having trouble making smart choices - am i ruining my chances?

[c'est moi]

post title says it all in a way.

i know this sounds ridiculous, but i really truly do want a vbac. no ambivalence here.

why then am i having so much trouble making choices that will improve my chances ?

i will say that i "did everything right" (if there is such a thing) with my first birth. i absolutely was not an uninformed consumer. i chose my providers carefully. i am in a very birth friendly state and am part of a very bir th friendly community. sure, i have a couple of "what ifs" that i run through my head, but overall i had a healthy approach.

fast forward to now and i feel like i'm just not helping myself out at all.

• i don't eat a balanced diet.
• I have no interest in a brewer's diet.
• I had a sunnyside up babe, yet i still lounge on the couch all the time.
• i am unfit. I don't exercise a fraction as much as I did with my first.
• I haven't obsessively researched the various things I need to differently this time around.

I want to do better, but I don't want to put in the effort. I don't want to have to spend my whole pregnancy researching everything. I don't want to fixate on food. I'm tired and I want to lay on the couch. I want to exercise, but I don't want to make the changes need to get it in with my daughter in the picture. I'm so LAZY .

I feel like everyday that goes by is one more black mark against my chances and I am the only one to blame.

Any insights into what's really going on here? Any wakeup calls that might help me out?

Thanks ladies!

[mamalade]

Did you work through your feeling about your first birth? I have struggled with depression for a lot of my life, and I know exactly how you feel. Perhaps you feel like there's no point, you did everything right last time and it still went wrong? I would try to get in to a good counselor or just bend the ear of a good friend. Is there an ICAN chapter in your area? Maybe telling your story a few times to people sympathetic would be helpful. Don't overwhelm yourself with the "shoulds", maybe just do one thing good for yourself every day. Eat leafy greens, take a walk. Don't say that you have to them do it every day, but today you did x. y, and z. Be gentle on yourself. You are growing a human. That in itself is a big job. Good luck, big hugs your way!

[cairomama]

For some people it is easier to fail if you didn't really TRY to succeed. If you try to succeed and fail, then you think you REALLY failed.

However, I looked at this way, if I did everything I could to have a VBAC and ended up with another c-section, I could still feel good about it because I would feel I did everything I could. Also, the things you do to improve your chances of having a VBAC will make your baby healthier and a c-section easier.

I think you may be feeling like you can't do enough so you aren't doing anything. You can only do your best with the resources you have. You don't have to research VBAC so you can quote all the studies, just make a commitment to do a few things:

1. Pick a VBAC supportive provider.
2. Start healthy eating and exercise. It is good for you and your baby even if you were planning a repeat c-section.
3. Choose a breathing and relaxation method and practice. My favorites are Hypnobabies and The Pink Kit. It doesn't matter what you chose, just practice. Your body needs to learn, so practice is important.
4. Hire a doula.

Or, you can do what you are doing and leave it up to luck. That is o.k. as well if you think you will be o.k. with whatever happens.

[AustinMom]

I agree with being gentle on yourself and not trying to analyze everything, like most of us VBAC moms do. Start small. I would start with changing your diet, as I know from experience when I eat unhealthy (too much sugar, flour, etc not enough produce, protein, etc) I feel like crap and don't want to do anything, and have little to no energy to exercise. That's kinda the state I'm in now. I glad you posted this cause I feel like I'm kinda in the same boat at times.

Try maybe cutting down on the sugar. Like if you normally eat ice cream every night, switch to every other, or half the portion. Instead of sugar switch to agave nectar, I feel SO much better when I use that as opposed to sugar. Or whatever your guilty pleasure is . Instead of sitting on the couch, sit on a birth ball and have hubby rub shoulders (if you can get him to that is). Do some stretching first thing in the morning and before bed. Pick one thing and do that for a few days and then gradually add more.

But do be gentle, both physically and emotionally, you are growing a baby, and that is both physically and emotionally exhausting.

I totally second the ICAN thing, you will find a lot of support there.

[c'est moi]

thanks for your responses. they actually make me feel a lot better because i am doing a lot of things right.

- i'm driving out of state to get care from a provider that i 100% supports birth, VBACs, and my family. i worked hard on this part and am really reassured by him.
- i interviewed a number of doulas and really feel that the doula i have in mind is the best fit for our needs.
- i hang out on ICAN online and am a part of the yahoo group. wouldn't be a bad idea to meet people in person though!
- i haven't obsessively researched, but i have done my homework. i'm type A, so i guess my non-obsessive version of being informed is still pretty well-informed.

so yeah, it's the eating and exercise that need a revamp the most. i went for a long walk this morning. now if i can just keep that up a few more times a week, i wouldn't feel so bad. i'll recruit my husband for help.

thanks ladies!

