need suggestions for teen

[faithsstuff]

I don't know where to post this, but thought here was a good shot. My family is hosting a 16 y.o. Brazilian exchange student. She is great. She's living in the inner city for the first time, eating new foods, speaking English full time and going to a school where for the first time she is the minority. I am so proud of how she's handling herself! Her mom contacted me this morning that she is having horrible nightmares about her father dying I guess she was on the phone with her mom until 4 in the morning. Her mom asked her to wake us but she refused. She didn't mention anything about ut this morning. She is also not eating much at all. I've suggested we got to the Brazilian grocery store to pick some things out and we can make her fav dishes but she didn't show much interest. Fri she asked me to enter her room. She misses her mom and was crying, all I could do was hug her. I'm not her mom, you know? Any tips, suggestions, anything?

[Polliwog]

I used to be a really homesick kid/teen so I feel for her. Is there a Brazilan community that you can tap into? Talking with people from home might really help. I'm assuming that since there's a Brazilian grocery store there must be at least a small group of Brazilians in your area.

[RedOakMomma]

Does her mom have any suggestions on how to help her? Things that would be comforting?

Does she have any same-age friends? Perhaps they could sleep over, or she could spend more time with them? Once you start making attachments in a new place, a lot of the homesickness seems to fade...

[Boot]

We also had a 16 year old Brazilian girl for 6 months. She was pretty homesick the whole time, didn't make friends, didn't like the school, etc. The thing that made it bearable for her was that we included her in everything, took her camping, treated her like one of the family. I tried really hard to help her find friends, try new things, etc but there was a limit to what she was able to manage. She was on skype with her mum for hours at a time. She was really proud of herself for sticking with it however and she did manage to do some small things that were huge for her (like taking a bus instead of a taxi). I have to say that much as we loved her, it was exhausting pouring that amount of emotional energy into a teen and we decided not to do it again.

She was a bit of a comfort eater and used to treat herself to something after school every day. She had a really sweet tooth and was trying to work her way though all the bubble tea flavours! I don't advocate that of course, but I know for her, part of the 'experience' was trying out all the North American fast foods. She came from a tiny town with nothing like that. We had another brazilian girl for a few weeks who was crazy about nutella.

If she's only just arrived, I would help her to find some independence. Show her how to take buses, places she can go on her own, even take her to starbucks and explain about all the choices. She might like to go to the local mall.

Do you have an agency that you are working with? i would also speak to them. They will be used to this.

[Sierra]

Where are you located? I have a connection with the Brazilian community where I am ;-). In any case, I have a very good friend who is now an American citizen but who came here as an exchange student. She might be willing to chat via email with your student.

Another thing is that I would take her to the Brazilian grocery store, even if she doesn't show much interest. I would take her and ask her to help me shop. I would talk to her mom to get the recipes for her favorite foods. It would be great if you can get her in the kitchen cooking with you, but if not, I would just do your best...she may not even be familiar with how to make the foods (and there may have even been household help back at home who prepared meals??).

Is she using Skype to connect with her mom? Have you talked with her and her mom about her favorite activities at home...and tried to schedule some familiar activities in the regular schedule? Are there any family rituals they have at home that you could incorporate? Also, if she is staying for a while, you might consider inviting her to keep her family photos and things around the house, rather than just in her room. It might be nice to have a framed picture of her mom on the mantel, you know?

How long is she staying? She might feel better when school starts and she is around more peers...or it may get harder, depending on her personality.

Part of this is just, if she is homesick, well, it's going to feel badly for at least a while. And it is hard to watch a kid go through that, but the best you can do is just be present with them in their sadness without trying to fix it.

[faithsstuff]

Thanks for the thoughtful responses. She is wonderful to hav e in our home but I am absolutely exhausted. She's been here for 2 weeks and has only gone to school twice. Part of that wasn't her doing, getting her registered was a pain in the bum. She's having full out panic attacks We even went to another school, took a tour, spoke to a counselor and that one was even larger then the one she's currently enrolled at. She's started cooking for/with us and seems to have become much more comfy. This weekend there is a party and sleep over for the exchange students hosted by the org and I'm hoping she bonds with some of the other teens.

[jazzharmony]

Have things improved any? What a difficult situation.