How can DH help at night?

[juniper_mama]

I posted earlier about our lack of sleep - waking every 1-3 hours or, like last night just up most of the night, I think because of teething pain. DS is 9.5 months. This has been going on for months now and I really need some sleep. I'd like your advice and experiences on getting DH to take over some of the night soothing. He works full time and I'm still on maternity leave so we've agreed that I do nights so he can get some sleep to function at work. But lots of people suggested that he take over some of the night wakings to give me a rest and to suggest to DS that DH can offer comfort too. But as I nurse him to sleep for all naps and nights and almost every night waking, how can DH actually help? I think he'll just feel super frustrated with a crying baby and we'll all know that nursing would probably help (even though that's not putting him back to sleep lately either - DS is up flopping and flailing and trying to crawl all over the bed in his sleepy state). I'm just not sure what to do but we all need to get some sleep soon.

Also, when do you think he will stop needing milk at night? He STTN from 8 weeks to about six months so it seems he CAN go all night (or could) but is now in the habit of waking.

PS. I gear myself up for night time by checking in on these forums and reminding myself of all the other beautiful mamas out there going through these same things so I just wanted to say thanks and send hugs to everyone else doing this too!

[nola79]

Does your ds take a pacifier? My dd wakes up frequently during the night, but not for hunger, and that puts her back to sleep. Or your DH could pick him up, carry him out of the room, and rock him back to sleep. Or even a favorite animal or blanket could soothe him, your DH could give him that. I feel your pain, my dd has already been up twice since 8 o'clock!

[LuluMama8]

Juniper Mama, We had the exact same situation where our DD STTN (8-10 hrs!)from 6wks to 5 months or so and then started waking every 1-2 hrs for months. She is now 14 months old and is going through another little rough stretch right now, but after 12 months she woke a LOT less (1-3 times a night) so take heart that things most likely will get better soon.

We also cosleep and there was very little my DH could do to help with night awakenings. Same thing, if we tried to cuddle or soothe DD back to sleep without nursing she got really, really upset. So the path of least resistance and most sleep was just for me to nurse her back to sleep. The thing that helped a lot though was that DH changed his schedule a little so that he could watch DD from first waking (6:30-7) until her first nap (around 9) and I felt like it was the best sleep by far that I got all night. When I started getting that extra sleep I went from barely making it to pretty normal. Is there any way DH can regularly watch DD in the mornings so you can sleep in? Or can you go to bed earlier? You might want to focus on how DH can help you get more sleep other than during the night.

Another thing we tried is that we had a twin futon and a double futon on the floor next to each other and for awhile DH slept with DD in the double and I slept in the twin. I still had to wake up to nurse a lot (maybe a little less?) but slept better in between since I didn't have to deal with DD's restlessness. Some would say it is unsafe for anyone to sleep with the baby except for the mother until the baby is older but I guess we personally felt comfortable with the situation, especially since DD slept on the side of the futon closest to me so I felt confident I would wake up if she needed me to.

If you haven't already I would try reading No Cry Sleep Solution. I didn't feel like it really helped us a huge amount but I think its a great book and definitely worth trying some of the suggestions. Perhaps I wasn't persistent enough.

Lastly, hang in there! You are doing an awesome thing by gently helping your LO through this rough sleep period and know that sometime it absolutely has to get better. In the mean time take it easy on yourself as I know how horrible it is to feel so sleep deprived.

[Xerxella]

I second the no cry sleep solution. Great book. Can you sleep somewhere else on the weekends, for part of the night or some combination like that? It helped us enormously for DH to take the weekends. He had a bottle (expressed BM), if needed, and he could rock, sing cuddle and do whatever was needed to help DC fall back asleep. But, you will have to be at least out of the room. Take some earplugs (if needed) and sleep on the couch from 11 pm-3 am (or whatever). Just having a 4 hour block of solid sleep made me a new woman!

DC and DH won't be at their happiest, but they'll be fine. Your H can do it.

Or, you could nurse and if DC doesn't fall back asleep, then you can go sleep on the couch while DH handles DC.

You could night wean now if you wanted to or at least set up time limits. Say, 10pm-4am, that's a "no-nurse" zone. We night weaned DS at 9 months and DD at 13 months. She just wasn't ready until then.

Really, read the No Cry Sleep Solution. It talks about all this.

[Hannah32]

Can you work on another way to go to sleep? I nurse our son right before bed, after he's changed and diapered. Hubby puts him in a sling and walks him up and down the street until he's in deep sleep. Takes about 1/2 hour.

Hubby also gives a bottle of pumped milk once per night. I've gotten a lot of comments about this affecting my supply, but my baby is gaining well and nurses probably about 12-15 times per day, so it's ok for us, IMO.

My son is very little, only 8 weeks, so I think these tips would work even better for you. Our best stretch is about four hours at this point, but usually three.

[texmati]

DH does a lot of the nighttime stuff-- but what really works for extra sleep is that on saturdays when DS wakes up for reals, DH will take him out. out of the house-- to the park, grocery, ect, and I'll stay in bed and sleep.

The when it looks like time for nap #2, dh will come home, and I can nurse DS to sleep again. Then either both of us sleep in, or just DH, if I'm feeling well rested, or we'll do *other stuff*. It's been working out really well for us.