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Apparently, my two year old is "offending" another parent - Page 2

post #21 of 82
8/13/10 at 10:34pm
Thread Starter 
[QUOTE=Cascadian;15733981][QUOTE=gbailey;15733932] My daughter is two years old and the more she is corrected about certain things the more she will do it.
Quote:

I think a nicely phrased sentiment to your DD as she does this would mollify the mom, as she is the one taking offense. More along the lines of social niceties and maintaining friendships rather than actually correcting your DD at the time...
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post #22 of 82
8/13/10 at 10:36pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I wouldn't be upset/annoyed/offended that a 2 year old is telling a 3 year old that she's nice or that the 2yr old is imitating the whining....but I have to say I would be annoyed if it continued without the mom of the 2 yr old saying something to the 2 yr old. IMO, what your dd is doing is perfectly normal 2 yr old behavior, but that doesn't mean you don't teach her that it's not nice or try to correct her.

JMHO
Ditto.
post #23 of 82
8/13/10 at 10:38pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katrinaquerida View Post
It sounds to me like CC's mom phrased her discomfort in a weird way, which is what caused your confusion in the first place. I think she wanted you to say something, but instead sounded like she wanted your dd to act in a way that was not age appropriate. Just another example of dropping hints gone awry! It sounds like you have it under control now, and your next play date will be better!

Thanks and I think it will be too.
post #24 of 82
8/13/10 at 11:22pm
Yes, I agree with a simple "that is not for us to worry about right now, sweetie" should do the trick.

I know a child corrects adults all the time, appears to enjoy telling them they are wrong about something, and it drives me BONKERS. I can empathize with CC
post #25 of 82
8/14/10 at 12:06am
Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I wouldn't be upset/annoyed/offended that a 2 year old is telling a 3 year old that she's nice or that the 2yr old is imitating the whining....but I have to say I would be annoyed if it continued without the mom of the 2 yr old saying something to the 2 yr old. IMO, what your dd is doing is perfectly normal 2 yr old behavior, but that doesn't mean you don't teach her that it's not nice or try to correct her.

JMHO

Once each play session and it's a cute "oh she's still in that phase" thing. Over and over and over and it would become quite annoying.
post #26 of 82
8/14/10 at 12:07am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gbailey View Post
Thank you. I wish I could thank all of the helpful posters. I can do this and I don't have a problem doing this. Honestly, I'm sorry CC's mom was PO'ed at me but the next time we're together if DD does this I will gently say something to her about it.
Sounds good!

Of course, now that you've got a plan, she'll never do it again, and you won't get a chance to try your plan, right? Isn't that how it often goes.
post #27 of 82
8/14/10 at 12:15am
I also think it would be helpful for you to apologize to the other little girl on your DD's behalf when this happens. Something like, "I'm sorry if what DD did/said hurt your feelings. She's a lot littler than you and still learning how to be a friend" or something like that. Not only might it help the other little girl not feel as bad about it, but it models caring about someone else's feelings and apologizing when you accidentally hurt some one for your daughter.
post #28 of 82
8/14/10 at 12:25am
Honestly, I think the other mother is kinda touchy. I wonder why she didn't say something (nicely) to your dd like "CC isn't bad sweetie, she's just having a bad time right now etc". You probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. My friends and I gently correct each other's kids all the time. It seems to cause a lot less drama that way.
post #29 of 82
8/14/10 at 7:06am
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
Honestly, I think the other mother is kinda touchy. I wonder why she didn't say something (nicely) to your dd like "CC isn't bad sweetie, she's just having a bad time right now etc". You probably wouldn't have thought twice about it. My friends and I gently correct each other's kids all the time. It seems to cause a lot less drama that way.
I don't agree with this. It's the OP's place to correct her daughter, especially if she is sitting right there when it happens.

gbailey, I think you have a good, mature friend, and honestly, I would thank her for coming to me and talking honestly about her feelings. It's hard to approach even a very good friend about these kid issues.
post #30 of 82
8/14/10 at 9:31am
Oh my gosh, I had no idea this was a phase. DS does this all the time - to the dog! LOL. Luckily Sam doesn't care but I still him the right way to speak to him.

Plus if the other child is 3.5 they are going to be very touchy about what is said to them. My DS was upset for about 2 weeks when his friend called him a "poopy head."

I hope the next play date goes better.
post #31 of 82
8/14/10 at 11:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by buttercup784ever View Post
I don't agree with this. It's the OP's place to correct her daughter, especially if she is sitting right there when it happens.
It depends on the dynamic. I have friends where we all do GD with all the kids, and others where we each only handle our own.
post #32 of 82
8/14/10 at 1:20pm
I guess I just feel like it's ok for moms to gently correct other children, especially if the child is doing something that really bothers them. My friends correct my dd all the time, sometimes for things that imho aren't really that big of a deal. It only takes one time for a mom to say something to my kid, and then I consistently make sure that my dd doesn't repeat the offending behavior. I would feel uncomfortable hanging out with a mom who felt like she had to correct me because my dd was offending her. I think the reason this situation bothered the OP is because of the way the other mom handled it.
post #33 of 82
8/14/10 at 1:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama View Post
Yes, I agree with a simple "that is not for us to worry about right now, sweetie" should do the trick.

