Help me be ok with suckling after my milk is gone

[Pirogi]

My DD just turned 3, and I am 17 weeks pregnant. About two or three weeks ago, I finally stopped making milk completely. It had been dwindling before that. My daughter still nurses four or five times in the day and night, and would not be ok with stopping suckling completely. She is pretty good about stopping a session if/when it starts to get too uncomfortable for me. I ask DD if there is any milk, and she just says, "When the new baby comes, there will be lots of milk, and I will share with the baby!"

I guess I am having a hard time with her suckling my breast when there is no milk. This is normal, right? There is nothing "wrong" with continuing to nurse my 3 year old exclusively for comfort? I live in an area where it is very very rare for a mother to nurse this long, and I feel very weird when people ask now, especially since there is no more milk.

[elaine_benice]

Perfectly okay to dry nurse

it is perfectly okay to dry nurse for comfort. Also, in a few weeks time your colostrum should come in.

[StephandOwen]

It's different for every mom/baby. For me, personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I would probably explain that since there is no milk then nursing time is over. I would also explain that when the new baby comes the older kiddo can nurse again if he/she would like to.

[MammaG]

I nursed through a pregnancy and, while I didn't lose my milk completely (I don't think!), it was sure uncomfortable, but the reward when my milk came in and I had an experienced toddler to help out was SO worth it! Oh, yeah, and the benefit to the kids, too...there's that (!).

I know that my DS would have forgotten how to nurse if I'd stopped him, but he was a lot younger than your DD. He was 17 months old when DS2 was born. You'll have to judge for yourself if that might be a risk with your DD.

Would you and she feel comfortable suckling just at night before bed or something? That way you get a break, but she remembers how it goes and can nurse more again when the baby arrives, if she's still interested.

[rhiandmoi]

Have you had any conversations with her about what she gets out of the dry nursing? If she wants to experience closeness with you, you can give that to her with out dry nursing. You can offer hugs, snuggles, a secret word between the two of you, etc. You don't want to lose the close relationship, but being uncomfortable while you dry nurse is not going to help keep it going. There is nothing wrong with teaching her that you will be there for her in a different way. Even if you tandem nurse when your new LO arrives, the relationship you have with your older child will change. Giving her new coping skills now can only help her.

[kcparker]

Originally Posted by Pirogi

...She is pretty good about stopping a session if/when it starts to get too uncomfortable for me. I ask DD if there is any milk, and she just says, "When the new baby comes, there will be lots of milk, and I will share with the baby!"

I guess I am having a hard time with her suckling my breast when there is no milk. This is normal, right? There is nothing "wrong" with continuing to nurse my 3 year old exclusively for comfort? I live in an area where it is very very rare for a mother to nurse this long, and I feel very weird when people ask now, especially since there is no more milk.

How do YOU feel about it? Do you want to encourage her to wean? This would be a good time to do it. Do you want to tandem, do you want to be done with nursing the older one? One consequence of continuing to nurse is that she won't forget how to latch, which seems to be a common problem for kids who stop and try to start again. Personally, I HATED nursing through pregnancy when my supply dried up because it was extremely painful at first, then very, very irritating, so I imposed limits (like sometimes I would say DS could only nurse for a count of 10, count fast, then say, OKwehavetobenonenow because I felt like I was crawling out of my skin). But he persevered, and I have been tandem nursing for going on a year now, albeit with DS1 down to 2 times of the day when he is allowed to nurse.

It won't hurt her to nurse and do completely CLW, it won't hurt her if you want to impose more limits and do spot-weaning but still maintain a nursing relationship if she desires one, and there has not been research to show that MLW results in long-term harm to kids. So, basically, you can't lose, no matter what decide to do, if you and she are both treated respectfully, gently, and kindly in the situation.

[journeymom]

kcparker said it well.

There are three things in your post that seem to be on your mind.

1) What is 'normal', or right and wrong?

2) What is acceptable in your immediate community?

3) What do you want to do?

This has to be right for you and no one else.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by Pirogi

I guess I am having a hard time with her suckling my breast when there is no milk.

what kind of hard time? physical pain or societal pressure?

if physical pain then like others said see how YOU feel about it.

if its societal pressure since some are never going to like it what do you think. do you feel odd?

is it normal? doenst matter to me. i have been dry nursing for the past 5 years. its emotional therapy for dd and i would never take it away from her.