Feeling overwhelmed and anxious

[madis81]

I'm looking for advice. I really want to transfer care to the freestanding birth center where my DD2 was born. The care was great, they were very hands off, and I had no concerns about the care/interventions that could/would have happened in the hospital.

Fast forward 3 years later and we are expecting #3. I'm 30 weeks, and if I'm going to transfer my 1st appt needs to be no later then 32 weeks. Problem is I feel so overwhelmed and anxious by the idea of dropping off 2 kids at a babysitters, driving an hour, possibly up to 2 hours in traffic, in labor. This didn't bother me with #2, but we also had family that lived near the birth center and we stayed with them for a couple days when we thought labor was close and it worked perfectly.

This time however, we don't have family to stay with. AND, I have a history of quick births. DD#1 was 6 hours, DD#2 was 2.5 hours. I also will begin to dilate to 3-4 cm and will be 80-90% effaced a couple of weeks before I even give birth. So, I am worried we won't even make to the birth center.

We do have a midwife that works in a local hospital. She seems great, and we're very comfortable with her. The office she is in touts themselves as the closest thing to a birth center, and has seen a high number of natural births, and are about as hands off as you can get in a hospital. If you want a natural birth in a hospital this is the office you go to. And a major plus is this midwife will be the one that shows up at the birth. At the birth center it's 1 of 6 midwives, BUT we have met 4 of them from our 1st birth there. A big problem I have with the hospital birth is I am weary of hospitals. They scare me. I know that may sound silly, but I'm not sure what scares me more -- birthing in the car, or birthing in the hospital.

I'm trying to sort out my feelings and make a decision FAST. My DH is supportive on either decision. If we could we'd have a homebirth and not worry about either, but we don't have the funds for it. It's almost irritating that our insurance will cover a HB 90%, but we have to pay the full amount and then get reimbursed. I understand why, but paying the full amount up front makes it impossible for us to have a HB.

And I really want the option of a water birth again. The birth center allows them, the hospital will only allow you to labor in the tub.

Also, I know it's still early, but this baby has been persistintly in a frank breech position. I think this adds to me feeling overwhelmed and anxious too.

As I mentioned earlier, I'm just looking for advise on what to do. I feel really torn on what to do.

Thank you reading this... I'll have to reread it later to see if it makes any sense! lol... I've had sick children, very little sleep, and now I'm sick too. I hope this makes some sense!

[rparker]

The birth center sounds really great, but with your labor history I'd be too nervous to have a 1-2 hour drive just to get to my birth location. (My first labor was 6 hours too, haven't had my second yet.)

I guess it depends on how much fear you have about birthing in a hospital. I'm less afraid of birthing in our local hospital than I am of birthing in a car, but if the hospital really freaked me out I might be more willing to take my chances with an accidental UC.

Is taking your children to the birth center with you an option? (And would it make your total travel time substantially less?) We're in a similar situation as far as childcare options so we're going to take our 36 month old to the hospital with us, but we'll also have a doula with us who is willing to share childcare responsibilities during labor with my husband.

Is a doula an option? And would having one either decrease your anxiety about birthing in a hospital or make it possible for your whole family to go to the birth center?

I don't think there's one right answer for your situation other than you need to do whichever will cause you to feel the least amount of tension and fear during labor.

The hospital I'm birthing at has a similar rule about no birthing in the (really nice!) "labor tub." I'm considering just not telling anyone when I feel the urge to push and staying in the water

[MegBoz]

I had a similar choice with DS - a birth center that was an hour's drive without traffic, could easily have been a 2 hour drive with traffic. Oh - and that was an hour's drive from home - I work FT and it was a 1.5 hour drive from the office!! (Again, without traffic.) Whereas I had a great NCB-friendly hospital like 20 min from home, barely 15 min from my office.

I picked the hospital & while there were some little things that annoyed me (hated staying overnight after birth & food was lousy), if I couldn't HB, I'd pick that hospital again. Hands down. It was a great experience! Good hospital birth experiences do exist in the USA!

Do you know others who have birthed there? Have you taken the tour & met any of the nurses? See if you can get a true FEEL for the place. See if you can imagine yourself feeling comfortable there. Would a doula help you be more comfortable?

It seems to me that logically, the hospital is the best choice, it's just a matter of getting comfortable emotionally. It's a shame that our intellectual, rational knowledge can't always alter our feelings.

FYI, I've read that if a hospital has a no-birthing in the tub policy, if you don't get out, they'll just drain the water. While I rapidly defend any woman's right to decline any 'intervention' - in this case, I have to say I do NOT support birthing in the water anyway. (It's not the same as 'declining' an intervention like AROM or IV.) If the MWs are inexperienced with it, uncomfortable, it doesn't seem quite right to attempt to 'force' it on them. (Kinda like trying to 'force' a HB MW to attend a breech, twin, or VBAC birth if those things are out of the scope of her practice.)

Besides, do you want the MW to support you? Monitor fetal HR more closely during stage 2, support your perinium to help prevent tears? Then you need to let her know you're pushing & work together on it. If you DON'T want that support, then just UC anyway!

[madis81]

Thanks for the responses. I have some thoughts to ponders. We now definately know that the hospital doesn't do water births. They just let you labor in the tub and then you have to get out. We're going to tour the hospital just to see what kind of feeling we get from it though, so we are not ruling it out yet.