I know a child corrects adults all the time, appears to enjoy telling them they are wrong about something, and it drives me BONKERS. I can empathize with CC
My stock phrase was "that's not your job, sweetheart."
post #34 of 82
8/14/10 at 2:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
My stock phrase was "that's not your job, sweetheart."
Me too! My almost 5 year old will pitch in his two cents when one of his friends or his brother is being talked to. I remind him that he's not the mommy/daddy or that "it's not his job".
post #35 of 82
8/14/10 at 3:18pm
gonna be the odd one out here and say that i would not be offended. i would not stop being friends with someone whose two year old was being two. i think that is a bit overboard. BUT i tend to hang out with people who are not offended by the behavior of two year olds. and it could be that after 5 kids (all who have been two) i just know what is normal and so do my friends. ALSO if the other mom doesn't want anyone saying anything to her while she reprimands her kids, she should take them aside and do it. that is what i do. no need to shame them in front of others.
if it was my kid who was doing the mimicking i would just take them aside and tell them to stop. OR i would just say something like "Hey lets go over here while CC's mom talks to her" and redirect.

h
post #36 of 82
8/14/10 at 3:29pm
I'm with the gentle "CC's mom can worry about that" camp -- and I often add, away from my child, a little "Sorry! He is in that phase/(whatever)..." -- to try to soften the other parent's embarrassment/discomfort at her child's misbehavior which was pointed out so clearly by my child.

My kids misbehave on a regular basis and I know that I'm sometimes uncomfortable when other kids are pointing it out super-loudly, etc., but I also am right on top of them immediately to correct/redirect/remind -- to have someone else's child sitting there pointing it out while his/her parent just sat there would sort of add insult to injury. I know that makes it sound all about me, but I think for the dynamics of our playgroups, the parents are "in charge" of their own kids' behaviors/safety/whathaveyou. If the other child's parent isn't saying it to them, I'll smile and tell the other child "Thank you, childsname, I can help ds."
post #37 of 82
8/14/10 at 4:25pm
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to give an update. We ran into CC and her mom at the library this morning. DD repeated the same thing when CC's mom corrected her about something small. "Not nice CC." I told DD, "honey, (insert cc's moms name) is taking care of CC. Let's go look at the Elmo books." CC's mom turned to me, winked and mouthed "thank you."

As I said earlier though, I don't believe another young child that age saying this to my DD would bug me and until it happens I won't know. I never, however, want to offend a friend especially one whose company I enjoy.
post #38 of 82
8/14/10 at 5:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtiger View Post
My stock phrase was "that's not your job, sweetheart."
Ya, me too. I hate the phrase "Mind your own business, or none of your business"... only because it sounds so third grade. But, I do like a nicely toned "that's not our job honey".
post #39 of 82
8/14/10 at 5:41pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
I guess I just feel like it's ok for moms to gently correct other children, especially if the child is doing something that really bothers them. My friends correct my dd all the time, sometimes for things that imho aren't really that big of a deal. It only takes one time for a mom to say something to my kid, and then I consistently make sure that my dd doesn't repeat the offending behavior. I would feel uncomfortable hanging out with a mom who felt like she had to correct me because my dd was offending her. I think the reason this situation bothered the OP is because of the way the other mom handled it.
Her friend didn't 'correct' her. She was honest about her and her childs' feelings. If something another child was doing was hurting my kids' feelings on a regular basis and the other parent didn't say anything, what would be an appropriate way to react besides telling the other parent about it? I think the other mom handled it beautifully. She could have just not said anything and stopped seeing the OP.

I don't think there should be a situation where another parent has to correct my child if I'm right there. I think I'm pretty aware of things my kids are doing that even though I'm not bothered may be annoying/hurtful/inconsiderate of other people. For instance, it may not bother me to have my kids running around in a waiting room, but it DOES bother others. I'm not going to wait for some other person who is bothered by the behavior to come up and ask them to stop.

I'm a little confused about this though. I hope you're not saying that even if you noticed that something your little one was doing was hurtful or inconsiderate that you wouldn't correct them because it wasn't hurtful or inconsiderate to YOU. I'm assuming that you don't KNOW the behavior is bothering someone else.
post #40 of 82
8/14/10 at 6:16pm
What a great update OP, I love it when we can learn from eachother so well here at MDC! Go us
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