Not getting anywhere

[Devaskyla]

Whenever I get motivated to majorly clean/declutter, I always end up depressed and giving up bothering for weeks or even months after. It never seems to make a difference. Either the kids immediately destroy all my hard work (even just little things like mopping the floor...five minutes after they get in there, it looks like I haven't done it for a week again) or I get rid of bags of stuff and it doesn't look anything is gone.

Before we moved last year, I got rid of over 20 big bags of both garbage & donations and it looked like nothing was gone. A few months ago I gave 6 bags or so to the Salvation Army and I have another 8 bags to be picked up tomorrow. And again, it doesn't seem to have made any difference. It's just so soul destroying to do so much work and see no difference.

And my mom's coming in tomorrow & undoubtedly bringing in a bunch of stuff again. I know she's bringing in a couple boxes of clothes for ds3 that I had stored at her place after ds2 outgrew them.

How do you keep going when it seems never ending or completely pointless?

[luvmybaby333]

OMGoodness... I have no idea how to help you, but I feel the exact. same. way. I get so overwhelmed. Whenever I do drum up the motivation to do some serious de-cluttering/ cleaning/ organizing, then something always happens to destroy it. (That something usually being my children.) It's like there are some many things, but not enough space to sort through them all. I end up shifting things from one bad spot to another, and nothing ever gets accomplished. It feels so pointless and thinking about it just makes me want to cry.

[clutterwarrior]

I have felt like that too many times, although my husband assures me that he is starting to see a difference in the house, so that has lifted my spirits. Maybe you need your DH to give you a bit more support so you can feel you are getting somewhere? Must admit you haven't mentioned your DH so just ignore if that is not relevant.

I know what you mean re the floors...my kids stomp on the floors just after I have mopped, but seriously I have to laugh sometimes, otherwise I would just cry!

Doing Motivated Moms has really helped, mainly because I am now realising (quite late in life I have to admit) how often these cleaning jobs really need to be done....I used to feel defeated because I didn't do any of them often enough, so I always allowed things to get a bit too dirty, but now that I am doing things weekly, it seems so quick to get most jobs done.

In regards to the stuff your mother is bringing, do you want her to bring them? It sounds as though you are ambivalent...

Also are you buying too much by any chance? I am wondering what the main reasons are for you feeling your decluttering is not making a dent on things.

[Crayfish]

Unfortunately, I think that long, steady whittling at the stuff, without long pauses, is what will make the difference in the long term. It may be that what will start to turn the tide is 40 bags, or 60, or 100. If you keep at it, someday it will be enough.

One thing I'd say is that even when you take a break in pushing outflow, _never_ take a break in controlling inflow. If you can't bear to clean out one more closet right now, but you stick to a "one in, one out" philosophy, then when you get back to cleaning out you'll be no worse than you were when you took that break. Or, to make slow steady progress even between cleanouts, you could go to "one in, two out".

And the "out" doesn't have to be identical to the "in". If you bought a new saucepain because you truly don't have enough saucepans, then you obviously won't be giving away a saucepan. But you could give away that baking dish or blender or pasta maker that you don't use. Or if your kitchen is really sparse and you use it all, give away those hiking boots that you haven't hiked in in five years, or that excess bed pillow. The idea is that every time you bring something into the house, something of similar volume goes out.

Crayfish

[goddessjulia]

another momma here who knows exactly what you mean. sometimes I want to go to living outside under canopies and in tents-- that would eliminate the dirty floor problem!! I shop-vac'ed our BR yesterday, under all the furniture, the kids' futon mattress that we use like a trundle under the "grownup + baby" bed, etc, and the next time I looked somehow the futon was covered-- COVERED!!-- in grass clippings from someone's dirty feet

and, re: clutter, I've been on a tear with that lately which I've posted about elsewhere in this subforum (extra motivated by brown recluse spiders overrunning my upstairs). I hauled out 5 station wagon loads plus a pickup truck load to yard sale/donation/recycle/trash. I enlisted one of my local friends to watch the kids one afternoon while I emptied out a storage closet that I knew had these spiders in it. she looked at my living room-- which was strewn with toys that the kids were obviously using right then-- and said, "this is purged?" with one eyebrow up. I was slightly offended to say the least here I've been busting my behind like a madwoman and that's what she has to say?! then she had the nerve to suggest I should throw out my belly casts

