When my ex took all his belongings from the house, I was not there - the kids and I left for the weekend so we wouldn't be there, though he thought it would be "good for them" to watch him pack up. I figured it was worth the risk he'd take some of my things, to keep the kids from sobbing and stuff. Besides, I had all the jewelry in my purse.
Anyways, I came home and that Sunday night, I went to take my vitamins and one of the bottles was missing. It was an old bottle which I had emptied, and refilled with calcium from my giant Costco-sized bottle so it'd fit in the medicine cabinet. The date stamped on the bottle indicated they were 3 years expired. And the bottle was missing.
I sent him a text and asked if he'd taken the bottle of my vitamins. He said "Only the ones I that I bought. I'm going to need vitamins now that I'll be living on rice and beans."
The bottle of vitamins that didn't even contain vitamins and if it had, they would've been expired for 3 years, which he had initially purchased like FIVE years earlier, and he never even took often enough to know that they'd been consumed years ago. I still think it's the funniest thing I've ever heard of.