how do you vent your feelings when there's no one to vent to?

[simplemama32]

I'm going through a divorce, and there's a lot on my plate right now. I have maybe 3 people, including my parents, who I can share anything with and go to for advice. I'm very thankful for them, however, they all have busy lives and their own stuff to deal with, and I just can't burden them with my troubles. Occasionally, yes, but I need to find an outlet that will let me get things out of my system more frequently. Daily would be great.

So far I've considered exercise, yoga/meditation, journaling...all of which I'm trying to do better with, but having a hard time fitting them into my day. I've also never really considered myself a talkative person, but I'm finding myself needing to talk, talk, talk. It's almost like word vomit...ugh, sorry. I went to a counselor for awhile last year, but can't afford to, and really don't want to, anymore.

Please help?

[busymama77]

To be honest, mama, I come to MDC quite often - if no one replies, I'm really not concerned about that, but I do know that after I type it, I feel much better about the situation.

[Momma Moo Martin]

I agree that coming here to MDC is a good idea. Physically journaling or even creating a blog could be really helpful as well. Sometimes, when I'm having a really hard time saying how I feel and working through it, I will find a song that speaks to how I am feeling and then I will take time to listen to it and belt out the lyrics and just let it all go - cry, stomp my feet, move around, whatever. I hope these suggestions help you. Love and Light to you during this difficult time.

[tallulahma]

I used to come to mdc with all my vents... Then found a smaller group of online friends to vent to.

Searching out a community somewhere is important. Whether on a local meetup/yahoo group or here or a blog.

It's so easy to feel detached from family and close friends when going through a hard time. People that close to you can have a hard time supporting you through a big change because they have a predetermined idea of what your problems are or what role they need you to continue to fill in their life.

I know that finding a group of mamas that are evolving through parenting, birthing, divorce, marital struggles etc makes the group more understanding of the insanity surrounding those times.

My divorce from my first husband rocked me to my core- I was insane after for a good year.

I'd search out a support group- here on mdc or elsewhere.

[EdnaMarie]

I come here.

I find later I need to clarify it's a vent. LOL. I strongly suggest noting that you're venting when you start... otherwise you may get unwanted advice. I just write it all down.

[A&A]

Originally Posted by busymama77

To be honest, mama, I come to MDC quite often - if no one replies, I'm really not concerned about that, but I do know that after I type it, I feel much better about the situation.

And journaling. I don't always keep what I write--sometimes I throw it away immediately afterward. But I've gotten it OUT, yk?

[Freedom~Mama]

Coming here has helped me a lot. I recently went through a divorce and I know how many emotions come up and how hard and scary it is. PM me if you ever want to talk.

[tinybutterfly]

Private blogging. Xanga has that option. I think Blogger does, too. No one can see it, but me.

I also used to journal.

I pray.

[treespeak]

What works for me is cultivating relationship to nature. I've been using this "therapy" ever since I was a little girl. Be outside. Tell the earth what is upsetting you (doesn't have to be outloud if people are around), and then just notice what comes up. Listen to the trees, the birds, feel the wind, smell the scents in the air. Allow the beauty and peace to hold you. Take it personally when animals show up or when you notice something that speaks to you--a leaf dropping, a cloud passing. Many of the great spiritual philosophies were born out of keen observation of nature. You can go directly to the source and it will help you. Trust it.

[Sativarain1]

Originally Posted by treespeak

What works for me is cultivating relationship to nature. I've been using this "therapy" ever since I was a little girl. Be outside. Tell the earth what is upsetting you (doesn't have to be outloud if people are around), and then just notice what comes up. Listen to the trees, the birds, feel the wind, smell the scents in the air. Allow the beauty and peace to hold you. Take it personally when animals show up or when you notice something that speaks to you--a leaf dropping, a cloud passing. Many of the great spiritual philosophies were born out of keen observation of nature. You can go directly to the source and it will help you. Trust it.

This is something I've done weekly for a few years. It helps immensely.

[Learning_Mum]

If I really feel like I need to get it out, and everyone is busy, I usually text my friend. That way I've gotten it out of my system and she can reply when she has a free moment.

[hotmamacita]

Originally Posted by simplemama32

I'm going through a divorce, and there's a lot on my plate right now. I have maybe 3 people, including my parents, who I can share anything with and go to for advice. I'm very thankful for them, however, they all have busy lives and their own stuff to deal with, and I just can't burden them with my troubles. Occasionally, yes, but I need to find an outlet that will let me get things out of my system more frequently. Daily would be great.

So far I've considered exercise, yoga/meditation, journaling...all of which I'm trying to do better with, but having a hard time fitting them into my day. I've also never really considered myself a talkative person, but I'm finding myself needing to talk, talk, talk. It's almost like word vomit...ugh, sorry. I went to a counselor for awhile last year, but can't afford to, and really don't want to, anymore.

Please help?

I journal a lot. I have a personal Faith where I pray and dialogue. I have used MDC as well.

