TV stress

[PrincessDoll]

The tv is part of our family dynamic and it's something I have come to terms with. However, I want to be more conscious with the time that I allow the tv to be on while my son is awake. While I feel okay with how I've handled things now, with the limits I have instilled, I'm ready to start being even more conscious of the tv choices and helping my son to become more aware of his use of the tv. So, I was hoping to get some help on some questions.

- How can I be even more intentional with the use of the television?
- What are some creative and decorative ways to cover the tv during the day hours so it is not the main fixture in the room? Getting a tv cabinet with closing doors is not an option at this time. I was thinking of a chinese changing screen but I worry it will make our already small living room feel even smaller.

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by PrincessDoll

The tv is part of our family dynamic and it's something I have come to terms with. However, I want to be more conscious with the time that I allow the tv to be on while my son is awake. While I feel okay with how I've handled things now, with the limits I have instilled, I'm ready to start being even more conscious of the tv choices and helping my son to become more aware of his use of the tv. So, I was hoping to get some help on some questions.

- How can I be even more intentional with the use of the television?
- What are some creative and decorative ways to cover the tv during the day hours so it is not the main fixture in the room? Getting a tv cabinet with closing doors is not an option at this time. I was thinking of a chinese changing screen but I worry it will make our already small living room feel even smaller.

I don't cover our tv. But I guess you could get a play silk and use that?

[lyrebird]

In terms of intentionality we use the TV only at certain times of the day and when things are going well it doesn't get switched on at all, though on average once or twice a week my son watches one of his favourite DVDs or programs. I am more lenient with nature programs and cooking programs (go figure!!) in terms of the length of time he watches. With his favourite childrens DVDs he usually has a maximum of three episodes - either way it usually ends up no longer than half an hour anyway. We were watching masterchef with him on a Friday if he had a sleep during the day... it was the highlight of the week for him to stay up an extra half hour after dinner and watch TV with mum and dad. No idea if that helps but that's how things are with our four year old currently. The one year old doesn't watch TV yet.

Decorations - we have a red patterned Indonesian sarong over our TV and covering that is my mum's beautiful red loosely knitted shawl so you can see the patterns through the wool - and on top of the TV is a nice crafty wooden bowl and a couple of carved wooden birds. We have to think twice before lifting the cloths. The birds are constantly falling off but because they're wooden they don't break. The wooden decorations take the eye away from the TV itself.

Actually this might also help - we have just spent three weeks with my in-laws and dodging TV viewing times of his cousins. Sound familiar, anyone? My son was surprisingly ok with my efforts and didn't kick up too much of a stink - he knew that at home we don't watch much TV at all and that any extra TV he watched there was a bonus. I was lenient in the afternoons since that is when we allow TV here, but at all other times it was not allowed (apart from a few unavoidable occasions). Since we kept that rule from the start, we didn't have too many issues. When his cousins ate their meal in front of the TV (almost every day at lunch and dinner) he ate his in the dining room and one of us would sit with him if we weren't eating at that time. It was hard, but it can be done!! Since coming home nearly four weeks ago I think we've watched it three times, apart from the day he was sick. I guess it comes back to rhythm ... there are times for TV and times for no TV. There is one, two or three programs or half an hour or whatever and then the TV is switched off. Once that is ingrained, then you have fewer issues.

[mamaUK]

I found it easier to become TV free 6 days a week and then my LO's choose one DVD on a saturday. This works for us, because now it is a completely non-issue, it doesn't even get mentioned in day to day life. The DVD they have on a Saturday afternoon is about 1 hour 15 minutes long. We have been doing this for the past two and a half years and it has been exactly the same every week. I have to be very strict with myself about TV, otherwise i know I would just slide to putting it on loads for the children and I don't want that. I'm an all or nothing sort of person and I know this about myself!

We don't cover our TV during the day and it is just ignored.

I'm not TV free myself, I watch TV in the evenings when the children asleep. I just not that good to give it up myself!

[TulsiLeaf]

Originally Posted by mamaUK

I found it easier to become TV free 6 days a week and then my LO's choose one DVD on a saturday. This works for us, because now it is a completely non-issue, it doesn't even get mentioned in day to day life. The DVD they have on a Saturday afternoon is about 1 hour 15 minutes long. We have been doing this for the past two and a half years and it has been exactly the same every week. I have to be very strict with myself about TV, otherwise i know I would just slide to putting it on loads for the children and I don't want that. I'm an all or nothing sort of person and I know this about myself!

We don't cover our TV during the day and it is just ignored.

I'm not TV free myself, I watch TV in the evenings when the children asleep. I just not that good to give it up myself!

We are not tv free either. We were, not by choice, for near a year and while I liked it, I do enjoy a good program here and there.

The only tv we watch during the day, is a program in the morning for M when we wake up and she even turns it off when she is done. Or if there is a goodNature program on we watch it. She loves to watch programs about animals in other countries. I am not a zoo person, so I feel letting her watch elephants in Africa on the screen is alright.

