What Would You Do? Unsupported UC...

[featherstory]

Well, earlier I was planning on having a UC in an outdoor setting, camping somewhere to do so, however we decided to move and are staying with family for awhile and the stipulation was to have some help, so we got a doula, still planning on a UC, but with a doula for the other birth participants comfort, etc. ... now our doula has dumped us... I do have phone support from other health care providers involved with my last birth and my current pregnancy, but what would I do when I am going into labor and they ask me to call the doula? I am thinking of still trying to have a natural setting UC, and carry my bag around with me, I don't think I'd be supported in camping somewhere now... I am full term now, btw. I will be making some trips to natural spots though in walking distance and there are a few places I could go if I go into labor, have DH "take a walk" with me, and make sure I bring what I'll need.

I want to be respectful to family, but if I give birth here, I made the agreement to have in-person support, and I feel it would be too stressful and too difficult to find someone I am really interested in being there anyway at this point.

[EllyMayMomma]

Well, I am a lurker here - TTC and if I ever do, will plan a UC.

Not sure if I get your question - who requires the doula? You, DH, family or the health care providers? Are you saying that the family you are with does not know you plan to UC?

How nice that you are in a place where an outdoors UC is possible - here in the deep south, if the humidity, heat, and flash thunderstorms did not deter you, the mosquitoes would! I think a UC outside would be beautiful in some places and I have dreamed of having one along the edge of the woods behind my house. I am sure you will need to tolerate a certain degree of flexibility in your plans and I hope all goes well for you.

[CherryBombMama]

im a bit confused too ... is it like, "if you are going to live here, you must get at least a doula or else you can live somewhere else." ?

[featherstory]

Well, it is not quite "or else you must live somewhere else"... but they are comfortable with my giving birth in this home, in the presence of a doula... and they feel it would be unsafe and are uncomfortable with no outside assistance. I'm sure I could pretend I still have a doula and since I only have about 2 weeks left, I'm sure she wouldn't be upset if I give birth without one at all, it is just that at least going through the motions of having physical support makes them feel safer.

DH is supportive of UC, but I know he feels more comfortable with a doula because he doesn't handle stress well(in the moment he does, but if he has time to think about things he gets overwhelmed) and he feels pressure lifted off his shoulders in terms of responsibility... he trusts in my ability, the natural process of birth, etc. but not himself... the family does not really trust in birth or my ability to give birth on my own... they just don't understand that. They like to have someone designated as a professional to help them feel secure, despite the fact that DH and I probably have as much if not more health care training than the doula individually.

[featherstory]

Well, I talked to DH about it and he thinks we should just go along with the birth being attended and just tell her when it is time we don't want to have anyone come... we are also planning on another location close-by, in nature, and another possible person to contact, but agreed that the doula was really for our family members and not for us.

[basje]

another option

Maybe if you live in an area nearby another UC mother she might be willing to attend you labor? Just an idea... I know how hard it can be hard to find doulas who are willing to work a UC birth.

Good luck!

[Banana731]

Originally Posted by basje

Maybe if you live in an area nearby another UC mother she might be willing to attend you labor? Just an idea... I know how hard it can be hard to find doulas who are willing to work a UC birth.

Good luck!

I think that's a good idea.

Did your doula decide not to help you because you want to UC?

[featherstory]

I'm not 100% sure what it was, she knew ahead of time it was UC and she said she was excited about it, but I think she was overwhelmed by the idea of it, and I feel like she was very medical and not very trusting of birth. Another UC'ing mama would be a great idea... I thought of trying to find a UC birth to attend myself before I was this far along, just to experience it. Overall though, I don't think I want to try to find anyone at the last minute, I like to feel close to anyone who is at my birth and I could give birth any day now... things are working out anyhow.

[Amatullah0]

You could just go with the "yeah we have a doula" story, and call someone in labor, or pretend , or just tell your family that you called your doula, and then "oh she is at another birth" or "she just didn't show up"