Tiny Apartment Hangup (warning: too long)

[taffywelsh]

Hello all

I am in need of reassurance. My baby is coming pretty soon (end of Sept, beginning of Oct), and I have yet to make peace with my living situation. My partner and I were forced out of a great (and large) apartment...new owners decided to move into our unit and refused to move us into another one.
Our neighborhood is expensive, and the climate is cold so heat gets really pricey, (plus, I'll be unemployed for about five months if not ten) so when I saw an $800 apartment with heat included I said "I'll take it".

As you have realized by now, I made a stupid mistake. This apartment is pretty and has great views, but it is super tiny and I feel like I'm in a cell. There is a living room about 10'x12', a 9'x10' bedroom, and a little baby room about 9'x8'. A puny hall where you bash your hip and belly if you are as bulky as me. The bathroom is a sin, it is like the ones on Amtrak trains...shower only, of course. Let me just say the kitchen is nice, I will admit it. There are only two places where the floor is big enough to lay down on, one of which is in the kitchen. Any project one might hope to undertake effectively takes up the entire apartment. There is no laundry, no basement or hall storage, and the parking scene is iffy. Smoke (regular and pot) drifts into the place from the stoop at regular intervals. The landlord gives the distinct impression of being both unresponsive and a lunatic. My partner had to sell a bunch of valuable books because we have no space for them (I had to sell all my detective novels and donate lots of my clothes, but I wasn't too sad about it), and both of our parents are reluctantly storing some (well, lots) of our stuff also. There is zero place for any more furniture than we have, which does already include a changing table and a tiny cradle. There is just enough room next to my side of the bed for a moses basket jammed into a bassinet holder...a co-sleeper would be too large. I am afraid to put the baby in the actual bed with me, but I might be able to squeeze a mini crib into the baby room if I jettison the cradle (it's the one my dad made me when I was born). I don't understand how to bathe her, because the shower is no good and the kitchen sink is a sort of Smurf version of a kitchen sink--barely large enough to fit a small pan. The diaper pail will have to have a place of honor in the center of the floor. Naturally, many other doomsdayish scenarios are coursing through my brain as well...all of the obvious gripes, I have them.

Sorry for the long whinge, but this situation is driving me insane. I can't even start to imagine experiencing early labor in this place (I'm going to be in a nice birthing center for the rest of it, thankfully), and G*d only knows where I will actually put the baby when she returns to her home (I mean, I know I can wedge her in somewhere, but it is not a really encouraging thing to dwell on. What is going to happen when she starts to grow larger and move around? Where will her clothes and diapers and carrier etc etc go? How am I going to play with her in the absence of floor space? Did I mention there is no yard or porch...). The whole thing is compounded by my partner's irrational love of this moronic apartment. He refuses to look for (or, more to the point, let me look for) another one. Unlike me, he has a good attitude and is an optimist. I think my mind was poisoned by the fact that I was forced out of a perfect place, and that taking on this place was my doing, since I found it myself! I wish I could be getting excited about the baby coming, but I'm so narrow-mindedly anxious about my place that I can't start picturing life with her.

Let me just add the disclaimer that I realize I'm acting majorly, unforgivably spoiled, and I know that some people have to live in shipping containers or tents or their parents' horrible basements etc. I apologize for my uncool reaction to a situation that is really not the worst. However, for me, a tiny space like this is very unsettling, to the point of distraction and whirling anxiety.

If somebody could address this problem, without asking me if the place might not be a little bigger than I've indicated (it's not) or suggesting I move (I can't), I would be very grateful. Reassuring or comforting sentiments will be welcomed. However, if you just read this and want to retreat in a fit of disgust I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND

thanks either way, ladies!

[RedOakMomma]

Awwww..... Sweetie, you're nesting.

I live in a beautiful roomy house, and I'm still looking around feeling dissatisfied. Every litle flaw grates on my nerves. Every bit of chipped paint or plaster makes me feel like we never should have decided to live in a 70-year-old home. I curse the creaky floors when I wake up to pee at night. I cringe when I walk outside and see how much the wood trim needs attention, or when I think of the leak in the kitchen ceiling. My skin crawls when I notice how old and shabby some things are. And don't even get me started on how freaked out I felt (for weeks!) when our basement decided to spring a leak for the very first time in 8 years. Dh thought I was crazy for letting it bother me so much, but for weeks I would often feel tense/angry/sad thinking about how unsettled it all felt with our basement having issues.

