Anyone else not enjoy playgroups?

[scottishmommy]

I find playgroups totally exhausting. We have a very active dd (19 mos). She's into everything. Our apartment is very well baby proofed so she has a great time exploring and pretty much running free. When I'm at other people's houses, however, she becomes so difficult. Her temperment is fine, she's very cheerful, if not a little determined, but she is incredibly busy and destructive. If we go to a playgroup I spend the entire time chasing her around, correcting her and redirecting her. I'm sort of amazed by how unbaby proofed people's houses are. I guess their toddlers don't get into everything? She's also a toy grabber so I have to take toys away from her over and over again. Eventually she just breaks down because she gets so frustrated. In the mean time all the other moms are just sitting around drinking coffee and chatting. Their toddlers are perfectly content to play with their own toys and not pull books off the book shelves, or take other kids toys, or explore every nook and cranny! I really wonder if it's worth it to hang out with other toddlers. I know it's important for dd to socialize but I find it so stressful. Does anyone else not do playgroups? Is it really that important to socialize toddlers?

[Maluhia]

not important.

your dd is probably bummed you keep taking toys from her, they can't understand ownership of toys yet really.

If I were you I'd host at my place or do activities with muliti-age group kids.

[WindyCityMom]

We're not fans of playgroup. I think socializing at the park is fine enough for toddlers. They're still learning how to handle themselves, and sometimes, throwing other children and new surroundings into the mix is a recipe for disaster!

[Cascadian]

I hated them. Found them unnecessary and tiring, and I'm not a big fan of hours of small talk and keeping an eye on a whole bunch of kids at differing levels of development/teething/illness/biting-ness/whinyness.... I also think that PGs are more for moms than kids.

But that's just me

ETA I think that toddler peer socialization is way overrated. Toddlers can be nicely socialized with adults or older kids.

[WindyCityMom]

Yeah I agree that it's more for the moms than the kids. I really dislike them because they turn into "I am holier than thou" fests alot of the time... Egh.

[BellaClaudia]

Totally agree. Playgroops are not for everyone.
We had super active baby turned inot just as active toddler and
we are just as protective of the surroundings as many people are not
so aside from major safety concern at other people homes.. corners, cables,
stairs.. not baby prooved, the temperament of our child just did not fit
the group.

Then I red somwhere that some kids are better in one on one situation and so
I clearly seen the difference. It is much less frustrating to have to deal with two kids and two parents at the time then bunch.

My kid would be the one who grabs.. touches everybody or even samples their clothing curious beyond imagination and so I would be in the position of either constatntly correcting my child for being curious and expermenting
and "inviding" other babies turf or apologising to moms..

It was so frustrating and then we just resolved to parks as at this time
I totally agree they don't need a group plays at all and they do not play "together" anyways but just side by side and therefore
they don't need a group play for anythign other then frustrations.

Little children are self centered and it is not natural for them to share, and
to play together in this manner and forcing them is in my opinion a concept of parents of one child, as usually parents of multi don't try to drag their little ones to play group as they have enough of "interacitons" at home
and yet it is different and all.

but then again.. for me it was easier to just do playgrounds and mall playgrounds indoors and when she was older and more matured a group socialisation in paid classes parent/child where there was someone "in charge" for any situations that was not me or any other parent was perfect
and kids do behave differently.

Do check for any parent/child classes, it is fun you are there next to her with other kids, time is organized, plays are organized and all and you are not frustrated.

It is worth every money and they are so cheap.Just look for some place that offers some socializing activites for children. In usa the places are usually city or state founded town centers or parks dept who have classes for as little as one year old and under of course with parents and of course they do not do anyting other then "are" and interact in an supervised structured play.

We did that and we never looked back.

I don't think that it is natural for little one to share toys, even we big people do not share per se... just to give my car or a house because someone wants it there is a long process requireing higher mind to grasp it and
so it is not overnight.. and little one has more frustration then fun from
being in a group of toddlers that do nothing for most part but wait for the right moment to go after other kid toys and they want all that is new and different.

it is so silly as I think baby groups are more for mams to meet and chat then for babies really and frankly for many moms it is more of a thing to do because everyone is doing it and "fit in" if you can afford not to "fit in" then just relax, I never worried or cared about fitting in any group and this is
so relieving.

