insensitivity of family members

[leilamom]

I hope this is the right place to put this. I just need to vent to ppl who understand! My sister-in-law (brother's wife) and my brother have 6 kids. Yes, 6. Four of them she has had while I have been TTC. They are just added to the long list of children that have been born while I have been trying. (I know, it's probably not emotionally healthy to make a list...) So, there have been MANY incidents of her being completely insensitive to me about not being able to get pregnant, but this most recent incident kind of takes the cake.

She has an 18 year old brother, who I find out last night has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. She posts on FB that she FINALLY gets to be an Aunt. Now, I have been with DP for 3 years and he has a 6 year old son. We are not married yet, but will be soon. I guess only biological children count? And I have failed her in her dreams to become an Aunt for 10 years? I just have no words for her...well, I have words, but they aren't nice words.

It's just really painful to have those things thrown back in your face when they happen. How do other ppl deal with this kind of insensitivity? This, combined with another seriously awful incident, makes me just want to cut her off for a while and take a very long break.

[milletpuff]

I'm so sorry, how frustrating. I have dealt with in in different ways throughout this process. In the beginning I just sucked it up and suffered in silence because I know that no one's *trying* to be hurtful, and it didn't occur to me that I might be actually having a valid feeling.

Then, once I started going to an infertility support group and seeking out more support in general, I realized that people say stupid things ALL THE TIME, and that they are very hurtful! It *wasn't* just me being "oversensitive". There's another board that's all about infertility and they have a whole FORUM just for "friends and family" that's usually filled with posts like yours! That was incredibly refreshing!

In the last three weeks or so, something NUTTY has happened and I've begun to feel the need to confront people about what they are saying, and telling them that their comments are hurtful and why. And I HATE confrontation, so I have no idea where this is coming from, but I think I just couldn't sit back and let people think they were being "helpful" or "comforting" or even just clueless, when the words they were saying were like punches in the gut.

And, honestly, I have lost friends in this process, because I *have* needed to take a break from certain relationships. I don't know if those friendships will rekindle when I have a live babe in arms, but they have suffered a lot. Some of these are people who don't "get it" and don't want to, and about whom I dont' really care enough to hav a serious talk with them, and sadly some are people with kids or pregnant women that I just can't handle bing around.

I'm so sorry she said those things to you. I would be totally crushed too