You may be having a pretty extreme nesting response, and I'm sure moving hasn't helped. Is it possible you'll feel better once the baby arrives? I know this pregnancy has made me hyper-sensitive to my home environment, and I'm really hoping I chill out (A LOT) when the baby arrives. For some reason I'm freaking out (truly!) about house stuff that had never really bothered me in past years. I mean, yeah, I noticed the problems, but I didn't stress and obsess over them the way I'm stressing now.

Have you looked into projects that might help you feel better? Look into articles online about small living spaces (it's a trend that's getting tons of press), or living on boats, and see some of the strategies they're using for space, sanity, and creating some serenity in such tight quarters. Even just painting, making it more your own, might help. s to you. It's not easy, I'm sure.

[Lyss]

If it makes you feel any better, I quit my job (I was the breadwinner, but the recession was affecting business) almost two years ago. The kids and I lived with my dad while my DH worked on finishing up his postdoc and looking for a job.

Long story short, he didn't get a job, and we moved back into a nice neighborhood with a great school, but a small one-bedroom apartment. There are four of us here. In a strange twist, we wound up agreeing to stay for a second year. We live on a sofa bed in the living room right next to the eating area and the kids have a large-ish bedroom/playroom. It was a total shock I got pregnant - it wasn't even on the radar. So now there will be FIVE of us in a one-bedroom apartment.

Insult to injury, my daughter's probably not even going to go to that school next year, but we can't sign a new lease because DH is going to look for a job again this academic year.

I feel you. I can't even IMAGINE how crowded we're going to be. ONE BATHROOM! And I have horrible morning sickness, and no matter where I go, I'm on top of the kitchen/eating area.

I haven't really minded our small space. It was fine for the first year, and I will tolerate the second year, but having a doula and laboring at home is out of the question. It's too small. And a baby!

But I suppose I would rather have this apartment and my big crazy family than a successful career and a condo on the beach.

But I get it. Did you know Arm's Reach makes a mini co-sleeper? That's what I'm hoping to use, although I can't really attach it to the sofa bed or co-sleep as we did with the other two. It's just a different ballgame. And my rent is way more than yours, if that makes you feel any better.

The baby won't remember. I read an article in a parenting magazine once about a family that lived in a one-BR in NYC until 6 mo after the third baby was born, and how they kind of all got used to and enjoyed being on top of one another. It will work out. But I doubt you'll be on the cover of Sunset Magazine. Me neither.

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I can do two things. 1 is tell you that I'd be feeling the same way you are if I had your apartment with one on the way. I was a crazy nester. The other thing I'll say is that babies are really small. If you don't buy into all the hype they require precious little in the way of stuff too. Having less house to clean will be a blessing with a new baby. Having more $ and less worry over heating bills will be nice too. And, contrary to what I just said there are some great space-saving products out there like this:

http://www.softandcozybaby.com/categ.../Tummy-Tub.htm

[the janet]

Originally Posted by Lyss

I read an article in a parenting magazine once about a family that lived in a one-BR in NYC until 6 mo after the third baby was born, and how they kind of all got used to and enjoyed being on top of one another.

Ho, boy!

We live in a 2 BR in NYC but the extra room (which could never function as an actual BR anyway since it gets so much hallway/outside noise) is currently my husband's studio...which isn't really being used for its intended purpose but as a storage room. Our BR (which has already sacrificed 1/4 of its space for my "office") is hardly big enough to cram in a crib (which is fine since we intend on cosleeping) or, more importantly, a nursing chair. Aside from space constraints, I despise my building (too long of a story but similar to yours, taffywelsh) so I would love to move in March when our lease is up. Ideally, into an open loft-like space so the kid could move about freely when s/he becomes mobile...and so I can stop complaining about how small the BR is since there wouldn't actually be a bedroom.

Anyway, I feel your pain and hope it all works out!

[MaerynPearl]

I lived in a huge apartment when I had my first... but I LIVED in just one room of it. Same with second. Planning on it with this third one as well. Tiny babies don't need much room to start out, luckily! And they really don't need much stuff either.

