Quick help talk me out of sending 9 yr old to brick and mortar

[ohiomommy1122]

So I love homeschooling but DS9 has had such the attitude latley I seem to be spending more time reprimanding him that teaching the little ones. Then leaving him upstairs to do solo work for hours because he just won't focus I'm heading to a school open house today I have been eyeing for 2 years it is a charter school but a maritime acadamy and it seems really neat but no matter how cool the school seems there is peer pressure bullying, getting held back because someone isn't getting the info etc.. I need support in helping me keep my desicion to continue to homeschool. please help my DH is supportive no matter what I choose, but we cannot afford a private or mostessori so this seems like the only option.

Heck who knows maybe I wont like it here is the link http://www.maritimeacademy.us/

please help I need opinions

[elizawill]

does your son want to attend? is he tired of homeschooling? i guess those are the first things that come to mind. i agree that homeschooling shouldn't feel miserable, so i totally sympathize with needing a change. i'm just wondering what his thoughts are? if he wants to try school, i would probably let him if you two are just arguing a lot. the only stipulation that *i* would have is to let him come back home if it wasn't working for him. i'm so sorry you're going through this. i hope someone gives you good advice. hugs.

[zjande]

Do you think sending him to school will improve his attitude & make him more obedient?

[phathui5]

I generally think putting him with a group of kids his age will just make his attitude towards you worse.

On the other hand, the school you posted looks pretty cool. What does your ds want to do? What are your reasons for choosing homeschooling? Would school fit with the rest of your life?

[shoefairy3]

Personally, I don't think that public school is going to really fix anything. Yea, it is going to give you more time to focus on the other kids during school hours, but that is it. When mine act up during lesson times, they lose priviledges to things like computer access or earn themselves more chores. This is just what works for us.

[Lillian J]

It strikes me that a missing piece to the puzzle is what's causing his moods. How about moving focus away from the little ones for a while to spending time being with him in a way that would feel good to both of you? There seems to be something about the current set up that's not working well for him, and maybe it would be a lot easier to connect with him and find out what he's really feeling if you could arrange more cozy one-on-one time with him during which you're not trying to teach him or enforce assignments but are just being with him in a fun and supportive way and letting him have a more relaxed chance to let you know what's on his mind and how he's experiencing things.

As the parent of an only child, I was often in the situation of being able to see dynamics in families with multiple children that were simply not so easy for the parents to see up close. One of the things I saw a lot was older children, especially boys, feeling somewhat removed from the younger ones and longing for more attention and respect for their own changing needs. They're often treated as if they're just the oldest of the children, when they actually see themselves as no longer so much of a child, but someone who deserves more individual attention and affection in their own rite. One thing I've seen a lot with boys coming into puberty at that age and into the early teens is a growing need to break away from the apron strings but still have their moms' affection.

The materials you're using may not be suitable for the way he learns and perceives - or they may be working through methods he feels as repetitive and unnecessary, boring or tedious. You mention that he's sent off to do solo work because he won't focus - I wondered if that means he's distracted by the little ones having more play or fun time with what they're doing. If he were to have more input over what he needs and what works well for him, it shouldn't as much time to get a lot of learning in with a lot less work. If you can take time to play enjoyable educational games with him, even math games, in a fun and relaxed way while the younger ones do something else, that might give you a chance to spend some healing time together while still feeling you're making educational progress.

He might really enjoy the array of possibilities at school, but I'd be careful not to let him feel as though he's being pushed out of the nest to allow more attention to the younger ones. Even though he's getting older and might be wanting to be treated more as such, he still a child and has emotional needs that are just not necessarily so obvious.

- Lillian

[Lillian J]

Needing to get off the computer and get a whole lot of projects underway, but I wanted to clarify that when I mentioned I'd been able to see certain dynamics from the viewpoint of the oldest child, it was just because my son was often friends with one and so found himself in the middle of what was going on. - Lillian

[sierramv]

Hi!!

We are in EXACTLY the same place with E! I get so frustrated! Lillian's advice really struck a cord with me because even though he seems to want to be treated more like an adult (he wrote up a "family constitution"); he started responding better to me when I smothered him with loves all the time for no reason at all. It was very cute actually!

This is probably going to sound bad but I find if I stop what I am doing and am really 'present' with him when we are interacting then he is like a different kid. It's hard with 2 little ones running around, most of the time I feel like I am on auto-pilot! But he knows when I am distracted, which is most of the time, and he gets resentful. I'm not sure if this is your DS issue but we are working through the same thing. So want to give you a big hug.

Vanessa

[ohiomommy1122]

THank you all for your responses.
I think that yes he feels that since he is 5 years older than then next child the others are 4 2 and 1 he feels like he should be treated like more of an adult but then also resents the fact that they are playing when he is working and that they have so few chores and he has so many. and that I really do not get much one one one with him because the littles require so much of my time.

I did check out the school they didn't know what to do with a gifted child or one that is 2 years ahead of the ohio standerd. Thet said they usually deal with kids that are behind. they do have cool sea scouts program that he can join with out being in the school and so we will start with that. Thet are going to look further into seeing if we can take the nautical classes and not the others as long as I submit and comply with state testing and prove I still am teaching him. So for now thats how we are going to leave it and just see how it goes.

He likes homeschooling but did express interst in this school because of all the nautical training

if I did send him at this point I would be afraid he would be borad and just cause trouble because he is borad!

another one of lifes hard descisions

[Lisa1970]

I would not send him. To put it nicely, an entire school of kids who are usually behind kind of indicates a program for mostly troubled kids, or at least kids with special needs and such. Not that I think anyone should snub a child in need, but to place your child in a situation where all his peers are needy like that, I think your son's problems will increase. I think the school will expect little of him and the problems will get worse. I think the social environment and the friends he makes will not be what you want.

[sweet~potato]

I have recently been at a similar place with my almost 10 yo. What Lillian posted about being so focused on the little ones (I have a 1 yo who is always headed for trouble, lol) is sooo true. Out of frustration for feeling like i was not having enough time to focus one on one with him I suggested school. Ds said he didn't want to go, that he likes homeschooling. I knew that if I ever sent him unwillingly, he would feel resentful of little ds and me. I've been trying to do more with my 10 yo and just give him more attention/cuddles and I can see it's been changing things already.