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entitlement? - Page 2

post #21 of 23
When confronted with stuff others have we don't I just have to shrug and say that's nice for them, ours is nice for us, hopefully it'll sink in for the kids. DS has gotten used to it by now that we don't deviate from the list in a store and we don't buy non consumables on a regular basis. Big treats and toys for them wait for Christmas, and we only get a small selection of the best things we want. I try and teach that what is unique and made with love or selected for quality is better than the same as everyone else has. Even my cousin when she visited who is from a family with lots of money but no time, seemed to get it, and to appreciate what we have.

The big things we want, we dream and talk about and plan them, enjoy that and let that be enough. In a few years we might get that vacation to Europe or that horse or the yard big enough for a zip line and an orchard. Or we might not. If we want it bad enough we'll wait as long as it takes and work toward it. No throwing fits allowed.
post #22 of 23
Originally Posted by mumofboyz View Post
Now and then I hear a bit of a whine (it used to be much worse) and I take the moment to gently remind them that what they see around here ... this is not normal. This is not how most people live and that they are very blessed with the gifts they have been granted in life. I also take the next breath to remind them of the special things that we do: the epic hike we took up a nearby mountain; the nice picnic we shared at an outdoor sculpture park; the great afternoon we had swimming at a local water hole. I divert the negative energy on what we don't have and put it back on to something fun that we did do fairly recently. It seems to help transition their brain back to reality.
This is exactly what I do -- with my husband!!
post #23 of 23
you know i never do that. i never meet a whine with 'be grateful for what you have'. i feel that's like a slap in the face. i think they have a right to their feelings. so i sit with dd and empathise with her. 'yes i know you really want to get that xxxx. you feel sad and upset that you cant get what you want. it is so frustrating that others have it and you dont.....' usually she sits on my lap and i hug her and i keep talking and then silence and talk and hug and silence. and after a while she feels much better, wipes her tears or stops hitting and runs off. of course if her tantrum was a really bad one she sometimes would fall asleep.

i make sure i share my feelings at other times too. its been really hard since she was 5 when she realised life does not revolve around her. that everytime she makes a choice she also loses something.

however a lot has come from doing, not from me saying. and from life too. through volunteering she got the idea that some commercials are not what they say they are. ma you have beautiful natural skin. the foundation only hides your spots, but doesnt take it away. why would anyone do that. why do they spend money on that.

we are poor. just by that fact has helped her. i have bought her a few things, and later she said awww mom i should not have bought that. now that i have it i dont really want it. its really hard for her to choose how to spend her money.

we live in a tiny 10x12 room, with a loft bed. the smallest house her playdates have is 1500 square feet. the largest 4000 sq. ft. not once has she complained that our place is too small. i can barely afford to buy her anything. she tells me 'mom its ok. at least i have you. if i got those things you would have to work and i would see you less.' i involved her in my decision when i went back to school. she was 6. and she has not regretted the decision.
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