I need help figuring out what is normal in 3 year olds - Page 2

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by luvmybaby333

I presume that only the beginning of your response was directed at me?

Anywho, being that the question was one of developmental "averages", I figured that since I had a child younger (but capable of doing many of those things) I would be able to weigh on on the fact that some children are able to complete those tasks by that age. If it is a question of a child that used to do those things, but no longer does, then that is clearly a behavioral issue and a completely separate matter from the start. If I had a 5-year-old currently able to complete those tasks, then I would not have shared my experiences, as that really wouldn't provide information on whether or not a younger child can do those things. But being that a 2-year-old can do them, I thought it would be safe to assume that older children (on average) could potentially have the capability of doing them, as well.

Oops; sounds like I offended you. That was not my intent. I did not mean to imply that you should not have posted, but rather to add more information to the thread. None of my comment was directed at you, per se, but rather a response to what you added to the conversation.

From the original post, I would say it is largely a question of emotional development/behavior, and not one of physical ability. The op asked if other 3 year olds do those things, not if they are able. Obviously nearly any 3yo is physically capable of getting a toy from his or her room, the question there is clearly about how much to help/cater to the child, and how much to insist that they do things on their own. How do we decide when to help because they are asking for help and when to draw a line.

My point was only that sometimes my dd has decided that she can't or doesn't want to do things that she once did on her own without a struggle.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

-move the step stool and put the potty seat on the toilet on their own?

move the stool yes. We have those potty seats that are part of the regular seat. So yes he can. He'll also put the seat up and pee standing up. However he often wants help or company in the bathroom. And I am still concerned with "success" so I often help him in the bathroom anyway.

-wipe their bottom by themself (at least with pee)?

He doesn't usually wipe pee, although he will sometimes. And never wipes poop or expressed any interest in wiping poop.

-get dressed or at least TRY to on their own?

he can get undressed, well he can get his pants and underwear off but not usually a shirt, sometimes if it is baggie. He probably *could* put his pants on but doesn't. We are still working on pulling his pants back up after he goes potty. Right now the deal is "I'll do the back if you do the front" but often we are in a hurry and I just pull them up.

-put shoes on without help or at least TRY to?

Yes off and on, always crocs or rainboots, sometimes other shoes.

-will get a toy they want from their room on their own or will they beg and plead with you to get it when you are busy dealing with something else?

sometimes he'll get it on his own. Often he say, "you get it. I'll wait right here" I'd say 50-50


He turned 3 on August 2nd

[earthworm]

Originally Posted by lach

Cleaning is a real issue here too. She's very polite about it, though.

"Hey, sweetie, can you put that away before you take something else out?"
"Um, no thank you."
"Pumpkin, come on. Here, I'll help."
"Uh, no thank you. I just going to play with this now."
"No, this needs to go away first. It's taking up the whole floor."
"No, it's fine. It can stay there. I play over here."
"Come on, you put this piece away, and I'll do this one..."
"Um, you can do it all. I just going to play with this now."
"Just put this one piece away and I'll do all the rest. Look, Momma's putting them all away. You just do this one."
"I need a snack. I think I hear the baby."

I figure I should start having her study for the LSATs now, because she's going to make one heck of a lawyer.

LOL
My son's new one is "I made that big mess just for yoooouuu! *huge, cute smile*"

[greenemami]

Originally Posted by lach

The answer to all of those is:

Yes, she can. Whether she will, or whether she'll have a kicking, screaming, rolling on the floor, yelling "NO I DON'T WANT TO YOU DO IT I CAN'T DO IT IT'S TOO HAAAAAAARD" depends on her mood, the tides, the alignment of the stars, whether she got enough sleep, and so forth. So far as I can tell, there's little rhyme or reason to her moods.

Based on everything I've heard from my friends who have had 3 year olds, it's a really, really tough age. I can't say that I disagree.

ETA: sometimes the tantrum is because I helped her do something (moved the stool to the potty for her, for example) that she apparently wanted to do herself. Heck, sometimes she tantrums so I just do the task, and then she tantrums because I did it! Sometimes she's very independent, sometimes she's very compliant when I ask her to do something... and sometimes she's very, very not. It's a fun age!

this! dd is 3 years 4+months

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by sunnygir1

From the original post, I would say it is largely a question of emotional development/behavior, and not one of physical ability.

