Two part question - Please read

[BeckC]

I'm sold on cosleeping, but I'm having issues with the logistics. I am so not good at figuring things out as they come up. I need plans.

Part 1:
We have a queen bed. DH and I barely fit. We obviously need to figure something out, but we cannot afford a king. We can't sidecar a crib because the SW would have a cow, and I'm not taking down and setting up the stupid thing every time she comes by to do a visit. Having two separate rooms, one for DH and one for me and baby is not an option.

So we can:

-Get a cosleeper that will inevitably end up housing diapers and we'll be right back where we started.
- Sidecar a twin bed for DH to our queen.

We're leaning heavily toward option 2. But like I said, the logistics. How do we do this, how do we make them 1 bed so to speak? We're not putting the beds on the floor, they'll have to stay on the hollywood frames. I envision us falling in the crack every night and waking baby up with our swearing. Our beds don't have handles that we could hook bungee cords onto, and obviously they don't make sheets for a queen+twin bed. What do you guys do if you have a giant family bed setup?


Part 2:
Where does baby nap? Ideally I'd have an easygoing baby who could nap alone in the crib in his room (we have to have one anyway) while I go downstairs and clean/go about my day, but I'm not banking on that. lol I can embrace the whole "sleep when baby sleeps" for a newborn, but I cannot see being tied to a bed for umpteen hours a day with an older baby/toddler while he naps. How do you get cosleeping baby to nap on his own? Is it even possible? Do all you moms really spend like 10-14 hours a day in bed with your babies and toddlers?

Second, assume I can get baby to nap on her own. How do I leave her without her: falling off the bed/hurting herself/quietly destroying everything in sight while I'm downstairs and thinking she's napping? I have like jewelry boxes and lamps and stuff that I'd like to be able to keep out, but I can't see doing that with a mobile curious child. I suppose we could empty the bedroom of everything but bed and put it all in the guestroom, making a bedroom and a sleep room. But that would suck, no? Maybe not?

If you made it through all this, thank you. I need BTDT advice.

[sunnygir1]

We used a co-sleeper with dd (we have a queen bed too) and it actually worked pretty well. When I brought her into bed to nurse, the fact that the co-sleeper was right next to me allowed me to move right to the edge of the bed, allowing a little extra room for the baby.

We have a side-carred crib right now, but I think you could do a similar thing with a twin bed. I lashed the crib legs to the bed frame. You would have to make them the same height one way or another. You could also lash the box springs together fairly easily. You might even be able to put a king or CA king fitted sheet over the whole works.

Napping: You wouldn't necessarily have to put the baby upstairs (away from you) for naps/early bedtime. You could set something up in a more appropriate/convenient location.

You could use a play pen, or I've seen some other neat things on here recently, like the pea pod portable baby bed. Anything that contains the baby for sleeping.

Or, if you have a room that is baby-proofed, you could make some kind of bed on the floor; I've used blankets, the cushion from a papasan chair, a mattress on the floor, etc.

Of course you might not have a good napper, or at least not the whole babyhood, so you might do some baby-wearing during nap time. That's not quite as convenient for getting things done, but you know that the baby is sleeping safely.

[sosurreal09]

OK this may be rude or mean but how do you have no room in a queen size bed? if either of you are obese i would advise you not to co-sleep with an infant. suffocation is a real possibility even if you think it won't happen to you it really does happen.

as for the questions. we dont have an upstairs so idk how i would feel about thatbut we just have the mattress on the floor with no "bed" or boxspring so DD wont get hurt. i nurse her to sleep and leave her in our family bed. same at night until i go to bed.

dont count on the ideal picture of a baby hahah my DD was a horrific napper/sleeper until recently and shes 10 m/o lol when they are real little they just nap in the wrap or sling anyways and you will need to sleep when you can the first few months!!

good luck hun (((hugs))) and congrats!