Of course this is a side of just one person.. me, who opted out but then there are other mamas who can provide the other side of the story that I don't know by not investing more of our life in it.

[OkiMom]

Im not a fan of playgroups either. When DD1 was younger I took her to a weekly playgroup, I picked this one specificially because it was a variety of ages (from birth to 6 with a few older homeschooled children as well) so I figured it would be a good place for DD to learn to socialize with a variety of ages. I found that NO ONE except me was watching the children. The older ones would bully the younger ones (push them off the ride on toys, steal things from them, hit/kick them) and would laugh and curse at me when I corrected them. The younger ones learned behavior from the older ones which meant I had a ton more behavioral problems with DD when we got home. I didn't get along with anyone there either since they were very mainstream and Im not. Once they started discussing Babywise and the Pearl's teaching at the group I stopped going.

[mattemma04]

I did them with my first thinking it was a must,but once my son came 3 years later I stopped.Still tried the homeschool groups.Hated them for all the mentioned reasons.Similar to the homeschool groups where it was chaos with kids and most parents chatting.

Sometimes groups click and if not you move on to the next.I just stopped altogether.

[marimara]

I go to them occasionally even though I, nor my almost 4 year old daughter, don't like them. I've never liked them, I pretty much hate small talk, over and over and over. It's fine when you first meet someone but after at least the second time it should be over with. I find the "perma-smile" painful to be around (the everlasting smile that must be on your face and that you find on every other mom's face, who's trying to be friendly and meet other moms, you know the one.). It's difficult to scan the crowd to find your child/children and try to keep up a conversation. As an introvert (dd too) we don't like crowds and prefer small groups. Unfortunately, we still go because it's one of the only ways to meet people around here. I think playgroups are for extroverts, those seem to be the only people who enjoy them.

[swd12422]

OMG, no. If it's that stressful for you, skip it! I had the same issue, and even now at almost 3, they still stress me out for the same reason. Whenever DS is someplace new, he CANNOT stop looking, touching, experimenting. Add the frenzy of other kids around, and it becomes a desperate grab-fest b/c of the energy from the other kids and b/c he doesn't want to miss out on looking at something just b/c another kid got there first.

Even playdates with one other kid are like this. Yesterday we had his best friend over, and they fought over EVERYTHING. It was a nightmare. It's like he becomes a different kid altogether, and it upsets me.

I think marimara is right. It's an introvert/extrovert thing. DS is definitely an extrovert, but I'm not. So I'm here with other moms, having nothing to say to them, trying to focus on watching DS who isn't at all shy but definitely has his own agenda and isn't quite at the age of playing WITH other kids (getting there), and it's too much for me.

[mamazee]

I think for very very young kids, some of these groups are more for the parents than the kids. Over a period of time that changes, and it's part for the kids and part for the parents, and then eventually largely for the kids. But I think if you don't like it, you should just stop. You might like it more when she's a bit older and/or you might like a different group with more variety in ages.

[BetsyS]

I didn't join one until my oldest was 2. He begs to play with friends all the time, nad he loves, loves, loves his playgroup (he's 4). Ours is pretty small, though, nad the same moms all the time, most of whom I like.

We've been through long periods where the only activities I do with the playgroups are parks and other outdoor stuff or stuff in public places (tours of local things, local concerts, etc). My children (there are now 3 of them) are just really active, and I only trust them at a few peoples' houses (people that have children that are just as active as mine--and I can only think of 2 people right off the top of my head).

I just decline playdates at peoples' houses that have quiet, mild mannered children. I know that those are not going to be fun.

[deditus]

I love playgroups, but they are not at homes. We go to API playgroups that are at rotating locations, parks, splash pads, beaches, and wading pools in the summer, nature centers and indoor playgrounds in the winter. I happen to live where there is an incredibly active and supportive API group, though.

[enigo]

I tried so hard to like playgroups (usually were at the park though). DS didn't seem to like them much for many of the reasons the OP mentioned. I also always felt like I was the only one not relaxing and drinkig coffee.

