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I witnessed a mom purposely slam into her child with a shopping cart. - Page 2

post #21 of 65
I wouldn't have said anything because store employees were already involved- and I'd trust that Security would have called CPS if that was warrented in this situation.

What else can the mom do at that point? She got somebody else to care for the child to give herself a break. She completed her shopping (which might have been absolutely necessary- maybe her washer just broke and she's got mountains of laundry piling up at home.)
post #22 of 65
I feel for the Mother. It sounds like she was at the end of her rope. To top it all off everyone's standing around staring at the whole mess.

Now, I'm not saying she was right in running her kid down with the shopping cart at all. It's just unfortunate that it escalated to that point.

My kids have tested me in public lots of times, more often than not I haul them out of there before the urge to knock their heads together becomes more than an urge. (I wouldn't actually) End result, we go home, kids get plunked in front of the tv and I go chill out.

But sometimes there's a fantastic stranger, whether they be a salesclerk or just another shopper who pull my kids (and me) out of their funk. There was the Home Depot saleslady who brought over a handful of paint samples and some pens and asked the kids to draw some pictures for the store, and the old guy in the Winn Dixie line who opened his box of donuts and told my kids if they sit nicely on the floor they could have one. They did. (of course)
And many more....and they never fail to say "oh I remember those days...I had X kids...your a busy mom, etc..." It ALWAYS diffuses the situation.
post #23 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by childsplay View Post
But sometimes there's a fantastic stranger, whether they be a salesclerk or just another shopper who pull my kids (and me) out of their funk. There was the Home Depot saleslady who brought over a handful of paint samples and some pens and asked the kids to draw some pictures for the store, and the old guy in the Winn Dixie line who opened his box of donuts and told my kids if they sit nicely on the floor they could have one. They did. (of course)
And many more....and they never fail to say "oh I remember those days...I had X kids...your a busy mom, etc..." It ALWAYS diffuses the situation.
this.

if the mom had been repeatedly ramming the kid, or it seemed obvious that she intended to do it again, I would consider stepping in, because that would be actual prevention. after the fact, it's not really prevention.
post #24 of 65
I don't think you should have done anything. It sounds like mother got herself together and did what she needed to do to make sure the situation didn't escalate. Not a great parenting moment, but not worth calling the police over, and I don't think they couldn't have done anything about it anyway. I bet the manager and security guy were there either by coincidence or to make sure the little girl didn't come back to mom and start climbing into more expensive appliances and breaking them. I'm sure working in a large retail store like that, they've seen a lot worse than an intentional cart bump and wouldn't waste their time on it.

I also don't think stepping in post cart bump would have been wise either. They were already having a hard time, and the mom was trying to get out of a bad situation. Stepping in at that point would have likely only made the mom more upset and kept her from doing what she needed to do. I think it was best just to let it lie.
post #25 of 65
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Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
This has happened with me. It was when ds1 was about 5 or 6 (he's now 17). I still remember it, and it still makes me cringe inside when I think about it. I've worked through the guilt over some of my worst parenting moments with ds1, although it took a long time. The shame of that confrontation never went away.
Yes. I didn't ram my kid with a shopping cart, but I can remember one of my worst moments with one of my kids, and I think, if anyone was there and saw me, and came to me and started in on me...I think it would have really damaged my ability to learn fom the situation. I mean, after the exchange between me and my kid that I will forever regret, I felt AWFUL. I felt sooooo guilty, and like such a bad mother. I knew I was not parenting the way I should have. But I was so deep in a hole, and I was just trying to figure out how to get out. If I got lost in that guilt, I never would have come out. I would have become paralyzed.

I am glad this mom called for help eventually, even if it was later than would have been best.

The mom sounds like she lacked some skill from the get-go. The situation escalated because she was struggling to deal with it effectively in the first place, and it probably got even worse than it would have at home because all these eyes were on her and she was feeling judged and vulnerable. People act differently in those types of situations because they have the "fight or flight" chemistry happening in their brains.

She is trying to run a long-distance marathon on one leg. You think laying the law down with her when she has fallen is going to help her get up?

The situation deserved a compassionate response much earlier...compassionate toward both the child and the mother. Some folks have offered some good examples of such responses. I especially liked the one that came much earlier in the situation and started with telling the mom you weren't judging her.
post #26 of 65
You know, while I understand what you're saying those of you saying "stepping in after the fact would have only made matters worse", I guess it all depends on why you thought intervening was the thing to do in the first place?