[LuxPerpetua]

We are now completely TV-free and have been for over a year now. When dd was 2 (she's 4.5 now) my dh was in his last year of grad school getting his Ph.D. and was hardly ever home, and I literally got no break because dd was not napping anymore. At that time we did have a TV that stayed off and closed up during the day. On top of everything else, my dd has sensory issues that at that time made eating a terrible experience (she'd gag on just about everything). So, under these circumstances, I started allowing a short nature DVD (we had 1) or a few Max and Ruby episodes on DVD (these have slow-motion, gentle themes, and are very short--like 7 mins/episode--and have accompanying books that are really rather good for little kids--the books came BEFORE the show). We'd watch maybe 30 minutes with breakfast and lunch and sometimes dinner while dd was eating. This really helped take her mind off of food textures and is what helped her overcome her oral sensitivities. I figured that it wasn't as terrible as it could be because we were sitting anyway (as opposed to disrupting playtime). During the rest of the day, no TV allowed. Having a regular pattern really worked for us. Now, we read books while she eats and talk and our TV is gone with an aquarium in it's place. As for covering the TV, I think a beautiful playsilk is a great idea.

[zoebird]

we don't have a tv because we moved to NZ and haven't gotten one. we don't really miss it, and the channels here--if you don't have SkyTV--are pretty terrible. so, there it is. no tv here.

but, we do have YouTube (where i mostly watch instructional videos from time to time), and we do get videos occasionally. usually, they are my husband's choices, and so not child appropriate (war movies, action films, dramas with killing or sex or both, so, we don't watch them around the baby).

it does make life pretty easy, because there isn't a temptation.

now, our issue is stories. he wants us to read over and over for hours, so we put the teapot on, and when it whistles, then reading time is over (and we have tea). so, that helps.

otherwise, my mother had a rule where we would only watch tv from 7-9 pm (when i was about 9-10), and until 10 on sat am (depending upon when we got up!), and that was it.

I like the idea of a video once a week, too. it's good to have containers like that.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

we do allow some dvds around here. we have a cabinet from IKEA that we bought on craigslist, which is awesome for "out of sight out of mind" I know some folks who do a hanging curtain in front of the tv or just a blanket over the tv.

we only do dvds (we don't have channels). I think only have dvds makes it much more intentional and then we know what we are going to watch and how long it is.

Planet Earth is pretty great, but ds asks questions the whole (which is wonderful, but defeats my "few minutes of quiet" that I am hoping for!)

[lyrebird]

Yes, I agree about the only one day a week thing (although we have two windows - Tuesdays and Fridays - if he doesn't ask, we don't watch and if he does ask I make a decision based on what's been happening and whether I think it's right at the time. If it's nice outside then that would normally be a time I'd say no, let's play outside. If I've had a shocker of a day I say ok, maybe just 3 stories).
We also pretty much only have half a dozen DVDs to choose from, though there is Playschool which he has only watched a few times anyway.
I have chosen the DVDs based on storyline and presentation - more gentle. We've got British ones: Little Red Tractor (his favourite), Bob the Builder (but I found his play started to be based on the program so I've tried to limit that one), Postman Pat. Also a couple in Portuguese such as Thomas and a Brazilian one we haven't watched yet. They're all animated - not the most beautiful pictures, but there's not much out there. Anyone have any other suggestions for softer TV options?

[lyrebird]

sorry, just another thought on choosing material:
I steer clear away from Disney stuff and anything that has the fairytales or other stories they might encounter at school - I personally think it ruins it for them - I want the stories to come alive in their imagination, not be limited by the visuals they have been exposed to on TV. Perhaps only well after they've had the stories - I mean it's pretty hard to stay in a Waldorf bubble, and I don't think it's healthy anyway. We can only do our best to preserve their innocence and nurture their imagination. They live in the world after all.

[LuxPerpetua]

We used to have one nature DVD of animals in their habitats and it had no narration, just background music. That was nice.

[lach]

I think that after a while, you get into a groove of not watching TV and it doesn't even really occur to you as an option. (For better or worse: Someone from EI came over to my house to discuss DS's plan and DD was tired and grumpy and sooo annoying. She's normally really good about amusing herself, but was just very needy that day. I was trying to have this meeting and keep her quiet for just an hour and it was about two days later when I had the head-slapping idea that if I had just turned on the frikkin TV I could have had a full hour's peace. It didn't even occur to me.)

My personal opinion is that TV has a valuable place as a crutch. And that's not a bad thing: we all need crutches to lean on sometimes. I'm elleventy billion months pregnant right now (I should contact Guinness about whether that's a record) with about a hundred left to go: I'm exhausted, I'm awake every two hours at night to pee, standing for too long kills my feet. Between now and when this baby is finally born, I can tell you right now that our TV consumption is going to rise. And depending on how high needs the baby is, it may very well continue. When DS was born, I turned on the TV when I had to nurse him down to a nap because DD was very clingy and would get VERY loud just as he was drifting off.