[c'est moi]

Originally Posted by mamalade

Did you work through your feeling about your first birth?

Yes, quite well. I had a lot of support and there weren't a lot of things to regret the first time around. I attended a birth trauma workshop this spring where I realized my emotions are no longer raw about what happened. It's just something from my past that I wish were different, but I'm okay with it.

It doesn't mean that I don't have lingering fears/concerns that present themselves in this pregnancy because of my daughter's birth, but overall I think I'm doing well.

Thanks for asking.

[phathui5]

When are you due? Do you need to work on positioning yet?

[c'est moi]

Originally Posted by phathui5

When are you due? Do you need to work on positioning yet?

late jan/early feb. not sure when positioning starts to matter as much. spinning babies seems to advocate a "from day one" position.

[sattygirl99]

I gotta be honest... I did everything 'right' when I was pregnant with DD and still ended up with a RCS (not by my own fault, fault of my MW who didn't trust my body and still chose to section at 9cm +1 and transition)... So this time, I started off trying to do everything 'right' and then remembered that I can't control anything.

Make smart chocies with food, do whatever exercise you can and just let it fall where it does. By attempting to control everything during pregnancy by doing it all "right" (and who decides what's right??) can really wear you down emotionally and physically. By this point in my pregnancy with my daughter, I was obsessed with everything being perfect... Position, dilation, etc. I was so emotionally drained from it all that when it came time to birth, I didn't have as much faith in my body as I should have.

I've found myself slipping into control with my pregnancy now and then remembering that whatever the outcome will be, it will be regardless of what I do. There are plenty of women who do NOTHING to prepare for their VBAC and have an amazing vaginal birth. I was so focused on perfection, I forgot to just be pregnant and embrace everything that came. I was so focused on dates that the the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy were all about natural induction methods and fearing going post dates and having a RCS... Which I did and believe I feared myself right into it.

In other words... Do what you need to be healthy... Eat healthy, eat smart... Keep moving, keep your heart pumping but IMO, it's healthier to let all the other stuff go and just let your baby and body do their job.

In regards to position... Be aware of how you sit but don't kill yourself over it. I did that with my DD and she ended up posterior. This time not so much focus and baby was head down and anterior early at 28 weeks. Your body aand baby know exactly what to do and sometimes we have to step back and let nature take it's course...

Coming from a BTDT, almost had my VBAC and WILL have my HBA2C this time. You will do amazing when it comes and the more you trust your body to do it's job during pregnancy, the more you will trust when your birthing time comes.

Just my 2 cents...

[keeptryst]

Originally Posted by sattygirl99

I gotta be honest... I did everything 'right' when I was pregnant with DD and still ended up with a RCS (not by my own fault, fault of my MW who didn't trust my body and still chose to section at 9cm +1 and transition)... So this time, I started off trying to do everything 'right' and then remembered that I can't control anything.

Make smart chocies with food, do whatever exercise you can and just let it fall where it does. By attempting to control everything during pregnancy by doing it all "right" (and who decides what's right??) can really wear you down emotionally and physically. By this point in my pregnancy with my daughter, I was obsessed with everything being perfect... Position, dilation, etc. I was so emotionally drained from it all that when it came time to birth, I didn't have as much faith in my body as I should have.

I've found myself slipping into control with my pregnancy now and then remembering that whatever the outcome will be, it will be regardless of what I do. There are plenty of women who do NOTHING to prepare for their VBAC and have an amazing vaginal birth. I was so focused on perfection, I forgot to just be pregnant and embrace everything that came. I was so focused on dates that the the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy were all about natural induction methods and fearing going post dates and having a RCS... Which I did and believe I feared myself right into it.

In other words... Do what you need to be healthy... Eat healthy, eat smart... Keep moving, keep your heart pumping but IMO, it's healthier to let all the other stuff go and just let your baby and body do their job.

In regards to position... Be aware of how you sit but don't kill yourself over it. I did that with my DD and she ended up posterior. This time not so much focus and baby was head down and anterior early at 28 weeks. Your body aand baby know exactly what to do and sometimes we have to step back and let nature take it's course...

Coming from a BTDT, almost had my VBAC and WILL have my HBA2C this time. You will do amazing when it comes and the more you trust your body to do it's job during pregnancy, the more you will trust when your birthing time comes.

Just my 2 cents...

Bravo, sattygirl99! Wise, wise words. This post should be a sticky on top of the vbac forum

[CherryBomb]

I think the things you are doing are more important than the things you aren't, honestly. I'd try not to stress too much about being "perfect"