Defintely preventing further imminent harm, if the parent seems to be about to do more actual damage, is a reason to intervene.

But my experience in talking to parents in situations like this is that almost across the board, once they calm down, they say how NICE it is to have someone talk to them with compassion. (They don't necessarily say "compassion" but so many have said to me "No one ever seems to understand.... maybe you do...")

For me, even though my ultimate goal is to help a child, I feel like most parents act like this because they don't know any better. I'm not saying this "role" is for everyone, but I reach out because my experience so far is that parents APPRECIATE someone saying "Hey, this is really hard. But you know, there are other ways... have you tried this?" Or "Do you realize this is going to backfire, but here's something else that might work for you instead?"

That's the spirit in which I approach, and yes to some (I've been told this before on MDC, not just in this thread ) saying anything at all is being a high and mighty busy-body. But my experience tells me otherwise (heck, actual MOMS have told me otherwise), and that's what I go on.

And even though my own is still young, I've already experienced what it feels like to have someone WELL MEANING offer support (which I always always appreciate in a hard moment) as well as having someone comment disapprovingly (usually because I had DD at a concert, even though she's wearing ear protectors) and really, the spirit in which the comment is made/intervention happens seems to make ALL the difference in how helpful/hurtful it is in the end.

Shaming a parent is never a solution. But going up and saying "This is hard... I totally understand. Have you ever tried this?" Some of you might balk at that as an intervention, but I notice all of you have also said you would never actually slam your child with a shopping cart. (Feel like it maybe, but not do it). And you guys felt bad about it right away. The parents I've intervened with, it seemed pretty clear they saw *nothing* wrong with how they'd handled it. They might have been embarrassed by their kid's behavior, but not by their own.

To me that's exactly what separates a parent like this from one who's just having a regular crappy parenting day. This parent actually slammed her child.

And that's why for me, I always try to find some way to intervene when it's gotten to the point of being badly physical, even after the fact. Because I may be (and have been, according to some moms) the only person who's ever given them any other useful info about how it's going to bite them later and what else they could try to do instead.
post #27 of 65
nak

had a terrible parenting moment with dd1 a few weeks ago. no cart but grabbed her arm and really screamed angrily at her. felt like total wreck over it then and now. had extended heart to heart with dd about it later, apologised to her and was forgiven. if anyone had said a single word to me about it i think i would have never gotten over it. it was bad enough, you know? i didn't need interference, i needed to be out of the rain with the baby, and i needed dd to understand why shredding her jacket sleeve was a bad idea. i knew shouting wasn't the best way to accomplish either. i knew i wasn't doing the right thing by her or by me. i really didn't need to be told anything, there was nothing to be said or done that would help.

So i don't think anything needed to be said or done. a parenting lesson in that moment, however well-meant, is like a road safety lesson after a bus has hit you - you're not in a place to listen well, and have wounds which need attention first.
post #28 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
But my experience in talking to parents in situations like this is that almost across the board, once they calm down, they say how NICE it is to have someone talk to them with compassion. (They don't necessarily say "compassion" but so many have said to me "No one ever seems to understand.... maybe you do...")
But what else are they supposed to say? "Thank you for making me feel even more ashamed & butting into my life?" No, they have to somehow 'save face' so to speak... So they play along... I'm not saying you're not being helpful, I don't doubt that some (maybe even most/all) of the parents you've intervened with have been incredibly grateful. Maybe you have a natural ability to communicate these kinds of lessons without being judgmental or condescending, especially due to your career/life experience. It's just really hard for me to picture this in my head -- how you can say it without offending the mom, and how you can offer advice without sounding high & mighty -- I do think the average person wouldn't come off as being 'compassionate.' I cannot imagine myself being anything but annoyed and embarrassed and upset if someone approached me like this. No, most of us wouldn't push a cart into our child -- but many might grab the kid a little too roughly, or push them aside a little too aggressively, it's just degrees of difference. I also don't think you (general you) can judge whether a person feels remorse just by their outward actions. People tend to get defensive when caught red-handed, and I know many who would deflect the blame to the misbehaving child rather than admit they reacted badly.
post #29 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
Defintely preventing further imminent harm, if the parent seems to be about to do more actual damage, is a reason to intervene.

But my experience in talking to parents in situations like this is that almost across the board, once they calm down, they say how NICE it is to have someone talk to them with compassion. (They don't necessarily say "compassion" but so many have said to me "No one ever seems to understand.... maybe you do...")