One day it occured to me that he wasn't enjoying it at all and spent half the time in meltdown mode. I certainly hadn't enjoyed it all along.
Used to just drive me nuts when moms showed up with a bag full of plastic toys to the park. We're at the park!!!
Anyway it's just hard at that age, they really aren't into playing with other kids as much either and everyone wants everyone else's toy.

[scottishmommy]

You know what else I can't stand about PGs? How your baby gets categorized as a push over or a bully when they are 18 months old. It's like we're already setting them up to be a certain way. My dd is an absolute delight when she isn't around other toddlers trying to play with her toys.

[CrazyCatLady]

Heck no I hated those things. I do have social anxiety but the kids were almost always overstimulated and cranky. I rarely got along with any of the moms. I don't think toddlers "need" socialization anyways. When I lived in WA there were some MDC mom get togethers that were really nice...but that was it. And I tried different play groups everywhere. I even got kicked out of some for my alternative lifestyle.

So I gave up on play groups and mom groups while my dd was little. I started attending home school groups when my dd was five and they are so.much.better. Parents are more laid back, kids actually enjoy each other and can entertain themselves, I find moms I actually enjoy chatting with. It's a whole different thing and I'm loving it. We have some more snooty, close minded home school groups here too...but they're easy enough to avoid.

So I say only put up with trying to find a play group if you yourself are actually needing the socialization. Because your toddler/preschooler really doesn't so much. You could just take your kid to the park/library/mall play place alone and save yourself the trouble if that's what you prefer. You won't socially stunt your kid because of it.

[Curlyfry7]

I think at least some of it may be about finding the RIGHT playgroup.

I've belonged to a few-the 1st where I felt terribly judged for FFing my 1st, not co-sleeping, etc. The 2nd which was OK, had a couple decent casual friends, but I go tired of the constant McDonald's-lunchtime-playdates (I don't mind once in a while, but when it became a regular thing it didn't work for my dairy-and-soy intolerant kids and myself)

I currently belong to a wonderful group most of whom I met through MDC-we all parent smilarly (not EXACTLY the same, but similarly) and most of the other kids are just as high energy and into-everything as mine are. My 19 month old gets excited to see her "friends". We all kind of watch out for each others kids as well. Certainly the moms would miss it more than the kids if we had to miss a week, but I feel like both the kids and I have developed great friends.

So certainly don't feeli like you HAVE to go to playgroups, but don't think they're all bad!

[fruitfulmomma]

Never been to one and don't really see any need to try. My kids play with each other most of the time and we go to the park or library on a pretty regular basis. I would be bored out of my mind taking my kids to someone else's house to watch them play.

[mamadelbosque]

I love playgroup, but we don't meet at each others houses - we meet at neutral locations which are already babyproofed to the hilt (one is at the local mrdd school's gym, the other currently in a YMCA daycare room), so no worries there. Yeah, you still have to keep an eye or two on your kid(s) but theres other helpers there too, and they provide snack and its just a great time.

[ann_of_loxley]

We don't enjoy them. The only time I drag us to them is when I need a bit of socialisation and I know a good friend is going to be at one so I can get it for a few hours. Otherwise, it is too stressful. We all have our different 'needs' in going to them but usually there is no actual need. Playdates are more our thing because DS1 really just likes to be alone or have one-on-one time with a good friend - and in turn I get to socialise (with a like minded mum) without the stress!

When DS was a baby - I hated going because I clearly parented much differently than the other parents who went. I had nothing in common to talk about with them. They all talked about how their 1 week olds were STTN and which bottle was best and how to do CIO, etc. Then when DS becames a toddler the talk was really negative towards children and their natural behaviour and the whole helicopter parent thing and now that DS is nearly 5 he is getting a bit old for playgroups - and whilst he has the whole appropriate socialisation thing down (how to share, take turns, etc) - the younger children around him do not yet and he gets fed up with his play being interrupted by throwing and snatching and biting, etc. So really he doesn't have fun at them. I won't bother with DS2! lol He seems to be a much more social baby than DS1 ever was but we can find other ways to meet his needs.