Do you feel like your lazy?

[dakotablue]

I'm only asking because lately I feel like cosleeping is more for me than him. DS can go to sleep my rubbing, rocking, bouncing, walking. But Breastfeeding is so much easier and faster.

He can sleep in his own space (sidecar crib) but he sleeps longer when cuddled.

I know I need to work on consistent alone sleeping because were pregnant and don't think I'll feel comfortable with newborn and DS.

Part of this is Dh...he has been moody lately and every time I try to help him with DS (ie I don't want DS to watch tv, but he is fussy so Dh puts on the history channel and hold DS facing TV, when just simply sitting on the floor while DS plays would have the same result and Dh could watch TV) Dh said, "Well sorry I don't have boobs"

I've told him this is hurtful to chalk up everything I do just to nursing, that I don't parent. He says he doesn't mean that, but its easier for me (maybe because I have more experience with kids...)

So I'm doubting my parenting choices. What do you all think. Do you sometimes feel lazy? do you think I am?

I know this is and everything topic, but bedtime is really the only thing I could see needing to change. DS is 10m

[akind1]

I told one of our friends lately that a lot of my parenting choices are chalked up to lazyness (they are best for babe, too) like co-sleeping and bf'ing. I don't think it is lazy to nurse babe to sleep, esp in the middle of the night; who wants to fight to get babe back to sleep some other way, when nursing is so much easier and faster, and can be done while you are half asleep?

besides, the options then are nightweaning or not cosleeping (or both) and at 10 months, maybe that seems early to me, IDK.

but I see no problem - especially since you are pregnant - making some choices out of ease/lazyness.

also, I have come to learn that DH and I just have different parenting styles and that is ok, because, truthfully, he doesn't have the boobs!

DH also is really good at getting DS down for naps. It takes longer w/o the boobs, but he alternates gentle play with soothing, and it works for him, so I just let it be.

[Attached2Elijah]

Is your babe getting the maximum amount of sleep because he doesn't have to scream and cry for the things he wants and is happy because he's not tired? Does nursing make baby happy? Are YOU happier because you actually get some sleep in turn making for a happy baby because mommy is not tired?

See the keyword there? A HAPPY baby because of the choices you make. That, to me, is not lazy parenting... That to me is making the best choices you can for the happiest baby possible.

And whoever said everything in parenting has to be hard? Feel confident in doing it the easier way now... because I promise you, things will get harder as they get older whether you try to take the lazy way or not. Sometimes I wish there WAS a lazy way when it comes to my almost 7 year old.

And like PP said, it took a long time for me to accept that DH's parenting style is different from mine and that's okay. History channel, That's really not so bad... at least it's not Family Guy (yes, my husband watches that with my children... UGH!) but we have to learn to accept that they do things their way. We chose them to be the father of our children, we just have to learn to trust them with them as well.

[rightkindofme]

I don't think you are lazy, and I'm not lazy either. You spend how many freakin hours a day attached to your kid unable to meet your own basic needs. LAZY?!

The age difference between my kids will be larger than yours (27 months) but I can tell you that my older child is really not ready to sleep alone. She wakes up sobbing hysterically if we try to have her sleep alone. So for the first few months I will sleep in a different room with tiny baby and my husband will cosleep with our older child. To facilitate this I nightweaned a while ago (at 18 months. I wouldn't feel all that comfortable doing it much earlier but I know that other people have different situations) and my husband does the nighttime parenting for our daughter already so she doesn't feel ousted by the new baby. Pregnancy takes a while and getting started on changing systems early is a good idea so it doesn't feel sudden and awful to older child to have the new baby.

[texmati]

I did it cause it's easy-- and I'm lazy to a fault. Either by evolution or by design in this case the easiest most natural way also happens to be the best way.

I posted in another thread-- if you had never read a book on parenting, or talked to a friend about parenting how would you put you kiddo to bed? This is the way it's *supposed* to be. Separate sleeping is not just hard on the parent, but it's hard on the babe as well.

[rightkindofme]

Originally Posted by texmati

I posted in another thread-- if you had never read a book on parenting, or talked to a friend about parenting how would you put you kiddo to bed? This is the way it's *supposed* to be. Separate sleeping is not just hard on the parent, but it's hard on the babe as well.

Respectfully, I'm not sure this is true. If I had never read any research whatsoever I would totally be behind CIO. And endlessly explaining things to children and redirecting while they have no impulse control is WAY harder than smacking them.

However, I've done my research and I know that neither of these are good choices. I'm glad the internet exists!