For me, even though my ultimate goal is to help a child, I feel like most parents act like this because they don't know any better. I'm not saying this "role" is for everyone, but I reach out because my experience so far is that parents APPRECIATE someone saying "Hey, this is really hard. But you know, there are other ways... have you tried this?" Or "Do you realize this is going to backfire, but here's something else that might work for you instead?"

That's the spirit in which I approach, and yes to some (I've been told this before on MDC, not just in this thread ) saying anything at all is being a high and mighty busy-body. But my experience tells me otherwise (heck, actual MOMS have told me otherwise), and that's what I go on.
Yeah - um, that would piss me off. So, I had a less-than-wonderful parenting moment in public, so I must "not know any better"? Seriously? The underlying arrogance of that is absolutely appalling. I also wouldn't feel that someone was being even remotely compassionate when they came up to explain to me how my parenting sucked and would bite me later, and how I "should" be doing xyz, instead.

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And even though my own is still young, I've already experienced what it feels like to have someone WELL MEANING offer support (which I always always appreciate in a hard moment) as well as having someone comment disapprovingly (usually because I had DD at a concert, even though she's wearing ear protectors) and really, the spirit in which the comment is made/intervention happens seems to make ALL the difference in how helpful/hurtful it is in the end.
Yes - and when the spirit is "I'd better tell this mom another way, because she obviously doesn't know what she's doing", it's not going to go over well with some people. It's also not "intervening" when the situation has already blown over. The woman in the OP left, and called someone.

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Shaming a parent is never a solution. But going up and saying "This is hard... I totally understand. Have you ever tried this?" Some of you might balk at that as an intervention, but I notice all of you have also said you would never actually slam your child with a shopping cart. (Feel like it maybe, but not do it). And you guys felt bad about it right away. The parents I've intervened with, it seemed pretty clear they saw *nothing* wrong with how they'd handled it. They might have been embarrassed by their kid's behavior, but not by their own.

To me that's exactly what separates a parent like this from one who's just having a regular crappy parenting day. This parent actually slammed her child.
I've never slammed my child with a cart. I have manhandled ds1 in public. It was not a "regular crappy parenting day", but it certainly wasn't out of any belief that it was the right way to handle it. I was mortified by the whole situation, and somebody standing by thinking, "that woman has no clue what she's doing" would have no idea what I was embarrassed about...and I was more defensive and bitchy when I knew I was in the wrong, because it was humiliating to be handling things so badly in a public place, on top of whatever else was going on with me that contributed to going over the edge. Anyone basing their opinion of how I felt about my interaction with my son on how I reacted to their butting in would have been way off base.

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And that's why for me, I always try to find some way to intervene when it's gotten to the point of being badly physical, even after the fact. Because I may be (and have been, according to some moms) the only person who's ever given them any other useful info about how it's going to bite them later and what else they could try to do instead.
That's fine. We all draw the line in different places, and I wouldn't intervene after the fact. FWIW, I've known at least two women in the last 5-6 years who would smile nicely at you, thank you for the information, and then go home and punish their children for the humiliation they experienced at being talked down to in public. It might have been a success for you, but it wouldn't have been for their kids.
post #30 of 65
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Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
a parenting lesson in that moment, however well-meant, is like a road safety lesson after a bus has hit you - you're not in a place to listen well, and have wounds which need attention first.
So well said. I agree completely.
post #31 of 65
I think I would have a given the mom a look of "you have done a very naughty thing" and walked away. The mom knows what she did was wrong... which is why she took care to separate the child from herself.

And any mom who did not recognize what she did wrong, after a lifetime of observing how humans interact with and treat each other, as sure as is not going to change with hearing the criticism from a stranger when they are in the midst of rage.
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Originally Posted by LROM View Post
... although I also lied and said I was a Pediatrician a couple times ....
I know this is much more about the child than the parent
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Originally Posted by LROM View Post
...honestly, if I was giving medical advice I would feel the same way about what I did.

But the truth is the 2 times I said that I was faced with young parents who were literally physically hurting their young toddlers (like I think each time they were under 2) and I made a quick judgment call ... I told them I worked for a family violence organization (which was true).
well, i am a physician... and this is not medical advice. just a response...
after practicing medicine for more than a few years, I realize more and more the less that I "know." It takes a while to really get to know and understand a person's situation. That is why doctor's get paid what they get paid, and why many see their patients over and over. If someone's foot is 180 degrees backwards, well you can probably guess that there is a fracture. But maybe not. Maybe something else.
In social or psych issues, family issues, even harder. Takes some time to figure out. Unlikely that a 4 second observation is enough to give you all the information. And here's a little secret, get to know some old physicians. You may find that those are the ones who make the least judgments. But listen best.

