So, I confided in a friend (I'm being very selective in who I share with because I KNOW people's reactions...as uninformed as they may be). Here is part of what she wrote to me in an email today. I need help responding, as I am too emotional about it right now.
I have so many thoughts going through my mind. I *thought* she was so educated on how non-intervention HBs are so much safer, but she is coming with so much fear, and such an "allopathic, mainstream is best" mentality. Not at all what I thought she was. Of course, I've learned my lesson and will keep my mouth SHUT from now on, but how would you respond to this? There are so many false statements, I don't even know where to begin!
|I’ve thought a lot about risks as a parent...the risk of a vaccine vs. the risk of getting the disease. The risks of a HB vs. the risks of hospital birth. With each choice we’ve made we’ve had to ask ourselves if we’d be ok if one of the risks turned into a real problem because of the decision we made. So I want to encourage you to really think about the risks of what could go wrong if you birth without help, and to be sure that you’ll be able to be ok with the consequences, if anything were to go wrong. I also realize there’s just a risk in birth itself— there are no guarantees that everything will turn out well, no matter where you are.
I would guess that if anyone ever did a statistical study of the risks of a UC, the odds are probably in your favor that everything would turn out fine for mom and baby. But if something did go wrong, I hope that you would be able to get medical help to you quickly. I’m not sure how far you are from a hospital, but 40 min is a long way to the birth center if you’re in the middle of laboring or pushing and decide you need help. The one thing I keep thinking about is what if the cord is wrapped around the baby’s neck? I suppose you might know if you’re listening to the fetal heartbeat. I’m not an expert on this stuff so I don’t know how it works, but I just keep thinking, what if the baby has brain damage because of something like this? I really hope this wouldn’t happen, but if it does, are you ok with taking on that risk? I also keep thinking about you. What if you have a bad tear? Or even a minor one? Who sews you up?? My friend had her first baby come out with her fist up by her head and she tore badly. She had a relatively inexperienced hospital midwife sew her up, but it wasn’t done well. She ended up getting an abscess, and about a year later had to have surgery to re-do the botched sew up job. I doubt this happens much, but her story was so awful that it’s stuck in my head! I just want to be sure you don’t have [your husband] sew up something serious, only to have to have vaginal reconstructive surgery down the road And like the midwife said, what if you hemorrhage? Could an ambulance get to you quickly and would they be able to stop the bleeding quickly enough? All of these are awful situations that hopefully won’t happen, but if you do go the UC route, I just hope that you’ve got a back up system ready to go if needed.
I remember being SO upset when my doctor was encouraging me to induce with N (ended up not happening), but there were some fears about her rolling on her cord and they wanted her out. I remember DH saying to me something like— are you going to choose to go with your preferred birth experience and risk the health of our child? Of course the answer was no. I wanted a birth where no one put anything in me, but I also knew that I wasn’t willing to risk the health of our baby so I could birth exactly the way I wanted to. If you do end up deciding that the risks of a UC birth are too high, hopefully you’ll be able to see the birthing center as a positive place, which minimizes those risks rather than viewing it as a negative place where they might intervene. And I really hope they would respect your wishes and only intervene if absolutely necessary.
I really didn’t want to go to the hospital this second time, but at least at ours (which has a reputation for not being natural childbirth friendly) totally respected my written birth plan. A lot of it came down to my doctor too, who knew me, knew how I birthed, and just let me be. I actually had 2 really wonderful natural births at the hospital, so I’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who was left alone, but appreciated that the help was there if I needed it.
I hope that if you do end up at the birth center (or a hospital), that they will respect your birth plan. Hopefully your dh could do the sticking up for you if needed. And if you do end up there, I hope it’ll still be a good birth experience for you. In my opinion, the safe arrival of the baby is the most important thing and the dream birth experience is secondary. I hope you get both of these things wherever you end up having your baby. And if you do decide that you’re prepared and ready to accept the risks of a UC, I will be praying fervently for you and the baby! I’ll pray fervently for you if you end up at the birth center too
Thanks for letting me say all of this. As with the midwife and all of your friends who’ve made comments or given you strange looks, we care about you and your family and don’t want you to get into a situation that might have been avoided if someone who is trained in birth had been there.