[texmati]

Originally Posted by rightkindofme

Respectfully, I'm not sure this is true. If I had never read any research whatsoever I would totally be behind CIO. And endlessly explaining things to children and redirecting while they have no impulse control is WAY harder than smacking them.

However, I've done my research and I know that neither of these are good choices. I'm glad the internet exists!

Well, I guess I was specifically talking about nursing a kiddo to sleep. Where would you get the idea for CIO, if you had never heard about it before?

I guess I feel this way because most of my family (from a different culture/country), thinks CIO/ sleeping in different room, is sort of nutty. The only people that I've heard talk about it are in reference to a book or some sort of parenting method. I feel that it's counter-intuitive.

ITA with you about gd, ect.

[scottishmommy]

Nope, not lazy. I'm doing what works best my family. It may not be the best for other families, but it's great for us.

[Katie T]

Originally Posted by Attached2Elijah

Is your babe getting the maximum amount of sleep because he doesn't have to scream and cry for the things he wants and is happy because he's not tired? Does nursing make baby happy? Are YOU happier because you actually get some sleep in turn making for a happy baby because mommy is not tired?

See the keyword there? A HAPPY baby because of the choices you make. That, to me, is not lazy parenting... That to me is making the best choices you can for the happiest baby possible.

And whoever said everything in parenting has to be hard? Feel confident in doing it the easier way now... because I promise you, things will get harder as they get older whether you try to take the lazy way or not. Sometimes I wish there WAS a lazy way when it comes to my almost 7 year old.

And like PP said, it took a long time for me to accept that DH's parenting style is different from mine and that's okay. History channel, That's really not so bad... at least it's not Family Guy (yes, my husband watches that with my children... UGH!) but we have to learn to accept that they do things their way. We chose them to be the father of our children, we just have to learn to trust them with them as well.

Right on mama! I couldn't have said it any better.

Although I joke that I breastfeed because it is the lazy mans way. (about myself) I also know in my heart that what I do cosleep, breastfeed, is for the better of my children. I love that if they are hurt, tired, sad, mad, hungry, thirsty I can just whip one out and sit and relax for awhile. Sometimes nursing is the only time TO sit down.

No I don't think you are lazy, I think you are being a great mom!

[sapphire_chan]

Yes, you're horribly lazy to get enough sleep at night to be a good parent during the day. For shame. As punishment (hush now, GDers, she's been bad) I command you to snuggle with your baby and stop worrying about it. Oh, and go to the park if the weather permits.

[meemee]

no NOT lazy at all.

i think true parenting is about the FAMILY. not JUST the child.

you parent yourself, your partner AND your child.

right now it is 10:30 am. i am still in bed with dd. why? because she will sleep longer. yeah she is almost 8. i could go and stay up but i am not doing that. because she needs her sleep and if i get out of bed she will too and come looking for me. result she will be tired and cranky later on. and i will be a frustrated parent later on dealing with her. it saves me a lot of hassle just being here. and i am reading and surfing the net so wooohooo.

my then dh also would put dd in front of the tv to calm her down. i didnt say anything because i had to give him something to help him parent. i knew it was easier for me to parent my infant with my boobs. he would try all different strategies and tv worked best.

[mamazee]

Being easier doesn't make something lazy, and being more difficult doesn't make something better.

[hrsmom]

Not lazy. Lazy and parenting just don't belong in the same sentence! You're awesome, mama!

[akind1]

I said yes to lazy - but I was being tongue in cheek - Doing something because it is easier and makes everyone happier in the long run may appear lazier on the outside, but it best for your family.

[ColoradanMom]

I was thinking about this the other day because of a couple experiences. One of my instructors (I'm in nursing school) was using an anology to the fact that kids need love but not to get everything they want (agreed there) but her story was that when a kid comes into your room at night, you take them by the hand and walk them to their bed and say good night, every time they do it Don't remember exactly how her story related to any content
Also, one of my classmates was 1.5 hrs late the other day because her 3 yr old was up all night. She kept having to get up and go in his room and she said "I guess I should have just stayed in there with him"

What we do is that my 3 yr old likes going to sleep in his big boy bed in his own room with his stuffed animals and music but he always gets up at 1 am or so and gets lonely and walks a few feet into our room to snuggle. I really think our arrangement works fine for everyone involved and I don't see any rush to change it. Sometime between now and turning 15, I'm pretty sure he'll decide sleeping with mommy is lame.

Anyways, my thought was just that I feel what makes him feel most comfortable is generally most convenient for me. Sometimes he has a restless night and ends up moving around waking us up, but its really a minor disturbance in our sleep and I can't imagine how tired I'd be if I felt the need to manage it by forcing him back to his own room several times per night.