If there was literal physical hurting, I might also give a big wince on my face, said "ow!" or "yikes" but still walked away. It helps to also understand the laws of the state in which you reside. those dictate at what point you really must step in.
btw, if someone is licensed to give any sort of advice, they should be proud of it! Be proud to say: I am a licensed social worker. Or psychologist, or whatever. If you are....
post #32 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post


That's fine. We all draw the line in different places, and I wouldn't intervene after the fact. FWIW, I've known at least two women in the last 5-6 years who would smile nicely at you, thank you for the information, and then go home and punish their children for the humiliation they experienced at being talked down to in public. It might have been a success for you, but it wouldn't have been for their kids.
It's interesting that you mentioned this, b/c my first thought was to compare the situation to an abusive spouse (fwiw, I am not saying the mother in the OP scenario was/is abusive), but that the same defensive tendencies come up, as well as embarrassment and anger. I think the chances of doing harm by butting in is greater than the chance of it honestly making a difference. A husband who is being aggressive in public and is caught and lectured, is likely to be even more horrific when the couple gets home. I can definitely see myself getting more upset (mainly, b/c I'd be so mad at myself for what happened) and taking it out on my kids in the car home - yelling, being extra irritated, more crabby - b/c some stranger felt the need to "intervene" after the fact. That just adds fuel to the fire.
post #33 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by LROM View Post
But my experience in talking to parents in situations like this is that almost across the board, once they calm down, they say how NICE it is to have someone talk to them with compassion. (They don't necessarily say "compassion" but so many have said to me "No one ever seems to understand.... maybe you do...")
I think they are being polite. You have demonstrated here that you don't understand, and your child is too young for you to understand anyway.

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For me, even though my ultimate goal is to help a child, I feel like most parents act like this because they don't know any better.
Even if that is true (and I think it may be very presumptive and arrogant train of thought...but for the sake of argument, lets assume it is true), I don't think there is any way for a parent to be educated effectively in the circumstance.

First, as was already said, it is like trying to educate someone about road safety when they've just been hit by a bus. They are busy dealing with something else.

Second, I understand from my schooling in education, people can't learn when their brains are being impacted by a chemical reaction to fear, humilitation, shame, etc. This is NOT a "teachable moment."

More importantly, this mom was struggling waaaaaaay earlier than when she rammed her kid with the cart. She didn't know how to deal with her child not listening to her limits. That's a huge issue, and new skills to address it can't be taught -- in most cases -- even if you stood there for 45 minutes talking to her.

Even if you had planted a seed, and I deeply question whether a seed can be planted in that moment, if she truly "didn't know better" as you claim, then how would she know where to even begin gaining the skills to address the root cause of the issue?

I am firm that the time to intervene, if one was going to intervene would have been long before the incident with the cart.

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I'm not saying this "role" is for everyone, but I reach out because my experience so far is that parents APPRECIATE someone saying "Hey, this is really hard.
Alone, it is a compassionate statement, and out of the things you report saying, it is probably the best thing you say. I can buy that a lot, maybe even most people appreciate being acknowledged for how hard things are when they are struggling.

How useful that is in terms of helping them to change their ways of dealing, I don't know. I could see some people, if that is all they hear, feeling validated in their negative approach. "Everyone loses it like this." It sets a norm, in a way. On the other hand, I can see it helping others calm down, and sort of stand back from the situation.

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But you know, there are other ways... have you tried this?"
Before the climax in this story, maybe (I certainly wouldn't say, "but you know, there are other ways...have you tried this," but possibly "Oh man! I've been there! That is so hard. Would it help if...?") but after she has hit her child with the cart? No way. The bus already hit by that point. Her brain was all high on adrenaline.

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Or "Do you realize this is going to backfire, but here's something else that might work for you instead?"
IRL, I am a very calm person generally, at least on the outside. However, if someone ever said that to me, even I might freakin' lose it, especially if high on adrenaline. It comes off to me as incredibly arrogant...so judgemental, and righteous. I especially wouldn't be able to cope with something like that if I were humiliated, feeling shame, etc.

I really do think that no matter how polite someone might be when they are actually dealing with you, that you have no idea the damage you are causing when they go home. Like I said, that kind of thing would have really, really harmed my ability to learn from one of my darker moments as a parent.