point being, I'm living proof that it can take a lot-lot-lot of time and effort, and a lot-lot-lot of stuff going OUT before you can really feel the difference inside. one thing I would add is to examine your psychology of stuff (I'm really good at this, and enjoy helping others with life coaching, if you want to pm me I'll be happy to offer whatever I can). I have been learning all *kinds* of things about myself through all this purging, really good stuff! whatever the root is (and it isn't the mess itself, almost always), if that isn't addressed then the mess will keep coming back and you really won't ever make progress you can see and enjoy. dtmas?

oops, got a little long-winded it's a topic constantly on my mind these days! hth!

[Sol_y_Paz]

Originally Posted by Crayfish

Unfortunately, I think that long, steady whittling at the stuff, without long pauses, is what will make the difference in the long term. It may be that what will start to turn the tide is 40 bags, or 60, or 100. If you keep at it, someday it will be enough.

This! Keep at it

[Ruthla]

You've got 3 little kids, one of them still a baby. It's OK to feel overwhelmed at times, and it's OK for things to feel like "it never stays clean."

But you ARE making progress. You need the clothes for DS3, so you'll find a place to store them. That's not "clutter" because it's useful. If you have the time and inclination, go through the boxes of clothes and give away the ones that you don't think you need. But if you don't have the time, then don't sweat it. Be more careful with the stuff you pack away the next time a child outgrows clothing.

Things WILL get easier. Bigger kids don't outgrow clothing so quickly. They stop playing with so many bulky toys.

[swd12422]

I agree with PP about controlling the inflow being as much a problem as actually working on the outflow. The inflow is the whole reason I have a problem now!

Just keep plugging away at the outflow, and have a chat with your family (the ever-spending grandparents, etc) about how much you appreciate their gifts, but ask them to limit the quantity/frequency. My mom called me today from her cell phone (never uses it). I answered, thinking she wanted to drop by for a visit, and she said, "I have a question - I'm at Wal-Mart..." I interrupted her and said, "No. But thanks!" She said, "But there's a SpongeBob quilt... It has Mickey Mouse too..." I said,"Thanks, but no!!" This is how it goes every time she calls from Wal-Mart. (Thankfully, she doesn't go often.) I have enough struggles with clutter without her help. She doesn't get it. You should see HER closet!

[lucky_mia]

One of the best pieces of advice I got on this board was that it takes a long time to declutter. I have been at it hard core for 2 years and I feel like I have finally turned a corner. I did 2009 items in 2009 and now 2010 plus another 500 in 2010.

I realized that decluttering was more important than cleaning because my house never looked cleaned anyway because of the clutter. I also stopped buying items to contain the clutter. I figured my real issue was the amount of stuff, not finding ways to organize it but to simply get rid of it. Now that I have gotten rid of enough stuff, I am allowing myself a few items to help make things look more organized.

I also throw away all those kids items that come in seemingly daily - the free items from town day, the junk from birthday party goodie bags, fast food toys etc. I get them out quickly before they get attached to them.

[bluebunny]

I feel the same way as you, so you are not alone.

Decluttering is hard. And depressing.

For the past two years, I have tried to get better about throwing stuff out, donating, and not buying unless needed. I am finally seeing a difference, not a lot, but a little. I think if I keep at it, I will eventually have a clutter-free house, if only for a moment.

As far as cleaning goes, have you ever heard the quote, "cleaning with children is like shoveling when snow is still falling" or something like that? I know that mopping or vacuuming in my house seems to last one minute before a spill or crumb or whatever falls. Don't get discouraged!!

[clutterwarrior]

Originally Posted by lucky_mia

One of the best pieces of advice I got on this board was that it takes a long time to declutter. I have been at it hard core for 2 years and I feel like I have finally turned a corner. I did 2009 items in 2009 and now 2010 plus another 500 in 2010.

I realized that decluttering was more important than cleaning because my house never looked cleaned anyway because of the clutter. I also stopped buying items to contain the clutter. I figured my real issue was the amount of stuff, not finding ways to organize it but to simply get rid of it.