[nd01]

I got a used Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper off of Craigslist and really liked it way more than I thought I would. You might like it more than you think you would (I don't know how old your LO is but I liked it when my son was young because I was worried about rolling over on him until he got bigger)

[sillysmile]

We have a CA king mattress on the floor, and a twin (for 19m DD) wedged between our king and the wall. They are not tied together in any way, but more or less stay together. We make the beds up separately. She occasionally sticks an arm between the two, but there definitely isn't a gap that I'm worried about her falling in to. The king is a few inches taller, which actually helps to provide some separation so she isn't constantly sqirming over to us. The setup works pretty well for us. DD is a very light sleeper, and even in the king we felt that there wasn't enough room because we were constantly waking her up when we shifted positions etc..

For naps, we just pay close attention to the monitor and go in whenever she wakes. (Sometimes I nap too, but don't have to.) We've never gone in to find her off the bed (via falling or just deciding to get out.) We used to have a video monitor, but it broke and we haven't really missed it. If she does fall it's not far to the ground. Our sound monitor is very sensitive, so she definitely wouldn't be able to sneak off of the bed and start getting into stuff without our knowledge.

Hope that helps. Good luck with your setup!

[sosurreal09]

that gap could be dangerous for an infant though if you put two beds together

[broodymama]

i would get a cosleeper before i put two beds together, i would worry about the crack. unless you were going to have your dh sleep on the twin with you and the little one on the queen.

naps. gah. my first 3 refused to nap in a crib or pack-n-play. with brandon that was ok, he could nap in the sling or on my lap, but it was a huge pain with the girls. dd2 would nap in the swing and start off the night sleeping in the swing but refused to sleep anywhere else, so i'm kind of shy of the swing this time around. it's been important for me to try to get ian to nap in "his" bed (the pack-n-play in our room) and start off the night there. wearing him for all naps just does not work with me, though i know it works well for some people. as long as i put him down on his tummy then he will sleep in the p-n-p, i wish i had tried that with my others. (i know not everyone is comfortable with that.)

[ACsMom]

We sidecar a double bed next to our king (course we have 2 kids co-sleeping...). If you need to keep them on the bed frames, use one of those foam things that you use to convert 2 twin beds into a king - know what I mean? They sell them at Bed Bath & Beyond, probably about 15 or 20 bucks. That'll eliminate the gap. Use bed rails for the open sides and stick pillows up against the bed rail, to eliminate that gap too. Or stick the beds against the wall on the side baby will be sleeping on, and put the pillows against it. If the SW raises an eyebrow you could tell her this is a creative solution you and your dh came up with to get more distance from each other while sleeping - say he snores or something. Or educate her about the safety of co-sleeping and the benefits for babies.

Make sure baby sleeps next to YOU only, for the first couple of months, not between you and dh. Unfortunately fathers are not quite as attuned to baby during the night.

Naps will work out fine, I bet. I've always nursed my co-sleeping babies to sleep for naps, and never had much problem slipping away after they're asleep. In fact for naps my 6-month-old sleeps longer when I'm not there. Someone may have already said this, but learning to nurse lying down is one of the most useful skills you could possibly develop - I would start trying it as soon as possible after the baby's born and you've established a good latch, etc.

You'll get the feel for this after the baby's born - the co-sleeping thing. Have you read Sears? Lots of good tips and stuff.

Congratulations!! HTH.

[BeckC]

Originally Posted by Red Sonja

i would get a cosleeper before i put two beds together, i would worry about the crack. unless you were going to have your dh sleep on the twin with you and the little one on the queen.

That was the plan. It would go: DH on the twin/Me on the queen/Baby on the queen/Bed rail

[akind1]

We used the arm's reach co sleeper for about the first 6 months. by then baby was bigger and was just starting to seem uncomfortable in it (I had moved it from the co-sleeper "high" position to the pack-n-play "low" position around 4 months) We have been doing the family bed since, and DS is 9 months old.

You didn't mention this as an option, but is there room in your room for a crib? not to be sidecarred, but just in the same room? Now that DS is bigger we have him start the night in his crib, and bring him to bed when we are all ready to sleep, thus allowing us some time to have the bed to ourselves.