So we are not TV free, and I am not adverse to TV. I think the issue is what requires a crutch, and that's where it's easy to fall off the wagon and make excuses. Do you really need the TV on while you make dinner? Yeah, it would make life a little bit easier. But could you instead put on a CD and have the kids hang out in the kitchen and you can all have a dance party? Could you have some special pre-dinner coloring books that you pull out? Your mileage may vary in having them "help" you cook: that's a frequent suggestion but IME rarely practical when real food for actual consumption has to be made. I usually just send mine out in the yard while I cook. They're young, but I can see them from the kitchen window.

I think in terms of using TV "intentionally" (I liked the way you phrased that), it comes down to weighing your options. Sometimes it is the best choice: just like sometimes a really junky dinner at a junky fast food restaurant is the best choice. But it really shouldn't be your first choice. And I think the hard part of going TV free is the time it takes to readjust that mindset, and make it the choice of last resort. For me at least, once I got past that hump it rarely even occurred to me to turn on the TV. When we go through periods of watching, DD starts begging for more, and it takes about two weeks to detox her from asking all the time.

[coco]

if you look up 'mole cartoon' on youtube theres a sweet wordless czech cartoon, very gentle my kids love it, and I loved it as a child.

[AmyShin]

Originally Posted by zoebird

so we put the teapot on, and when it whistles, then reading time is over (and we have tea). so, that helps.

What a great way to set a time limit AND transition to something else! I am sticking this in my box of momma tools... thanks a lot...

[laangel]

Originally Posted by coco

if you look up 'mole cartoon' on youtube theres a sweet wordless czech cartoon, very gentle my kids love it, and I loved it as a child.

I agree, this is too cute!

[PrincessDoll]

Wow, thank you for all the replies! I am loving all the various perspectives. The playsilk sounds really nice. Lyrebird, I love the setup you use to cover the tv! I am working on a homemade felt board, and a friend suggested I prop the felt board in front of the tv and 'create' our own 'tv shows.' Right now, I'm covering it with a picture of the Virgin of Guadalupe (a pretty Catholic wall hanging blanket like material). But I'm thinking of doing the playsilks with the felt board.

I would like to be tv free during the week completely but I work from home and my shift starts in the evening before my son goes to bed. I need to figure something out because even with the limits I have instilled, I already see the tv suck some of his imagination out and I am really concerned about this shaky path. Please keep the ideas coming, I am really enjoying everyone's perspective.

[mamaUK]

Originally Posted by zoebird

otherwise, my mother had a rule where we would only watch tv from 7-9 pm (when i was about 9-10), and until 10 on sat am (depending upon when we got up!), and that was it.

I like the idea of a video once a week, too. it's good to have containers like that.

I've actually been thinking about this lately, whats the appropriate age to introduce a little TV in the evenings when my LO's are more grown up? Do I even introduce more TV? I know I certainly enjoy watching a TV progamme in the evenings to wind down. And I remembered I enjoyed it as a kid too.

I thought your mother's rule was interesting.

[counterGOPI]

Originally Posted by mamaUK

I've actually been thinking about this lately, whats the appropriate age to introduce a little TV in the evenings when my LO's are more grown up?

Around the age of 10 or so. That's when they should be out of the dream state. For us personally, I don't know when/if we will at all. I enjoy the girls being tv free and DH and I only watch a little a night some nights.

Our tv is hidden downstairs (where the girls never go) in our office area along with our computer. It's in a cabinet tucked away unseen. In our old house I used a playsilk to cover it up and that worked pretty well.

[mommabeehilly]

We don't watch TV in our house. But I'll tell you my recent stress has been from the site of the bazillion year old TV that I inherited that is in our bonus(y) type room...where all of the play stuff is. Aaack. I can't sort out a solution for this that all parties agree upon. DH has resistance to just putting it in a closet...I guess he still thinks that we *might* watch a movie some night if we are not too tired .

OK so any fantastic solutions to hiding the TV...that don't cost several hundred dollars (I'd love a hutch or something of the like...but our TV is one of the old DEEP kinds). Playsilks have been tossed over it temporarily, but I almost think that draws more attention to it. Hmmm...

[zoebird]

well, i grew up with TV from infancy, and mostly with sports. we only ever had one tv in the house, so it was the family tv. my parents are really into sports (football, basketball, golf, baseball), and so the TV was only on at night, and usually it was sports. this means that we actually did not watch a ton of tv.

but, i think the waldorf school where we used to live said not until age 9 or so, and i don't know about the one here.

we went to bed at 9:30, so we had to stop watching TV to get ready for bed. when i was younger, i went to bed at 8:30, after the muppet show.