what makes you "attached?"

[rachieface]

So, I have a beautiful 3.5 month old son and am relatively new to the concept of attachment parenting (I have been quite a frequent lurker here for the last year or so). Anyway, I guess I am just wondering what constitutes "attached parenting?" How many of these principles do you have to observe to consider yourself "attached?"

I cloth diaper, no circ, breastfeed, and try to follow my son's cues and understand his physical and emotional needs. But my son sleeps well in his crib, (only fussing for a few seconds usually with me singing to him before falling asleep), loves his paci, rarely nurses to sleep and gets really upset if I don't immediately take him off the breast when he decides he's full. He doesn't like to sleep around people and sleeps very fitfully on me or in a wrap. We don't cosleep (cuz mommy and daddy enjoy our time together and baby doesn't sleep as soundly!), and will probably choose to vax (very selectively!).

Anyway, is this attachment parenting if a baby doesn't nurse constantly and sleeps better alone than with mommy? In your opinion, are there any non-negotiables essential to being an "attached" parent?

I'm just curious, and a little confused....I feel like I don't really have any kind of set definition for my parenting style, although I do resonate with many of the issues on this forum.

[Starflower]

I consider what you mentioned to be the gist of AP: "try to follow my son's cues and understand his physical and emotional needs."

It sounds to me like you are doing this and your baby sounds happy and healthy. I wouldn't worry too much about labels or checklists.

Edited to add: Welcome to MDC!

[isabchi]

I feel that mostly attachment parenting is follow your baby-child cues and needs. I thing that mostly is follow your insticts as a parent.
Some parents cloth diaper, some not. Same thing about babywearing, cosleeping, vaxes and so..
This is just my feels: One of the thing that I never considerate as AP is sleep training or CIO.

Side note about breastfeeding, one of the reasons to cosleeping or bed sharing is that the more is be more aware of the breastfeeding cues at night. The lack of nursing at night could be decrease your milk supply, then your increase your chances of early weaning. Most babies at early months nurse several times at nights. Many times the cry for hunger is the last sign of the baby that let you know that he need to be feed.

[Drummer's Wife]

Originally Posted by rachieface

Anyway, is this attachment parenting if a baby doesn't nurse constantly and sleeps better alone than with mommy? In your opinion, are there any non-negotiables essential to being an "attached" parent?

sure - if you are following your baby's lead and meeting their individual needs, I'd say that is attachment parenting. CIO or nursing on schedule are not AP, of course, but being attached, to me, means you are in tune with your child's needs and do your best to meet them.

[St. Margaret]

Following your baby's cues and needs and fostering a secure attachment, I agree.

Some things here at MDC are natural family living, and some are attachment parenting. I think they go together and are very research based, hence the overlap.

Even my mom, a LLL leader, let me sleep 7 hours at night when I was tiny, for the short span of time I did that, b/c she knew I nursed all day and I was her second and she wanted to sleep. I nursed past 4yo! But you do want to watch supply and be sure to be responding to baby's feeding cues at that age. Every baby is different, but most need that brain and body nurishment at night as they grow.

Letting baby know you are there when he needs you, building that incredible trust, tuning in... that's what makes it so magical IMO

[sewchris2642]

Here is the original 7 Bs of Dr. Sears. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t130300.asp AP isn't about a must do/don't list. It's about listening to your child. An attached parent will listen to their child. As Dr. Sears says, they are tools to help you in raising your child. What kind (if any) diaper you use has nothing to do with attachment parenting. As for co-sleeping, one of children, Erica, also slept better alone. She was happier and slept better when we moved her from our room into Joy's room where she slept in her own crib. Dylan, on the other hand, shared our bed for over 2 years and our room for another 2. When he went to his own room at age 4, he never came back except for the occasional nightmare. We also spent 4 miserable months trying to calm Erica while she screamed for hours every night. Nothing worked until finally out of shear desperation, I put her upstairs in her crib alone. By the time I got down the stairs, she was sound asleep. That was what she wanted.

[Tway]

I like this quote from Dr. Sears--it shows that AP isn't a list of do's and don'ts, but rather putting your child first:

"AP is an approach, rather than a strict set of rules. It's actually the style that many parents use instinctively. Parenting is too individual and baby too complex for there to be only one way. The important point is to get connected to your baby, and the baby B's of attachment parenting help. Once connected, stick with what is working and modify what is not. You will ultimately develop your own parenting style that helps parent and baby find a way to fit – the little word that so economically describes the relationship between parent and baby."

[rachieface]

Thanks mamas. Great answers. I think I'm just not really about labels and just prefer to parent with love and empathy, which I'm sure is what ya'll do too.

I do watch my milk supply carefully, and might be more worried about his long nights if I didn't have major oversupply.... it seriously feels like I was meant to have twins or something considering that he can never get near to emptying my breasts. When he was younger I would wake him every three hours even at night, but since he's 18 pounds at 3.5 months I figure he's doing alright!

Oh, I also keep the monitor on loud enough to hear him move around and sigh as he's waking up. He very rarely has to cry to let me know he's hungry!

[Storm Bride]

I haven't read any replies yet, but you sound like an attached parent to me.

I'm not sure if this will come out right, but I don't really think that AP has anything to do with babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, etc. I think AP is more about figuring out what works for your baby, as opposed to "babies" (eg. I think most babies feel secure when worn, but there are some who don't - forcing them to be worn, in order to be "more AP" totally defeats the purpose of babywearing...same thing with cosleeping, as some babies just don't like it, and some parents find it too stressful).

I think it's really all based in the understanding that babies grow and thrive into secure little kids/bigger kids/teens/adults through by feeling secure, not by being forced out of the "nest" before they're ready. Letting a baby fall asleep in a crib, if the baby feels safe (eg. with you there singing) is attached...leaving a baby to cry herself to sleep, to "teach them to self soothe" isn't attached - it's meant to force a level of "independence" the child simply isn't ready for.

I was an Attachment Parent with ds1 in 1993, and with dd1 in 2003, but I never heard the term "Attachment Parenting" until I came here in 2005.