Guess this is probably the most appropriate place for this.. I've been feeling really down, sad, depressed lately, I hang on little things that happen and get myself stuck in this miserable rut that I can't climb out of.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have been utterly miserable for a week now. I've always been kind of emotionally fragile, but it's been especially bad this week and I don't think I can ignore it until it goes away, my usual MO. I will be in contact with potential counselors on Monday but until then I just need to start venting for the sake of my sanity and my marriage. I don't have close friends anymore and it's easier for me to write things out than to say them... advice, support, anything would be appreciated.
I honestly don't know what's at the root of this.. things that have made me cry lately are stress at work and boredom, and my husband's relationship with my sister. I have been really hanging on that one, I should be happy that they're bonding (well at least that's what I've been told), but it's really just p*ssing me off. To the point that I have done the responsible adult thing and blocked her on Facebook.
Typically, I'll wake up in the morning, shower, get DD ready, take her to day care and go to work. Come home around 6 (I pick DD up 3-4 days a week and DH does 1-2 days), feed DD if I picked her up, cook dinner, wash dishes or do laundry if I feel up to it, hang out on the computer for a bit, go to bed. DH's schedule is similar but when I'm cleaning, cooking, etc he's playing video games and texting my sister. They talk to each other far more than either of them talk to me, she tells him things she'd never in a million years tell me. He goes to bed after I'm already asleep and usually wakes up after I leave the house, so I feel like I never see him even though we live together. I feel left out, lonely, sad. I think it's a combination of my husband and sister developing this relationship to the point of ignoring me, and the fact that I feel like the maid of the house that's really gotten to me lately.
Another factor that I think might be contributing is my birth control.. I have a Mirena IUD and while it's super convenient, I get *really* emotional right before my period.. cry about every little thing and get really angry about other things, blinding rage that is really hard for me to deal with. I think that's what happened this whole last week, I finally got my period today after suffering through the week. During this time I'm explosive and can't deal with things like a rational adult. Things got better after I had it in for about a year and my PPD/anxiety/birth trauma, whatever I had subsided. I had several months where my emotional symptoms were manageable, but this week has been draining. DH and I are in agreement that I need counseling, perhaps even a week or two at an inpatient place to get some serious help and rest.. but if the hormones from this stupid piece of plastic are contributing, I want it out of my body, now. I'll mention this to him, but I'm almost 100 percent sure he'll tell me I'm just trying to blame my problems on something else.
He already thinks I'm overreacting about my sister.. I really just feel ill when I think about it. I can't help it. Maybe I am overreacting, I don't doubt that, I just don't know what to *do* about it. I'm jealous that he has this sibling bond or whatever with her when I'm the one who's related to her. He started telling me about some problem or something that she was telling him about last night, and I told him I don't want to hear it, if it's important enough for me to know she can tell me herself. I've always been close with my mom but I can't even talk to her about this (well, I haven't tried). I used to call her every other day, now I've talked to her once in the last week and a half and it was just to ask a question. My family is having a barbecue next weekend, we were planning to spend the night but I don't even want to go anymore. My husband will spend the whole time having deep conversations with my sister while I make awkward small talk with family I never see (and we're staying in her room on an air mattress, I might just sleep downstairs with DD, if I even stay over). DH told me that my sister is coming for dinner on Tuesday and I don't want to come home until after she leaves, I don't want to see her or talk to her. He told me that was ridiculous, I know it is, but that's how I feel and he wanted me to be honest. This morning he told me that if we didn't have our daughter, if it were just the two of us and I was acting like this, he'd tell me to leave until I get my sh*t together, however long that takes. I keep pushing him away, and in that respect I'm pushing him closer to my sister, because he tells her things that he can't/won't tell me about emotions and things. He thinks that this isn't the root of my issue, but after writing this all out and thinking about it, I don't know what my problem is if this isn't it. It's not *their* fault, it's just my perspective, that I feel like I'm getting pushed out of both of their lives, I guess.
I know I need counseling. I hope it's helpful, at least. I don't know why I let these things get to me so much, or why I can't use my frustration in constructive ways.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I have been utterly miserable for a week now. I've always been kind of emotionally fragile, but it's been especially bad this week and I don't think I can ignore it until it goes away, my usual MO. I will be in contact with potential counselors on Monday but until then I just need to start venting for the sake of my sanity and my marriage. I don't have close friends anymore and it's easier for me to write things out than to say them... advice, support, anything would be appreciated.
