Midwife Decision: In need of Advice

[KaiNtheSky]

Hi,

I am a lurker on this board but would like to ask you ladies a question regarding a midwife situation that I currently have. I have no one else to ask because, so far, I have not told anyone about my decision to have a home birth (except for my SO).

So here is my situation: This week (wednesday) I met with a wonderful traditional midwife (and her partner) for a consultation. She is a highly praised and very sweet lady. . .and I felt comfortable when I met her. Her partner was also nice but a little more subdued. . .and I did not have the initial reaction with her as I did with her the head midwife. During the consultation I was informed that they had about 4 other women who were coming in for a consultation that day and that they were at their limit with the amount of clients that could take on for my due-month. Well, to make a long story short, I went home and made a hasty decision. . .because I did not have any other midwife options available. So, I informed the midwife the next morning (thursday) that I would like her to be my home-birth attendant.

Well, after emailing her, I decided to continue my research. . .about home birth/prenatals and the midwife (many women have LOVED working with her). While doing a more extensive search on her, I came across one additional midwife (also, highly praised and raved about). So, since I had not heard back from the first midwife about accepting me as a client, I decided to email the second for a "just in case" because I need to start working with my birth attendant asap (I'm 22 weeks). Anyways, the second midwife did not respond back until today. . .and my problem is, I clicked with her immediately on the phone. I do not know how to explain it except to say that when I was talking to her, I felt like I was speaking to one of my closest friends. . .and let's just say that I only have 2--my SO and one female friend.

So, my questions are: How should I approach this situation? Would it be wrong to retract my verbal agreement with the first midwife (she emailed back this morning with her acceptance)? If so, how should I approach the situation?

I have not had the chance to meet the second midwife yet. . .she told me that she will call me tomorrow so we can discuss a few more things. . .and then she will try to schedule me for a consultation next week.

I apologize for the long spiel. . .didn't mean to write a book. But just wanted to give as much info as possible so that I can receive the best advice.

Thanks for reading. . .

[momasana]

I think it would be best to meet with MW #2 in person to make sure that you have the same vibe as you did over the phone.

You absolutely should go with whichever midwife you feel most comfortable with. Birth is a very intimate affair and your attendant should be someone you trust and feel at ease with.

If you decide that you want to go with midwife #2 all you really need to do is call the original midwife and tell her about your change in plans. Perhaps you can keep her as a "back-up" or an additional resource if needed. It sounds like she has a lot of mothers interested in her services so you will be opening up a space for her to take on someone else in the same birth month.

Good luck and let us know what you decide!

[bendmom]

Not sure if it's to late to comment but...

I really wanted someone I clicked with, but, also someone who was a professional, not a friend. I get along with my mw and her assistant, we can talk about random things, nutrition, herbals, medical stuff, that is what I am paying for. I want someone who has a good bedside manner if I need her at the birth. I learned this from from my first 2, bedside manner, professionalism is huge once I loose it and need someone to take charge, not just someone who I get along with and has a friendly demeaner.

[KaiNtheSky]

Thanks for the replies.

I did speak with the 2nd midwife yesterday and feel that she is more organized and better prepared than the 1st. Also, I like that she seems to not have an "anti-medicine/technology" personality. . .but is also an herbalist and VERY holistic. She is definitely more outspoken and hands-on than the first, and I think this would be a definite asset to my first HB.

Anyways, thanks again. . .

[MegBoz]

Originally Posted by momasana

I think it would be best to meet with MW #2 in person to make sure that you have the same vibe as you did over the phone.

I thought this as well.
However, if you do love her just as much in-person as over the phone, then I agree you should choose her. It hasn't even been a full week, so it's unlikely that MW #1 has had to turn down other prospective new clients in that time - so it's unlikely you backing-out will have cost her business. You both also haven't invested time in the first apt. (I had an 'interview' mtg with my MW, then when I chose her, the first apt where we went over my history & such was nearly 2 hours.) So I don't feel it would be that bad for you to back out now.

I would certainly be apologetic & thankful for her time. Who knows? She may be backup for MW #2! So you certainly want to try to discontinue the relationship on a good note. But any good HB MW will understand that you want to select the MW who is the best match for you - and you need to talk to & meet a few before you can decide who is "best." Just because she's not the best match for you personally, certainly doesn't mean she's not a great MW & not someone you'd still have been happy to use. & she'll understand that.

[honeybee]

I switched this pregnancy from the wonderful midwife I birthed two babies with to another midwife who is a friend/peer who lives a lot closer to me. And my previous mw and I are still on good terms, and she understands my reasoning/situation. I think as long as you are up front, everything will be fine. When I was interviewing mws with my first, there was a small fee for their time, so that may be appropriate in this case for the first midwife, depending on how things work in your area.