When my 3 year old was 18 months, he cheerfully helped me clean up his toys every single time, because he followed me around and wanted to do everything I was doing.

Now, at 3, I often get a lot of resistance when I expect him to help clean up. That's entirely developmentally appropriate, even though his behavior was closer to what we ultimately expect from a mature personality a few years ago.

[lach]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

When my 3 year old was 18 months, he cheerfully helped me clean up his toys every single time, because he followed me around and wanted to do everything I was doing.

Now, at 3, I often get a lot of resistance when I expect him to help clean up. That's entirely developmentally appropriate, even though his behavior was closer to what we ultimately expect from a mature personality a few years ago.

Same. It's very frustrating. I thought I was all in line for the awesome parenting award because when she was two I would sing the "clean up song" and she'd scurry around and clean up all her toys and be all proud of herself. Now when I break out the clean up song, she scurries off into the other room...

[ellairiesmom]

Originally Posted by lach

The answer to all of those is:

Yes, she can. Whether she will, or whether she'll have a kicking, screaming, rolling on the floor, yelling "NO I DON'T WANT TO YOU DO IT I CAN'T DO IT IT'S TOO HAAAAAAARD" depends on her mood, the tides, the alignment of the stars, whether she got enough sleep, and so forth. So far as I can tell, there's little rhyme or reason to her moods.

ETA: sometimes the tantrum is because I helped her do something (moved the stool to the potty for her, for example) that she apparently wanted to do herself. Heck, sometimes she tantrums so I just do the task, and then she tantrums because I did it!

Yes...oh YES!!! DD1 turns 3 next month & I don't know what has become of our sweet little girl from 6 mos ago. It truly does not seem related to her new sister...but sure, maybe a little bit. The emotions, tantrums, meltdowns are frequent, uncontrollable & turn on & off like a switch.

to answer the questions:
-move the step stool and put the potty seat on the toilet on their own? we use a little seat because she is on the petite side & with a new baby I didn't want to deal with having to lift her up. but she uses it to brush her teeth & wash her hands.
-wipe their bottom by themself (at least with pee)?
she can wipe for pee but usually doesn't-i say she's being eco friendly. i take care of poops.
-get dressed or at least TRY to on their own? obsessed with picking out her own outfit & getting dressed herself but then when she puts something on wrong or is having a hard time she either throws a fit if i don't "fix" it or when i try, she throws a fit. i can't win either way there.
-put shoes on without help or at least TRY to? she has been doing this one for awhile. it took time to get certain shoes down & i suspect she could never put her boots on herself;
-will get a toy they want from their room on their own or will they beg and plead with you to get it when you are busy dealing with something else? she can access most toys on her own. but when she has a problem with something, she throws a fit. she has been playing with my iphone a lot lately & likes listening to songs on it-but when she can't change the song, or the image shifts because she turned the iphone the other way-she meltsdown & screams but then wont let me take for just a second to get it "right".

Clean up is a challenge here & doesn't get done until I sing the clean up song & help her.

[lolar2]

3 years, 5 months here:

Still mostly uses diapers, but when he does use the toilet he just clambers up onto the big toilet. He is big for his age.

I have to wipe him, either way.

Can get his own clothes on and off, but usually doesn't like to and I don't push it.

Can get his own crocs and boots on, but needs help with other shoes. Can take all shoes and socks off.

Usually gets his own toys out.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by lach

Same. It's very frustrating. I thought I was all in line for the awesome parenting award because when she was two I would sing the "clean up song" and she'd scurry around and clean up all her toys and be all proud of herself. Now when I break out the clean up song, she scurries off into the other room...

I have a two year old right now as well, and he will spontaneously burst into the clean up song and clean.

I'm taking that awesome parenting award now while I still can. Someone can try to pry it away from me later

[lach]

Originally Posted by prothyraia

I have a two year old right now as well, and he will spontaneously burst into the clean up song and clean.

I'm taking that awesome parenting award now while I still can. Someone can try to pry it away from me later

Right? It's like when your 1 year old eats anything, and you're all "wow, I don't know what all those OTHER parents are doing wrong. Obviously, I rock for creating a non-picky child!" Then your kid turns 2...