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But my experience tells me otherwise (heck, actual MOMS have told me otherwise), and that's what I go on.
I guess I see families on the other side of that bridge. I work in ministry and work with families in pastoral ways in which I see wounds that someone wouldn't see in passing (or even in a longer term relationship, if the job of the outsider ultimately came down to judging the family).

I am a big advocate of intervening in cases of abuse, so this is actually unusual for me to be arguing this side of the coin. But this actually is the OTHER side of the coin. This was a mom who sounded like she was really struggling and lost it, and realized she needed help and called and got help. You might not relate to that yet...but you when your child is older, or you have more than one, unless you are in the 10% of people who just get lucky, I am willing to bet you'll finally have your own moment like this, even if not in public.

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And even though my own is still young, I've already experienced what it feels like to have someone WELL MEANING offer support (which I always always appreciate in a hard moment) as well as having someone comment disapprovingly (usually because I had DD at a concert, even though she's wearing ear protectors) and really, the spirit in which the comment is made/intervention happens seems to make ALL the difference in how helpful/hurtful it is in the end.
Rarely does unsolicited advice seem helpful to the majority. Most of us would rather someone extend a helping hand, rather than judgement.

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Shaming a parent is never a solution. But going up and saying "This is hard... I totally understand. Have you ever tried this?"
Again, what is being argued here is that this isn't helpful AFTER the parent has experienced a really intense moment in public, lost cool (lost face), and even recognized her need for help.

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Some of you might balk at that as an intervention, but I notice all of you have also said you would never actually slam your child with a shopping cart.
I don't doubt that none of us have done that. But I have been on MDC for what...12 years now (?)...and other similar AP/natural family boards for at least 10 years, and I have seen many loving AP parents come here and on the other boards very upset and horrified about having in a truly awful moment lost it and spanked, slapped or hit (even multiple times) their children.

These posters have reflected every sentiment expressed here about how the "lose it" moments (whether yelling, being rough, spanking, or in this case, ramming) aren't teachable moments. They were mortified. They felt awful about what they had done. They feared they weren't cut out to be parents. They felt they didn't deserve their children. They were so ashamed.

And the post might be made on MDC sometimes weeks after the original event, and even then, having come down from the adrenaline, someone saying the kinds of things you have said here can trigger that shame to levels unimaginable to you at this stage in your parenting journey. Almost invariably, the hurt gets too big to manage, people get defensive, arguments break out, feelings get hurt, and threads get shut down.

Like I said, parenting is really tough, and it can bring us to some primitive level of emotion we have never experienced before. The people who have said your "interventions" would have a negative impact on them are not so far from the average parent. Most of us are average parents...struggling to do our best.

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And you guys felt bad about it right away. The parents I've intervened with, it seemed pretty clear they saw *nothing* wrong with how they'd handled it.
I think I know what you are saying here. Because I have spoken up when I've seen a parent hitting or pinching a child in public when I thought it would help the situation because of the particular circumstances. I do think in some cases, when someone is hurting a child, it is clear that it is a "way of life" for the family.

If this mom had been screaming and hollering at her child throughout the store, for example, I wonder if we all would have reacted differently. Instead, we heard her struggling to manage her daughter's behavior without getting physical. We heard her trying to coax her child out of the dryer. We heard her trying to negotiate with her child, albeit by threatening to "call grandma," but basically trying to let her child know there would be a consequence. I think you are applying a rule of thumb from unrelated experiences to this one.

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They might have been embarrassed by their kid's behavior, but not by their own.
But I also think it is important to realize that people don't always wear it on their sleeve when they feel badly about their behavior. It is not really possible to make accurate guesses about how people feel about their own behavior based on passing experiences with them. You don't know if people regret or have remorse for how they are with their kid in any given moment.

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To me that's exactly what separates a parent like this from one who's just having a regular crappy parenting day. This parent actually slammed her child.
I think there are levels of "regular crappy parenting days." I think plenty of us are saying that we have had moments in time that have been out of the ordinary INTENSLY crappy. Like, "oh sh*t, did I just screw up my child for life?" crappy.