This gives me hope. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I have already reached the 2010 things and yet my place is so full....yet I have to realise it will take a long time to undo all the cluttering up that I have done!

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by swd12422

My mom called me today from her cell phone (never uses it). I answered, thinking she wanted to drop by for a visit, and she said, "I have a question - I'm at Wal-Mart..." I interrupted her and said, "No. But thanks!" She said, "But there's a SpongeBob quilt... It has Mickey Mouse too..." I said,"Thanks, but no!!" This is how it goes every time she calls from Wal-Mart. (Thankfully, she doesn't go often.) I have enough struggles with clutter without her help. She doesn't get it. You should see HER closet!

Hi, sis! I didn't realize my sister was on mdc. My mom called me from Target the day after I gave birth to try and convince me that I needed some kind of comforters. What is it about bedding?

eta this isn't actually my sister.... I don't think.

[swd12422]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Hi, sis! I didn't realize my sister was on mdc. My mom called me from Target the day after I gave birth to try and convince me that I needed some kind of comforters. What is it about bedding?

eta this isn't actually my sister.... I don't think.

Soul sister, maybe...
I was in the market for a quilt for DS's new bed, but she skipped right over the three conversations where I told her I had found one, ordered it, and received it in the mail. (She was just here on Friday and saw the huge box sitting on the table, and pointed it out TWICE!) I guess the evil marketing prowess Wal-Mart and the kids' TV characters works great on grandmas too....

[mattemma04]

straight out donate what mom brings.Don't bring it in.

My computer room is the offical hoarders room where I put everything to be sorted. I recently emptied it and donated everything to a local cat shelter to sell. Now I have filled it right back up again from cleaning rooms,so I know how you feel. I have 2 weeks before my dh is back home,and I promised I would have everything cleaned out.

I was just sorting through a box with craft supplies and school stuff.Good stuff,but I NEVER used it.Always keeping for a *what if* day. I need to just bag it and haul off or have someone come get it like AM VET does.
I have broken things I wanted to fix or sew for years.If I don't do it now I will get rid of it.

Just keep at it and don't let new things pass through the door!

Lol when my mom or I say we are cleaning we always found ourselves saying," Let me look through it before you donate it." Now we just donate otherwise we just trade and keep a high level of *stuff* in each house.

When the kids are sleeping or at school is the best time to get at their things.They lay claim to everything even if it has not been used/worn in years.I do allow one big tote for special stuff to save.I know my ds always wants every dino or lego toy.Dd likes her stuff animals since each represents a trip or person who gave it.

[treeoflife3]

what if you did it somewhat backwards?

Do just ONE room.. or one CLOSET at a time. a weekly or monthly goal. Instead of going through and decided what you DON'T need... go through and decide what you DO need... once you realize what you NEED, maybe the extra things will be much easier to see and knock out.

Looking around the room I am sitting in, I can see what needs to stay in here and it is definitely making what doesn't need to be in here all the more obvious. Painfully obvious in fact. One thing that is obvious is the stack of cds. They definitely don't need to be in here. they are my husband's and all the music is on his computer. I wouldn't have really thought about it til I considered what NEEDS to be on the table there.

It might take longer, especially as you go through each room listing what HAS to stay... but maybe you'll feel like you are making more of a dent becuse whole tables or closets or rooms will have been completed.

My favorite place by the way to get some good decluttering done is the bathroom and bathroom closet. Its pretty easy to get rid of old body products and OTC's. All I need are a few towels and rags. Bathroom is easy because if it isn't something I don't use daily or weekly, it definitely doesn't need to be there... I use the bathroom every day and it has a very specific function (unlike some rooms) so if the items don't fit the function, I can get rid of them easily. It's usually quick and I have the satisfaction of knowing at least one room is totally done in my house.

[Ygle]

I experienced this for a long time, can't even remember how long, years, until one point I somehow ended up standing in a section at the library that held a bunch of decluttering books, I thought, how interesting and snagged a bunch, just for the heck of it... I can't remember every one I got (one was something like the messies?) but three really stood out and from those three within a couple weeks I had made a dramatic difference that I wasn't able to accomplish all those years of what seemed like constant decluttering. treeoflife3 mentioned some of the key elements for me, actually.

