can you help me find the words to wean my 5yo?

[mamak05]

Hello,

I'd appreciate any insight/suggestions you can offer. I nursed my older DD through my pregnancy with DD2 and have been tandeming for 1 year. I'm WAY past wanting to stop nursing DD1 but I wanted her to have a nice, peaceful weaning. We night weaned when she was 3.5 and now she nurses once a day - shes about to turn 5. Nursing is still important to her, she plans to never wean. I'm done. Maybe I could do once a week - I don't know.

I could go on about this and my feelings abou it but I don't think I need to.

What I want to know is how have you talked with your older children about weaning? I just don't know how to tell her I don't want to nurse her any more, especially since DD2 will still be nursing for a least another 1-2+ years.

Suggestions?

[claras_mom]

I don't have any good answers for you, because I'm in essentially the same spot (though the last several days, the baby - 16 mo - has been nursing like crazy, to the point that I'd wean her if I thought I wouldn't immediately regret it. Just a little sore...I'm sure it will pass). I'm to the point now where I will refuse dd1, if I'm in a spot where I just can't take it. She accepts that with reasonably good grace. For the most part, she seems to want to nurse when her sister is, so it's a bit of a sibling rivalry thing. More than a bit, possibly, though I also think it's not quite that simple. Occasionally, we talk about just snuggling; once I asked her if she didn't think that 6 was a good point to stop. Just planting the idea, you know? That's 4 months from now.

I've been trying off and on to get her to verbalize what the experience is for her, in hopes that she can give me some clue as how to proceed.

That's all I've got.

[UK Mom]

Hi. With my youngest DS, I was ready to stop nursing, so we agreed that he would stop on his 4th birthday. I told him quite a long time in advance so that he would get used to the idea, and just reminded him now and again. He would not have chosen to stop at that time, but I had had enough, and he was ok. He asked to nurse one last time the day after his 4th birthday, then never asked again.

I would highly recommend the La Leche League's book 'How weaning happens' for lots of good ideas and stories about all kinds of weaning.

Good luck with it!

[Kat_shoshin]

Mine really wants a DS game player (all his friend's have one) I was thinking of inventing a weaning fairy or some such that might bring a DS?

I really have no ideas either, and haven't told him he should wean other than to point out that babies nurse and have to nurse and that when kids are bigger they get hugs and food instead. Also, when his friend's are crying and he tells me that they want to nurse, I truthfully tell him that his friend is a big boy now and doesn't need nursies anymore. I am hoping he will get the hint and tell me he is too big.

[zinemama]

I think a five year old is old enough to hear "I don't want to nurse you anymore. You are too old" from her mother.

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by zinemama

I think a five year old is old enough to hear "I don't want to nurse you anymore. You are too old" from her mother.

Depends on the kid, though, how well that will go.

FWIW, my completely unstudied (other than my own child) take on it is that for the most part, kids who nurse past 3 probably are/have been comfort nursers. Dd is also the kind of kid who despite being very outgoing, needs a lot of preparation for change/transitions. So those things, among others--meaning the personality of the individual--needs to be taken into account, if you want, as the OP stated, a nice, peaceful weaning.

In my opinion.

[foreverinbluejeans]

Having nursed a 5 yo I don't understand how or why anyone would nurse a 4 or 5 yo that they don't want to be nursing. If you don't want to do it then don't do it. You aren't doing the child any favors by breastfeeding when you don't want to be doing it. To me it would be like having sex with your husband even though you were "WAY past" wanting to stop. You may as well go through with the divorce.

It's even worse to be "faking it" with your nursing child than to be faking it with your husband. Hormones pass through your milk to your child. If you are going to be nursing an older child then take the effort to getting yourself so you can enjoy it. Putting limits on the child because you can't stand nursing may not be better than nothing. Children over 3 don't just nurse for comfort. It's normal for them to be nursing and they nurse for health and developmental reasons.

A more honest thing to say to a 5 yo would be, "I don't feel like nursing you any more. It's not you. It's normal for 5 year olds to nurse. I have my own issues."

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans

Children over 3 don't just nurse for comfort. It's normal for them to be nursing and they nurse for health and developmental reasons.

I'd really like to read further on this. Do you have a book title or link?

[tnmom66]

I do think you should be able to reason with a 5 year old to some degree, but I'd make sure she knows that even without the milk, you're available to her for snuggles and one on one time when she needs it, even when she's 20, or 40! Mothers simply aren't made to nurse their children forever. But we love forever.

[sarah04]

My DS said the other day, "Mom, when I am five I won't nurse anymore, but I will always remember the taste that is inside you."

Just talk with your DD about it, and be completely honest. I think we often underestimate our small kids.

[mamak05]

Just wanted to say a belated thank you to all who offered support with this. My DD1 is still nursing occasionally and I am in a MUCH better place with it.