"Virtual Twins"

[simplified]

We have 3 year old boys 4 months apart (one birthed, one adopted at 6 weeks) and 1 year olds 2 months apart (one birthed, one brought straight home form the hospital). Does anyone here have a similar situation? I feel like a twin mom, but I don't want to offend moms who have actually birthed twins. KWIM?

[someonenamedleah]

I have twin boys whom I adopted at birth! Just wanted to say HI!!!

[starbuckmom]

There is a blog I keep up with that this family has done that 2x's also. They have a big family and are big on adoption. If I can remember, they have 9 bio kids and 5 adopted.

This is the blog: http://bakersdozen.typepad.com/a_bak...zen_daily_lif/

Welcome to the world of twins, virtual or not!!! I have 19mo old frat twins.

[kjoy2]

When you have kids that close in age, you are sure to share most of the same challenges as moms of 'bio' twins! Welcome!

[confustication]

I think there are a lot of challenges that are much the same with close-in age sibs bio or otherwise. I have a 25 mo w/global delay and an advanced 11 mo- I find that the multiple suggestions often fit better for us than the sibling suggestions.

[kcstar]

I have cousins who are twins by adoption, both adopted.

[nextcommercial]

I have daycare kids who are "twins" by adoption. They are about two weeks apart. But, raised as twins, and called "the twins". Nobody can actually come up with another way to describe them.

[queenjane]

I have "virtual twins" (i guess thats a nicer term than the former "artificial twins" huh?? ) my boys are 2 weeks apart.

I havent yet started calling them twins. They dont really look alike at all and one is a bit bigger than the other, but i wonder if just saying "yes they are twins" would be easier in public than "they are two weeks apart" because invariably that causes all sorts of questions and i dont really like to get into all that in public (esp as they are now getting older.)

Before my second son came, i fostered a little girl 2.5 months younger than my son, she just turned a year old at the time...that was pretty awful because they were at different dev. stages (for example, she could not walk yet) and couldnt really play together (plus she was very aggressive towards him) but once she left and my second son came, it was so much better. They fight, for sure, but are also partners in crime.

I think if i had adopted both boys as infants it would be easier to think of them as twins, and call them twins. But since they were older (second son 16.5 months at placement) it feels a little weird to do so.

[mamaeliz]

In my book, you're a twin mom! I have a good friend who adopted her first two, then after years of artificial insemination, got pregnant(!) and while pregnant, got hit up by the adoption agency of her second child who now had a sibling and would she like to adopt him? My friend said that she could never turn down a child being offered to her, so she had virtual "twins". Her daughter a tiny thing with blonde hair and blue eyes, and her son a big Korean boy with jet black hair and dark eyes, who literally looked like he was at least a year older than the girl. I love that she has always called them "the twins".

[simplified]

Oh, I'm so glad to see some replies to this post! After a few days I was feeling a little alone.

My older boys look like complete opposites: light, straight hair/dark, curly hair, light skin/dark skin, thin/thick. And my younger two are visually opposite as well, not to mention that they are the opposite sex too.

I always felt VERY uncomfortable in public because of other people's incessant questions...
"Are they twins?"
"No, they're four months apart."
"WOW, how did that happen?"
"Well, he's adopted."
"From where?"
"From the US."
"How did that happen? They usually don't let people adopt if they're pregnant."


Then a friend of mine suggested I just say "Yes, they're twins." Not wanting to be dishonest, I had to look up the dictionary definition of "twins" to make sure I wasn't deceiving anyone in my quest for simplicity of the grocery shopping experience. Then Google showed me the term "virtual twins". So now I just say "Yes" to the strangers' questions and smile while walking away. Unless I'm stuck in line and then I just smile and nod when they continue...
"WOW, they look nothing alike!"


Here's a great post I read this morning: http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/how-mu...-kid-cost.html

I appreciate the validation from other twin moms. It's nice to feel included without being forward and saying "I'M A TWIN MOM."