From "It's All Too Much" the main message I got was DEFINE YOUR SPACE Figure out what you do in that room or area, what you want to do, how that room will serve you and make sure everything fits that purpose and there isn't stuff that doesn't fit crowding up the area.

From "Organizing From the Inside Out" the main message I got was FIT YOUR SYSTEMS TO YOU Rather than constantly organizing things and then trying to change your habits around those organizational systems you've established spend some time figuring out what you do and how you do it and find systems that will work with you and your lifestyle.

From "Apartment Therapy" the main message I got was DECIDE WHAT TO ADD IN Imagine starting off from a blank slate and instead of agonizing over every single item you are trying to get rid of choose the things you really really want to bring in.

So, for me, I ended up after reading those books pulling everything out of every room (which wasn't all that overwhelming considering I had already decluttered so much, so we really didn't have that much stuff but everything still felt cluttery, I did leave the beds though), creating a staging area in our living room, and then we went into each room, defined it's purpose, shopped from the living room for things we wanted that would fit that purpose and wrote down some ideas for things that now that the space was so clear we realized would come in handy to better organize something and then called that room done and moved on to the next room.

Eventually we reached the living room and still had a bunch of stuff that came from various rooms that we didn't know what to do with and most of that was much much easier to let go of at this point. This was something that really stood out for me with Apartment Therapy, the author talked about how when you have the perfect space that makes you happy your desire to keep it that way becomes stronger than your desire to have all these other items, it's so so true. There were definitely things we could never have imagined getting rid of while they were already in the room taking up space, but once we had this wonderful, clean, clear, happy room there was just no way we were going to drag things back in and clutter it up again!

Because we defined our spaces, now when chaos happens it doesn't end up scattering everywhere all over the house... it's mostly contained to that area because everything involved with that activity is there. Also, it's so much easier to resolve because we've made our systems so easy for us so that most things are almost easier to put where they belong than anywhere else. And we are so happy with our spaces we are motivated to keep them tidy (which is the hard part about all this if you are just constantly chipping away it at it's hard to keep at it when you never feel like it's getting you anywhere).

[treeoflife3]

What ygle posted was basically what I was getting at but makes much much more sense haha

It definitely could help to decide what to KEEP instead of what to GET RID OF. its easy to be left with extra things you thought you wanted but realize don't really mean that much to you

[llwr]

I'm also overwhelmed. I can't wait to read the responses.

[ChristyMarie]

Originally Posted by bluebunny

As far as cleaning goes, have you ever heard the quote, "cleaning with children is like shoveling when snow is still falling" or something like that? I know that mopping or vacuuming in my house seems to last one minute before a spill or crumb or whatever falls. Don't get discouraged!!

SO TRUE!!!

Or sweeping with the dog in the room? Why do they insist on sitting right in the middle of the pile of dust you are sweeping up? Then you turn around and there's more fur floating along the floor. Makes you wonder why you bother.


~~~


I agree with the one room at a time. Pick a room, go through it and only allow things which belong in that room to remain. I think you'll see more of an instant change and use that as motivation to keep going.

[proudmomof4]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

You've got 3 little kids, one of them still a baby. It's OK to feel overwhelmed at times, and it's OK for things to feel like "it never stays clean."

But you ARE making progress. You need the clothes for DS3, so you'll find a place to store them. That's not "clutter" because it's useful. If you have the time and inclination, go through the boxes of clothes and give away the ones that you don't think you need. But if you don't have the time, then don't sweat it. Be more careful with the stuff you pack away the next time a child outgrows clothing.

Things WILL get easier. Bigger kids don't outgrow clothing so quickly. They stop playing with so many bulky toys.

I so agree with this post!
OP, imagine what things would look like if you hadn't cleaned out all this stuff. Oh, so there's the difference you're making!
I had an aha-moment when I was looking at some baby pictures the other day and saw all sorts of things that aren't in the house anymore. I nearly got teary-eyed when I saw those cute baby and toddler outfits - but I'm sure glad they're not hidden somewhere in this house!