WWYD about this situation?

[Lilypie32]

So the ex has seen DS for approximately 4 hours in the past 16 months. All 4 hours took place at my home and were supervised as DS has special needs and dad cannot seem to deal with his issues and doesn't care to be much involved. Even when we were married I did everything for DS.

This past spring we had to go to court for child support and he started talking about wanting to be a part of child's life, blah blah blah, etc. He came to my house 1 time since then and visited for 3 hours. I had not seen or heard from him since last April. This week he starts calling about every other day to see how DS is. We talk civilly (as we always do because I refuse to fight with him) and he mentions he'd like to pick up DS to go bowling or to the park, etc. I do want them to have a relationship. I really do. But it is not my responsibility to make this happen and I refuse to do so. I happened to be in his part of the woods 2 days ago and called him to see if he wanted us to stop by and he never returned my call. Today he calls to see when he can pick DS up. I'm trying to be nice but I'm afraid he will take him and not return him. We do not have a court order for visitation as he has never been interested. He is the type to do anything to hurt me including taking DS. He was emotionally abusive to me in that past.

So, I have decided to call him and tell him that DS does not want to go with him and that if he'd like he can come visit him at our home. DS has stated vehemently that he does not want to go off with dad without me. He is not big on change and has no bond with his dad. Visitation here at my home would be pleasant as usual as I try to work and stay out of the way. We chat easily and things would be fine.

WWYD in this sitch? Would you tell your child to go? Have dad visit at your home? Tell dad no visitation until court order is in place? As a side note, dad never wanted custody. He assumed right away I would be sole guardian. I just can't shake this feeling he is going to run with him. Maybe I've lost my marbles......

[DeerMother]

If it's a feeling you can't shake, I say heed it.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by deermother

if it's a feeling you can't shake, i say heed it.

ita

[babygirlie]

Perhaps he needs to build on his relationship first and trust with you before wisking a near stranger off to lord knows where. I say also keep a watchful eye on him. Like you did offering to go to the park WITH them (though a busy bowling alley might be better) was a good idea.

[Theia]

In your situation, I would get court ordered custody/visitation established. Just present it to him as something to legally protect both of you (and DS) since ex seems to be so suddenly interested in being in his life. Even if ex backs off or disappears, I'd still go through with it just so that it's documented and not something that can come back to bite you later.

[hillymum]

I would invite him into your home (if you are comfortable with that) or meet at a public place and stay with them or close by. Your childs father does (I hate saying this) deserve the oppertunity to have a relationship with his child but it needs to be a regular possitive experience which builds into a trusting caring relationship.As you do this you can go to court if desired to make it official. TThen if your x misses his time you can record it.

[vannienicole]

Trust your gut. I agree with pp about giving ex time, but in your presence. He needs to gain his son's trust as much as yours.