I know it seems daunting, but after baby gets here, you will be surprised about how much you worried about that just seems to work itself out.

As for washing baby... before they are mobile, sponge baths are more than enough! They don't really need a good bath like bigger kids do!

[IdentityCrisisMama]

I just re-read my post and I didn't want to come off as thinking your space was so terrible...I really don't. I just meant that you aren't spoiled because you'd like a bit more space is all.

[MissMorgan]

Pregnancy has made me sometimes have these days where EVERYTHING sucks. The house size (its a super TINY one bedroom), the mess, the amount of stuff we have crammed in here, the chances of us moving any time soon, the HORRIFYING fact that we don't have a bathtub (I am 100% a bath person and would have taken 3 a day while pregnant if we had one... i'm still sad about it and can't wait to go into labor just to use the jacuzzi at the hospital! I barely even fit in the shower right now because I'm so big.)
But really instead of stressing about what I can't change and what won't be any different I've had to just find peace. This place is cute, its super small but cute. The baby won't be mobile for some time and by then we can try to figure out a new idea. I bought a super cute little whale shaped tub for the baby for a bathtub and made a space for it under something in the (TINIEST!) closet. I've just tried to make it fun and into something that I can be happy about because, thank goodness, we have a place to live and we can afford it on one income. I know you don't want to hear that you should feel more grateful BUT I will say that for me, it was my attitude that needed to change and I feel SO MUCH BETTER now. So, do whatever you can to make the little space home for now, keep your eyes open for something better, and just know that it is only temporary!

[taffywelsh]

Originally Posted by IdentityCrisisMama

I just re-read my post and I didn't want to come off as thinking your space was so terrible...I really don't. I just meant that you aren't spoiled because you'd like a bit more space is all.

Don't worry, I didn't take it the wrong way!
Thanks all for the comments. I really needed to get that one out of me once and for all.
The stupid thing is, I grew up with no electricity or plumbing until I was 8 or 9, my parents slept behind a curtain in a hallway, and just imagine some other adverse conditions if you want the full picture. I of all people should be able to handle this...at least I have running water!
All of my toughness has gone out the window with this pregnancy...bad timing, since you need plenty of toughness in this business.
Maybe all I need is a whale-shaped baby bathtub!
anyway the comments are much appreciated, womyn.

[taffywelsh]

Originally Posted by Lyss

It will work out. But I doubt you'll be on the cover of Sunset Magazine. Me neither.

This is funny! I won't be there, for sure. Unless they want a photo shoot of a kitchen table three feet high with papers and assorted detritus. But in my case it would be Downeast Magazine...I had to look up Sunset and it appears to be a mirror image of Downeast: loaded with 3,000 sq foot "camps" etc, just on the other coast.
bah humbug

[MonP'titBoudain]

I get it. My sister, in her own fit of nesting energy, leased a tiny 2 room apartment that was maybe generously 250 sq ft. She also felt a little nutso when her nesting energy switched from *needing* a nest to feathering said nest. But, she had to be there cause it's what she could afford and what she was locked into. Anyway, don't beat yourself up for feeling antsy about it. For some inspiration there's a whole huge thread on living in small spaces. Some will be more like your space and some will be a lot bigger (seems the definition of small is much like the definition of beauty: in the eye of the beholder).

And, for kicks, my son napped in a dresser drawer when not co-sleeping. We had his pulled out and next to the bed all the time, but for easier storage you can always push the drawer back into the dresser (when baby is not inhabiting, of course!!). As a pp said, babies need almost nothing in the way of gear and baby clothes take very little space. I hope you can find some solutions that will help you feel happier in your space!

[RedOakMomma]

Originally Posted by MonP'titBoudain

And, for kicks, my son napped in a dresser drawer when not co-sleeping. We had his pulled out and next to the bed all the time, but for easier storage you can always push the drawer back into the dresser (when baby is not inhabiting, of course!!).

My mother slept in a drawer as a baby! She always thought it was a great story...

[cristeen]

Just FYI, my little guy had a grand total of 1 bath between birth and 10 mos. I would use a water sling maybe once a month and take him in the shower w me. Until they're mobile, they really don't need any more than that.