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And that's why for me, I always try to find some way to intervene when it's gotten to the point of being badly physical, even after the fact. Because I may be (and have been, according to some moms) the only person who's ever given them any other useful info about how it's going to bite them later and what else they could try to do instead.
The "bite them later" thing just really gets me because it is completely inconsistent with everything that is known about human learning. It's shaming, and people don't learn from that. You are claiming that (multiple) parents are thankful for you saying, "this is going to bite you later." I don't believe any such claim.
post #34 of 65
I think it is high time people speak up and support each other.......in a kind respectful way.....

there is so much hurt and pain in this world.....

and I believe the womyn and mama's of this planet need to step up and stand up for the healing of us all......
post #35 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I feel bad for the mom. I can remember shopping trips when I was pretty close that point. It's hard to be on edge, and it's doubly hard in public.
Me, too. And although I feel great shame now when I look back on those incidents (and did so in the immediate aftermath) I really don't feel that a stranger intervening with "helpful" comments would have been a good thing. At all.
post #36 of 65
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And even though my own is still young,
How old is your child, LROM?

The kindest thing anyone ever said to me--and a couple people have--is, "I remember those years. It does get better!" That made me want to be a better mom. Variants were, "Oh, I remember my daughter at that age." "Keep going, mama, mine were like that but it ended eventually."

I don't understand from the post why the mom was not able to physically take the child out of the dryer but I suppose (upon reflection) that is irrelevant. I don't think anything anyone could say would make a difference.

And misrepresenting as a doctor for any reason is wrong if not illegal in places.
post #37 of 65
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Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
How old is your child, LROM?

The kindest thing anyone ever said to me--and a couple people have--is, "I remember those years. It does get better!" That made me want to be a better mom. Variants were, "Oh, I remember my daughter at that age." "Keep going, mama, mine were like that but it ended eventually."

I don't understand from the post why the mom was not able to physically take the child out of the dryer but I suppose (upon reflection) that is irrelevant. I don't think anything anyone could say would make a difference.

And misrepresenting as a doctor for any reason is wrong if not illegal in places.
a few weeks ago, the day before my terrible parenting moment, dd1 was mucking about and i was losing my rag a little and an old gentleman who was walking slowly up the same hill as us said sympathetically "you have to do it all at their pace at that age don't you?". An ally, rather than a crusader wading in the "rescue my poor child", brought out the best in me, and we all walked together, my kids and this ally, up the hill, far more relaxed about it all, and he told me about his kids and how they were as 4yo's.
post #38 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
I don't understand from the post why the mom was not able to physically take the child out of the dryer but I suppose (upon reflection) that is irrelevant. I don't think anything anyone could say would make a difference.
Well, DS1 is almost 5yo. He is tall and solid. It's getting to the point that it is getting difficult for me to lift him, if he doesn't want to be lifted so I imagine in another year it would be pretty hard for me, if not impossible, to drag him out of a dryer if he was intent on staying in there. Not that it really matters, but I just thought I'd give you my point of view.
post #39 of 65
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Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
I'd be livid at the mom. Get your kid OUT of the dryer!

I can imagine needing a washer that bad that you stay with your kid whose pushing buttons, but at some point you have to leave anyway. Ugh.

FWIW, my daughter loves to walk in front of the stroller. I don't know why. It literally makes my heart skip because I know how bad it hurts to skin the back of your heel. I repeat, repeat, hold her hand, but she inevitably runs right up there... to her place... right in front of the stroller / cart. And yes, one day, she did (as she usually does) stop suddenly, and my stroller slammed into her heels. She was freaking out, and everyone was glaring at me. Like I did it on purpose. I had been asking her to please, come to my side. (And yes, she still walks there... right where her heels will get skinned... I hold my breath, not good for stress management, but what can I do? Ask again? Go home... again? Ugh.)

Maybe it was a true accident?
I hope so!

With your dd, have you tried making her sit in the stroller/cart every time she walks in front of it? Or having her be the one to push it (you steer when necessary)? The fact that she's already gotten hurt would maybe make it easier to lay it on the line as a safety issue.

I'd also bet that her walking there is making shopping extra stressful for you since you're going to have to slow down to try not to run into her.
post #40 of 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by EdnaMarie View Post
The kindest thing anyone ever said to me--and a couple people have--is, "I remember those years. It does get better!" That made me want to be a better mom. Variants were, "Oh, I remember my daughter at that age." "Keep going, mama, mine were like that but it ended eventually."
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoBecGo View Post
a few weeks ago, the day before my terrible parenting moment, dd1 was mucking about and i was losing my rag a little and an old gentleman who was walking slowly up the same hill as us said sympathetically "you have to do it all at their pace at that age don't you?". An ally, rather than a crusader wading in the "rescue my poor child", brought out the best in me, and we all walked together, my kids and this ally, up the hill, far more relaxed about it all, and he told me about his kids and how they were as 4yo's.

Mind you, you do have to use that sort of remark before the parent loses it. When they're upset, but still in control.
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