As for naps - find a safe place on the same floor as you will be for naps. I would be uncomfortable a floor away from the baby myself. a pack-n-play, a palate on the floor, something. I think for our next baby I am going to invest in a video monitor. If the crib is on the lower floor, you should be fine to do naps in there. Assuming your baby will nap in the crib, that is. I only have 1, and he is fairly easy going, but my advice is to start crib napping early. It helped that DS has a lovey and did, at one time, take a paci. He gave it up several months ago.

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by sosurreal09

OK this may be rude or mean but how do you have no room in a queen size bed?

IDK about the OP, but we didn't have room. My husband and I are quite thin, and we did sleep with the baby between us on our queen, but it wasn't comfortable. I have trouble with my shoulders, and so it is painful for me to sleep for long periods of time on my side. There was not room for dh to lie on his stomach, and me on my back, and the babe between us without one of us often hanging off the edge of the bed trying not to fall and unwilling to nudge the baby over for fear of waking her/him. When we side-carred the crib, that changed everything because now I can have one shoulder on the crib mattress and plenty of room for ds between us.

[texasfarmom]

Originally Posted by ACsMom

Make sure baby sleeps next to YOU only, for the first couple of months, not between you and dh. Unfortunately fathers are not quite as attuned to baby during the night.

I heard this advice several times. I totally agreed with it before we started cosleeping. In our house, my DH sleeps much lighter than I do. He wakes often all night long in response to the baby while I only wake up when I know she needs to eat. So, we usually sleep with her between us.

Originally Posted by ACsMom

Someone may have already said this, but learning to nurse lying down is one of the most useful skills you could possibly develop - I would start trying it as soon as possible after the baby's born and you've established a good latch, etc.

Once I mastered nursing laying down night life was sooo much better. Every time I nursed her sitting up and tried to put her down she woke up. Now meal time and sleep time are seemless!

Good luck!

[Sharlla]

i would get a king off craigslist for$50 and just put it on the floor. baby use to nap in swing but now i just lay her in our bed with pillows around her
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[sillysmile]

Just to clarify my previous post.. I WOULD be concerned about the gap between untethered mattresses with a newborn. We're not concerned with our 19mo, but she was in our bed until fairly recently, and strapped into a sidecarred sleeping wedge (for reflux) for most of the first 8 months.

[munchymum]

On the napping part of the question, I've always found that much easier to deal with than bedtime. It's helpful to get the baby used to a few different ways of going to sleep: in a sling, in a pram/buggie (if you use one), and in bed with you nursing lying down. That way you can get her to sleep whether you're at home or out.

One thing I found incredibly helpful with my light sleeper was to put her in the ring sling and nurse her to sleep (you can sit down and read a book while she's drifting off). When she's asleep you just get up and lay her down in her crib/on the floor/wherever you want her to sleep, and remove yourself from the sling. If she wakes up you just slip the sling back over your shoulder and lift her up, since she should still be lying in it. This was the only way I could get my DD down for months - nursing her to sleep in bed didn't work until she was over 1 yo.

This is just a thought. You'll figure out what works for you.

[sosurreal09]

i would practice nursing in bed for naps to make it work lol DD used to sleep in the wrap for naps from birth till 4-5 months but not always. i wouldnt want her to always sleep in the wrap then you never get a break. once she was in the sling or wrap i could not lay her down.
i really hated the ring sling it killed my shoulder and it never stayed put i had to keep adjusting the length i gave up on that real fast. i prefer the simple slings that are just like a big piece of material you fold in half. i make my own all the time they are great now DD is older she likes the sling alot more.

[voca]

Our little girl (now 13 months) mainly napped in whatever room we were in for the first 9 months of her life -- either in a sling with her father (I could never get the baby wearing thing to work but he had it down) or on a small foam pad on the floor or just on a parents lap. We did have a crib for her on the main floor which she used when we absolutely needed her to be sleeping contained and away from us, but both of us preferred to have her with us. It was only around 4 months ago that she started to nap better upstairs in our room. (It made my husband quite sad actually, he says he misses her when she goes to sleep away from us.)