DH and I are not sure what to do. DS is almost three and DD is 15 months. DS started getting aggressive when DD was born and it's never stopped or let up. He hits her, us, and is starting to do it to other kids too. He'll hit, bite, scratch, kick, and sometimes even try to choke DD! (we're baffled on where he's even seen this though, because we don't watch tv here and he's not around violence).
We are trying to be gentle with disciplining and raising our kids, and we've (me probably more than DH though) tried to not use time-outs, rewards, punishments, etc.. Gentle disciplining doesn't come naturally do DH and I think he wants to try something that will work. He says that if the behavior isn't improving somehow, then maybe our method isn't working and we need to try something different. We know this kind of behavior is normal, but it's so hard to remember that in the moment of stopping one child from possible seriously hurting your other child.
So this is what we have done:
-redirected
-tried playful parenting
-distraction
-talking briefly (ex. hitting hurts, then show gentle ways like rubbing, hugging, tickling)
-separating so no one keeps getting hurt
-calming down in his cozy corner
-prevention
-given lots of attention
-kept fed and well-rested
Lately I have had to be RIGHT there every time DS even gets near DD. I mean, he can't even walk down the hall and go past her because I never know if he will try to get her. I know some of this is normal...I really really do. It's just, should the be going on ALL day long? It's not always all day long, but sometimes it is. I've been trying to give him activities to do because I thought that maybe he was getting bored, so I got out play doh and got him toddler scissors and crayons and have been going outside more. I've tried spending more one-on-one time with him too in case he's jealous.
So, after all that, do you have any more tips for what we can do to lessen this aggression?? We are seriously confused and at our wits end. Most days lately I am crying and I'm so tired as it is (chronic fatigue syndrome) and I feel so frazzled and overwhelmed. I can't even do dishes or some other housework during the day because the kids can't be near each other.
I'm trying to see if there is an overall problem going on and if so, what the heck it is and how to help DS. PLEASE PLEASE help me if you have any ideas.
Thanks so much,
Sheree
ps. I think I'm done talking to other people, like friends and family, about DS because I'm tired of hearing about how we should use time outs and spank and tell him that if he's not "good," then we can't do something. I feel like I have no one in real life who disciplines how we do, and I guess that's okay, but it's HARD.
We are trying to be gentle with disciplining and raising our kids, and we've (me probably more than DH though) tried to not use time-outs, rewards, punishments, etc.. Gentle disciplining doesn't come naturally do DH and I think he wants to try something that will work. He says that if the behavior isn't improving somehow, then maybe our method isn't working and we need to try something different. We know this kind of behavior is normal, but it's so hard to remember that in the moment of stopping one child from possible seriously hurting your other child.
So this is what we have done:
-redirected
-tried playful parenting
-distraction
-talking briefly (ex. hitting hurts, then show gentle ways like rubbing, hugging, tickling)
-separating so no one keeps getting hurt
-calming down in his cozy corner
-prevention
-given lots of attention
-kept fed and well-rested
Lately I have had to be RIGHT there every time DS even gets near DD. I mean, he can't even walk down the hall and go past her because I never know if he will try to get her. I know some of this is normal...I really really do. It's just, should the be going on ALL day long? It's not always all day long, but sometimes it is. I've been trying to give him activities to do because I thought that maybe he was getting bored, so I got out play doh and got him toddler scissors and crayons and have been going outside more. I've tried spending more one-on-one time with him too in case he's jealous.
So, after all that, do you have any more tips for what we can do to lessen this aggression?? We are seriously confused and at our wits end. Most days lately I am crying and I'm so tired as it is (chronic fatigue syndrome) and I feel so frazzled and overwhelmed. I can't even do dishes or some other housework during the day because the kids can't be near each other.
I'm trying to see if there is an overall problem going on and if so, what the heck it is and how to help DS. PLEASE PLEASE help me if you have any ideas.
Thanks so much,
Sheree
ps. I think I'm done talking to other people, like friends and family, about DS because I'm tired of hearing about how we should use time outs and spank and tell him that if he's not "good," then we can't do something. I feel like I have no one in real life who disciplines how we do, and I guess that's okay, but it's HARD.
