyone to talk to, but she's still not always AWARE that that's what she needs.

If they get whiny, and the boredom turns into annoying behavior, then I redirect not by suggesting entertaining activities, but by assigning chores. "If you have time to hang around and complain, then you have time to help me. Here, go put these groceries away in the pantry."

However.... away from home, in a strange home in a strange country, I think things are a little different. A child may be feeling insecure or homesick, and planning some activities is probably a good idea. But not so much that the child becomes exhausted-- travel schedules that involve dawn-to-dusk busyness are way too much for kids, I think.

But yeah, I do agree with you about overscheduled kids. Totally.

[LuckyMommaToo]

Well, in spite of all his AP raising, my DS (almost 7) is very high-energy, outgoing and restless. So him being in a house with a new baby and none of his usual "stuff" would make everyone crazy.

Most girls that age we know really love crafts. Could you offer to get some craft things so she'd have something to do in the downtime?

I really hope the visit goes well!
-e

[ChetMC]

Being Bored

Our kids don't get bored. They can make anything into a toy or a game. Our problem is when we are places where the stuff they think of to play is problematic for the environment.

I agree with Llyra. Often, the issue isn't real boredom. Kids are actually lonely, constrained, or feeling unsure.

Being able to entertain yourself is a skill. I totally agree that kids who are very over-scheduled, who spend a lot of time with peers, and who have a lot of screen time may fail to develop these skills. Some of it is certainly related to personality though.

Maybe her parents just think she will get bored without the scheduling. Maybe she'll surprise them.

Our kids love baby toys. People give our baby toys and old older kids use them.

Craft supplies, modeling dough, paper and markers, sticker books, typically do go a long way entertaining girls that age.

[proudmamanow]

I have a 5 yo who does not self-entertain easily. And this is not from lack of AP parenting or overscheduling, fwiw. But I can see how that scenario could be a bit challenging, especially if she's expected to be quiet a lot so the baby can sleep & there aren't other kids close to her age to play with.

Great ideas from PPs here--I would totally echo the craft supplies, also my daughter loves to help out, so if you can get her to help with baking or cooking, or even simple cleaning (like washing the floor, cleaning the bathroom--dd loves this) that would be great too--she would feel like she was being helpful and would be occupied. Otherwise, I would suggest just going for walks to a local playground etc, where you could relax with the baby while she plays.

That being said, you will have a lot of extra adults on hand...your parents and yourself, so at least 3, right? There should be someone who can take her for a couple of special outings or do something with her...

[P.J.]

Thanks for the replies so far.

Originally Posted by ChetMC

Maybe her parents just think she will get bored without the scheduling. Maybe she'll surprise them.

I think this hits the nail on the head. Yesterday evening my dad and his DD were here at our place, for just a couple hours. I had a lot of fun with my little half-sister just showing each other our "toys" (my toys being my handbag collection!) and the cats. She also seemed to love being around the baby and I bet she could play with him for hours on end. In fact I got the feeling she was so happy to see me and be here that not too much else would be needed for just these few days.

But later on, as we were discussing today's plans, my dad said "Well we really need to keep her busy or else...." and made a look like "you know". So yes, I think it's likely at least somewhat in the parents' heads.

BTW today they brought over a little bag with some of her toys. We also have some crafts materials if she does get bored.

[Flower of Bliss]

DD1 is almost 4. For awhile when we had out of town family come visit (all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc are out of town), I wouldn't make any plans besides hang out at home to visit. There are tons of things for her to do at our house, and I wanted her to show everyone her space and things and for us all to visit.

However, this didn't usually go too well. DD1 would get so excited and wound up. She would climb all over the visitor, make demands, whine, and bounce off of the walls. She was desperate to get ALL of the attention of our guests the whole time they were here. Our guests would get overwhelmed with the intensity. Sitting and having adult conversations over coffee resulted in DD1 melting down. Nap times were impossible (not easy on a good day, add in exciting people downstairs and it fell apart). By dinner time we'd all be going nuts. Bedtimes were quite rough too.

Now, on a regular day at home, DD1 can happily play, mostly solo, for hours at a time. Now that DD2 is hitting toddlerhood, the girls play together beautifully for a long time (on good days... they bicker too). I can sit down and drink coffee and nurse the baby without DD1 losing it (well, most of the time )

So, now when family comes to visit, I plan outings - to the zoo, to the park, etc. They get an experience with DD1. We have a fun exciting day out of the house. The adults can visit some while we walk around, etc. The adults don't get bored (I admit it, I get bored with a whole day of just playing with a preschooler). All of the activity gets DD1 worn out and helps with bedtime.

A couple of simple outings might make a huge difference in their visit for all of you.