You SERIOUSLY Thought That Would Happen?

[chely7425]

So, a couple days ago my husband tells me he wants a separation and we will try and keep talking and see where we stand when he gets back from deployment in like 14-ish months. Well, apparently he thought that despite him asking for this when I am 30 weeks pregnant he thought I would STAY HERE (across the country from any family or good friends) and take care of the house and kids until he deployed... He seriously thinks we should be "separated" because he needs time to himself to think and focus on work but that I should stay here with very little outside support and do everything I have been doing as a SAHM...

[hillymum]

I'm not going to tell you what I think of men right now, particularly my sbx but I will say I am continually stunned by some of the behaviors I have seen in them and heard about from them.
Hugs!

[chely7425]

I think he is pissed that I am disrupting his lifestyle... he is going to have to clean up after himself and cook himself food and wash his own clothes. We were talking earlier and I was telling him I was scared to go and whatever he said "this was your choice, you chose to move, you could have stayed here and taken care of the kids and the house"

[vannienicole]

Go wherever you need to go.

[chely7425]

Yeah, I am definitely going home Monday... I can't have a baby with him maybe or maybe not being here (deployment coming up) and I am only here because of him, because of our family. He apparently isn't feeling that right now so why stay here?

[vannienicole]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Yeah, I am definitely going home Monday... I can't have a baby with him maybe or maybe not being here (deployment coming up) and I am only here because of him, because of our family. He apparently isn't feeling that right now so why stay here?

How are the boys taking this?

[chely7425]

The 1 year old has no idea what is going on... he is REALLY a mommy type kid too so I think he will be ok. My oldest (2 years old) loves his daddy and knows something is up but he isn't very verbal so I don't really know what he understands. We are just telling them daddy has to be away for work, since he is deploying soon. I think it will honestly be easier for them to be back home during deployment than here anyway, lots of people to do things with them and give them individual attention as opposed to down here its just me and soon a newborn added in. Plus, we are really isolated down here and there isn't much to do down here but there is a ton back where we are from.

[Katie T]

Hugs to you mama, how terrible. I hope everything turns out the way it should and I hope you get lots of loving support along the way. I agree especially with a new little one coming to go home where family is close.

I am sorry this is happening to you.

[chely7425]

Thanks Katie.. it really does stink, I am just hoping he can use this time to figure out what he wants and where his priorities lie. I know what I want but he needs to figure out where he stands and what he wants. I can't be the only one fighting for us anymore.

[meemee]

aaaaaah rachel i am so so so glad you are going home. that you are not staying there. or with him.

it is fantastic. seriously. ex did the same with me. asked me for a divorce 3 weeks before dd was born. and i had the loneliest pregnancy ever. i wish i would have done it on my own. it was so so so lonely having him around. we stayed together for another year and a half.

i think your children are at the right age to maybe not suffer a great deal. and with so much family around, they are going to have a blast.

[chely7425]

There is no way I could stay here living like normal except separated, ya know? He needs to really figure out what he wants because I know what I want but obviously he doesn't. Hopefully this time will do that... I hope he realizes he wants us to be a family but if he doesn't that is ok too, I just can't do this back and forth anymore. The kids don't need it either... I just can't believe he would expect me to stay and clean and cook and take care of everything while separated... That's like having his cake and eating it too which is not how it works in my book.

[ashleyhaugh]

are you at ft polk? what is it about that place? myu ex asked for a divorce less than 2 months after we got there! i feel you on wanting to leave though. my experience was awful, but i know it would have been better if the circumstances were different

we did live together but seperated for a year, it was tough because he was there. i felt guilty, because i actually wished he would deploy again.... my family isnt onw that i could stay with though, evn if i wanted too, which i dont, lol

[chely7425]

Yeah, we are at Fort Polk.. I didn't mind it so much when we were here as a family but without that there is no reason to stay. All the guys are deploying and all my friends are either going home for deployment or they are moving due to PCS/ETS. Plus, the hospital down here isn't the greatest and I can't have a baby down here not knowing where we stand and if he will even be home. I think part of what makes this place so bad is there is nothing to do!

[*MamaJen*]

to you, mama. I'm so glad you're going back home where you'll have love and support.

Originally Posted by hillymum

I'm not going to tell you what I think of men right now, particularly my sbx but I will say I am continually stunned by some of the behaviors I have seen in them and heard about from them.
Hugs!

Yeah, totally! I really have to make a point of talking to friends who are in good marriages, or hanging out with guy friends who are decent human beings, just to avoid becoming a total man hater. And I've always gotten along better with guys than girls. The last couple of years have really tried hard to turn me into a ...what's the opposite of misogynist?

[homewithtwinsmama]

Absolutely go home. If divorce happens you want it to be where you are most happy and supported. This site hears from mamas who followed husbands to the middle of nowhere and got stuck there when he decided he wanted his freedom but she had to stay close for his visitation. Go quickly!

[GranoLLLy-girl]

I'll second that last comment.
I am sort of a similar boat--dh wants out, 20 years, 2 kids...but now I'm looking for job opportunities in our previous city. Only 125 miles away, but still--TRYING to get out now while I can.

[Momtwice]

Ah yes. The man who wants out, but wants it to happen in a way that is convenient for him. The man who is shocked to find that leaving his wife means giving up the comforts and conveniences of having one. I am familiar with this creature.

The fact that this annoys you is a healthy sign for you.

[chely7425]

Thanks guys I was definitely not staying here but it's good to have some confirmation that I made the right choice and that his expectations are a bit ridiculous!! And yes... It definitely annoys me!!!

[Momtwice]

Originally Posted by chely7425

Thanks guys I was definitely not staying here but it's good to have some confirmation that I made the right choice and that his expectations are a bit ridiculous!! And yes... It definitely annoys me!!!

In the meantime you probably need to look into the legal aspects of moving away to make sure that your do so in such a way that protects your rights and makes your experience as positive as possible in the future.

[chely7425]

Originally Posted by Momtwice

In the meantime you probably need to look into the legal aspects of moving away to make sure that your do so in such a way that protects your rights and makes your experience as positive as possible in the future.

Yeah we have that pretty much covered... I have a POA to take care of finances and the kids and all that, a lot of military wives go home during deployment so yeah