I also agree w the pp - you're nesting. Pp this is probably not going to bother you as much.

[new york momma]

Not to sound competitive, but our Manhattan apartment sounds smaller than yours (no baby room, no table to eat at or chairs, just one small couch) and we pay more than twice your rent. We're on a high floor of an old building with no elevator in Harlem with a view out the bathroom window of a gas station. What's worse is that both DH and I have our Masters degrees and are full-time private school teachers but don't make enough to pay for a bigger space. I started chatting with the families over in the Finances and Frugality subforum on this website and found a lot of people had even tighter spaces--for instance, a family of five living in a studio apartment. It gave me perspective. The chatters in that forum also gave me ideas for managing the space, such as clearing out our tiny bookshelf and placing shoe boxes in it for the baby's clothes. You might consider posting over there to get some creative space saving ideas.
Best of luck.

[CherryBomb]

Ya'll need to move out here to the Midwest, you could live like kings for $800 a month! Seriously though, I feel you. We've currently got 3 kids and 2 adults in 1040sq ft with another on the way and it's kind of stressing me out! We don't have much storage space, though we do have an attached garage that I can't park in because it's basically a big closet :/ But our kids don't seem to mind so I'm sure we'll survive!

The drifting smoke would really bother me, though. I think it's great that your partner is an optimist, but checking out some bigger places couldn't hurt.

[the janet]

Originally Posted by new york momma

a family of five living in a studio apartment.

[Galatea]

Well, if it's any consolation, the baby is going to be attached to you pretty much 24-7 for a long time, so she won't need much space.

[rightkindofme]

For the first few years of living in my house I was fussy about wanting a bigger house. (Our house is ~950 sq ft, but it is by far the smallest house in our suburb area.) So it's not that tiny of a house. But uhm... we don't use one of the three bedrooms almost at all and the 'guest room' is barely used. We don't even have much furniture in those rooms. Instead I have gotten rid of tons of stuff so that we are mostly living in the living room/one bedroom. I LOVE not having more space to clean. I got rid of stuff so that we could slowly grow into this space as our kids grow up so that it always feels pretty spacious. It seems like this apartment is not a 'permanent' situation for you and that means you don't have to worry about fitting in that space in ten years.

Most anything can be bearable for a little while.

[Megan73]

Originally Posted by MaerynPearl

I lived in a huge apartment when I had my first... but I LIVED in just one room of it. Same with second. Planning on it with this third one as well. Tiny babies don't need much room to start out, luckily! And they really don't need much stuff either.

Yep. We live in a small, 1912 semi and don't even even use all our rooms. Our son slept in our room in a crib at the foot of the bed - although I'd like a mini-crib for the new baby - and we spent all our time in the kitchen or adjacent 10x10 "family room."
The kid's carrier can hang on a hook by the front door, try underbed boxes for clothes and realize that you really don't need 90% of the stuff marketed for babies.
You don't need a change table, the bed or kitchen counter work fine - (keep diapers, wipes etc. in a basket you can move with you). You can bathe baby in a big pot or plastic tub. If you eventually need a stroller (my son refused to be worn after about 18 months), you can buy one that folds up quite small (Maclaren, Quinny) and store it in your trunk, given that you have a car.
I was given or bought at thrift stores a swing, bouncer and Bumbo and found them all unnecessary and gave them away. My son did like an Exersaucer but I'm looking into the safey of a Jolly Jumper, which hangs in a door frame and takes up next-to-no space.
You can also buy high-chairs that don't have legs but strap onto a dining chair to save space.
You have my absolute sympathy on having no bathtub

[spatulagirl]

Awww hugs. You can make it work. You just need to start thinking about some of the positive aspects (there has to be some!)

We had our first in a Japanese apartment which is unbelievable small and we had a roommate. We had no room but you know it was also great! I had nothing to do but focus on my baby. We had no belongings, cleaning was easy, laundry was easy, and I just made sure to get out of the house a lot. I did a ton of walking near the end of the pregnancy and a lot of walking during his babyhood.

You can do it.

We are soon going to have a family of 6 with five indoor animals (2 dogs, 2 cats and a rabbit) in a tony 1300 square foot house. I love my house and the tiny size but when pregnant it never seems to be enough. It never is when you are pregnant! LOL