[meemee]

i was in your shoes too.

today in hindsight i needed that vocal vomit (that's what i called it too ) too and i only had a couple of people to talk to. but mostly thankfully i discovered i needed to hear myself talk. i didnt really need anyone to be listening on the other side. a part of me wanted a listener and i 'grew up' always wanting one but not getting one.

i tried journaling, but i was too judgemental on myself.

so my outlet was talking to the air. or talking to the rose bush outside my window or birds that i saw or my cats.

you will be surprised how effective that is. you have no idea how many moments of enlightenment i have had doing that. listening to myself. like bolts of lightening. like little healing touches.

it made me feel wonderful. i felt i wasnt bitching too much and unloading too much on others. it was wierd of course talking to the air. it didnt work all teh time.

but man it felt soooo good just to speak it aloud.

plus i noticed many times that was a good way for me to accept another way of thinking. so lets say i would never buy you are a goddess. i would never buy it even from my friends tongue.

but when i tried it aloud it felt strange but then surprise. i became comfortable on my lips. and the more it felt comfortable the more believable it became.

i had to have that because many times i stuck to my moral values, even at the cost of popular or even logical view. and others were not able to listen to me. they felt i was giving in too much. but i always looked at the long picture and found todays giving in meant better dealings later on. even my mil who is one of my greatest supports (she IS my best friend) couldnt handle that.

so those were things that was v. helpful speaking aloud.

i wonder what that says about auditory learning. not sure.

i have had things come out of my mouth without me consciously thinking it. and its stopped me in my tracks. and given me much food for thought.

try it sometimes. initially it might feel odd and crazy. but see if it will work for you.

[provocativa]

i'm going through the same thing and don't have anyone to vent to. it sucks. mdc does help some. remember when you were young and could spend hours in self-involved conversation over beer or coffee? i haven't had one cup of coffee by myself in a cafe for 7 years, let alone 2 cups to muse with a friend. sigh.

[Punchy Kaby]

Meemee-what a great post. I AM going to try your idea!

OP-I have nothing to add, other than needing to be heard and not knowing who to talk to. I find that if I have not vented my feelings or talked about the little chatter that goes on in my head I want to 'dump' it on someone. I personally do not like to write and don't like to journal, I think talking to nature might be right up my alley!

[MissLotus]

Originally Posted by meemee

i was in your shoes too.

today in hindsight i needed that vocal vomit (that's what i called it too ) too and i only had a couple of people to talk to. but mostly thankfully i discovered i needed to hear myself talk. i didnt really need anyone to be listening on the other side. a part of me wanted a listener and i 'grew up' always wanting one but not getting one.

i tried journaling, but i was too judgemental on myself.

so my outlet was talking to the air. or talking to the rose bush outside my window or birds that i saw or my cats.

you will be surprised how effective that is. you have no idea how many moments of enlightenment i have had doing that. listening to myself. like bolts of lightening. like little healing touches.

it made me feel wonderful. i felt i wasnt bitching too much and unloading too much on others. it was wierd of course talking to the air. it didnt work all teh time.

but man it felt soooo good just to speak it aloud.

plus i noticed many times that was a good way for me to accept another way of thinking. so lets say i would never buy you are a goddess. i would never buy it even from my friends tongue.

but when i tried it aloud it felt strange but then surprise. i became comfortable on my lips. and the more it felt comfortable the more believable it became.

i had to have that because many times i stuck to my moral values, even at the cost of popular or even logical view. and others were not able to listen to me. they felt i was giving in too much. but i always looked at the long picture and found todays giving in meant better dealings later on. even my mil who is one of my greatest supports (she IS my best friend) couldnt handle that.

so those were things that was v. helpful speaking aloud.

i wonder what that says about auditory learning. not sure.

i have had things come out of my mouth without me consciously thinking it. and its stopped me in my tracks. and given me much food for thought.

try it sometimes. initially it might feel odd and crazy. but see if it will work for you.

There really is something to this. I don't do it as a regular practice, but sometimes saying it out loud, even to yourself, has the same effect as writing in a journal. You're saying it - it's real - and it's somehow validating.

This reminds me of a book I read years ago, by the comedian Sid Caesar. From what I recall, he sort of developed his own form of therapy for himself... he started tape-recording conversations with himself (this had nothing to do with entertainment and he kept them private - he was going through a hard time with addictions, etc.). It's been a while, but I remember thinking that it was a good idea.

[simplemama32]

Thank you all, so much. I finally had the chance to sit down with one of my closest friends a couple days ago, and she let me talk for two hours.

treespeak -- I got goosebumps when I read your post. I've always loved being out in nature...it centers me. I can't believe I had forgotten this! Thanks for the reminder.

meemee -- I get exactly what you mean, and you remind me of something I hadn't thought about in years, too. When I was growing up, I rode horses, and it was always such a comfort (especially during those awful high school years!) to go to the barn and walk among the horses and just 'be.' There were many, many times I closed myself in a stall with my favorite horse, sat on a bucket in the corner, and talked and ranted and cried. Same way with my canine companions through the years. My parents still keep horses...I think I might need to volunteer for barn duty for awhile.