I honestly don't know what's at the root of this.. things that have made me cry lately are stress at work and boredom, and my husband's relationship with my sister. I have been really hanging on that one, I should be happy that they're bonding (well at least that's what I've been told), but it's really just p*ssing me off. To the point that I have done the responsible adult thing and blocked her on Facebook.
Typically, I'll wake up in the morning, shower, get DD ready, take her to day care and go to work. Come home around 6 (I pick DD up 3-4 days a week and DH does 1-2 days), feed DD if I picked her up, cook dinner, wash dishes or do laundry if I feel up to it, hang out on the computer for a bit, go to bed. DH's schedule is similar but when I'm cleaning, cooking, etc he's playing video games and texting my sister. They talk to each other far more than either of them talk to me, she tells him things she'd never in a million years tell me. He goes to bed after I'm already asleep and usually wakes up after I leave the house, so I feel like I never see him even though we live together. I feel left out, lonely, sad. I think it's a combination of my husband and sister developing this relationship to the point of ignoring me, and the fact that I feel like the maid of the house that's really gotten to me lately.
Another factor that I think might be contributing is my birth control.. I have a Mirena IUD and while it's super convenient, I get *really* emotional right before my period.. cry about every little thing and get really angry about other things, blinding rage that is really hard for me to deal with. I think that's what happened this whole last week, I finally got my period today after suffering through the week. During this time I'm explosive and can't deal with things like a rational adult. Things got better after I had it in for about a year and my PPD/anxiety/birth trauma, whatever I had subsided. I had several months where my emotional symptoms were manageable, but this week has been draining. DH and I are in agreement that I need counseling, perhaps even a week or two at an inpatient place to get some serious help and rest.. but if the hormones from this stupid piece of plastic are contributing, I want it out of my body, now. I'll mention this to him, but I'm almost 100 percent sure he'll tell me I'm just trying to blame my problems on something else.
He already thinks I'm overreacting about my sister.. I really just feel ill when I think about it. I can't help it. Maybe I am overreacting, I don't doubt that, I just don't know what to *do* about it. I'm jealous that he has this sibling bond or whatever with her when I'm the one who's related to her. He started telling me about some problem or something that she was telling him about last night, and I told him I don't want to hear it, if it's important enough for me to know she can tell me herself. I've always been close with my mom but I can't even talk to her about this (well, I haven't tried). I used to call her every other day, now I've talked to her once in the last week and a half and it was just to ask a question. My family is having a barbecue next weekend, we were planning to spend the night but I don't even want to go anymore. My husband will spend the whole time having deep conversations with my sister while I make awkward small talk with family I never see (and we're staying in her room on an air mattress, I might just sleep downstairs with DD, if I even stay over). DH told me that my sister is coming for dinner on Tuesday and I don't want to come home until after she leaves, I don't want to see her or talk to her. He told me that was ridiculous, I know it is, but that's how I feel and he wanted me to be honest. This morning he told me that if we didn't have our daughter, if it were just the two of us and I was acting like this, he'd tell me to leave until I get my sh*t together, however long that takes. I keep pushing him away, and in that respect I'm pushing him closer to my sister, because he tells her things that he can't/won't tell me about emotions and things. He thinks that this isn't the root of my issue, but after writing this all out and thinking about it, I don't know what my problem is if this isn't it. It's not *their* fault, it's just my perspective, that I feel like I'm getting pushed out of both of their lives, I guess.
I know I need counseling. I hope it's helpful, at least. I don't know why I let these things get to me so much, or why I can't use my frustration in constructive ways.
You're not crazy, you're husband is being really mean about this right now. I've been through this same kind of thing before. My mom and my husbands/boyfriends always buddy up and talk about private things, do things together, etc. despite how it makes me feel. It really does hurt, a lot. And I'm not even a very clingy or emotional type of person. So I just want you to know that you're not crazy to be feeling hurt, even if everyone keeps telling you that you are. And I know how hopeless and depressing that hurt is when it feels like the people closest to you are betraying you/turning on you. 
At the very least, H continually reminds me that he is committed to our relationship and I'm the most important person to him (and he is to me, as well). We've just been doing a crappy job of showing that to each other lately.
It must be reassuring to know that you've still got that strong foundation.
But this wasn't my little sister, either. Your perception is what matters.
