Mama's work schedule and X keeping kids overnight

[MommatoAandA]

So X and I came to an agreement that on the nights I work (2 weeknights and EOW) he would take the kids. So my weekends to work will be his weekends to have the girls. My mother will have them (we are living with my mom) and he will pick them up when he gets out of work and then will have them until the next morning and I will pick them up before he goes to work. Essentially, he will have them while they sleep and then sat pm to monday am on his weekends. We are doing that instead of child support. I just feel sort of bad. I mean that isn't that disruptive is it? So the week would look like this:

MOM works MON/TUES girls get picked up at 6pm, sleep at daddies and then mommy picks them up at 6:30 am.

then EOW daddy has them Sat at anywhere between 3-6 pm till Monday 6:30 am.

I really have little other choice. I am not allowed to get a sitter at my parents while they are here (my parents) and they cannot be watching my kids and putting them to bed that often, they will not have that. I just feel weird not having them here. IDK. Just a vent mostly.

They are 3 and 1 btw, love their dad FWIW (prefer me, but most kids do prefer mom), and neither are nursing.

[vannienicole]

The only problem I see (and I faced this when I first left x and worked overnights) is that the back and forth on mon/tues between the parents is harsh on littles. That amount of time isn't too great, but if the schedule works for you, it works. You shouldn't be doing this instead of CS though. I don't understand why you are?

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Unless you make a TON more than he does (which I would find hard to believe, especially given your other thread), you should still get CS.

[MommatoAandA]

The child support thing was my choice because honestly, he can be quite abusive to me if he gives support. He also uses it as a reason he cannot see the kids (he has to work so much more to give me the 200 per week). I would rather him have the kids so I can work and get through school and have him not be able to hold it over my head that he is "supporting" me. My older DD isn't biologically his, however she doesn't know her bio dad, so he has always acted as her dad.

Honestly, he will withhold the support if he finds out I am doing something to his dissatisfaction and the money issue makes me nervous, child care, I can find, money I cannot. It makes me neurotic and is just another way he can manipulate me. I literally can have no life, I know how much the money issue bugs him, so if I make him pay nothing, the piece of mind I receive from that is priceless.

Does that make sense at all?

[meemee]

totally makes sense to me. exactly why i did the same thing.

however i will say he has the responsibility to buy her things. i buy her v. little.

[MommatoAandA]

He would buy them whatever I asked him to, or just ask me how much and give me the cash. He doesn't like them to go without because it reflects poorly on him as a parent. Just one more reason why he is so self centered. My mother buys them a lot too. My older DD has soooo much crap, too much to be honest.

It just is going to be soooo much easier to not have to hear how hard up he is for cash and get told off, belittled, berated, spied on.

Things are also going to be extremely different this time. I'm changing my cell number and not giving it to him and he will have no clue where I live as I will not be telling practically anyone.