Pulling My Hair Out!

[lness]

If anyone can offer suggestions I would be so grateful!
DD is 16 months, almost 17, and we are having the worst time with her sleeping. She doesn't want to go to bed in the evening, I think she's missing out on something ... but I have been closing her bedroom door, and we sit in there together and alternate nursing and howling and trying to get the door open until she's ready to doze off, then we nurse until she's out. This takes anywhere from 45 minutes to 2 hours -- last night I took her in around 8:30 and was finally able to go take a shower at 10:15.
Once she is asleep, it doesn't last. Every night, no matter when she falls asleep, between 2-2:30, she wakes up again. And then that's it - she won't sleep alone the rest of the night. We have a mattress on her floor so I won't have to sit in the rocking chair all night, so I can lay down and nurse her there, but even after she's back to sleep if I try to leave she wakes up and screams again, the awful "something hurts" scream, but once I'm there nothing seems particularly wrong except she wants to "na-na". She will fall back asleep but she's very squirmy and seems like a light sleep when it comes. Some nights I keep trying and make 4 or 5 attempts to go back to bed before giving up, last night I just went to sleep with her and stayed in there all night.
I do like sleeping with her, but it's really cutting into my have ANY time alone with DH, which both of us are feeling the lack. And it's not a very comfortable mattress for full-time use and it's messing up my shoulder...is this "just a phase" that's normal for this age, or am I missing something? I REALLY don't want to CIO even though DH keeps saying he thinks no matter how I draw it out eventually I'm going to "have to let her cry."
Oh - some nights, a little Tylenol seemed to help, which made me think "teething" but it's been several days with no sign of any teeth appearing, and it doesn't always help.

[Xerxella]

It sounds like your night time troubles are screaming for a routine. IMO She needs to know exactly what happens next, dinner, snack, bath, nursing, bed. Or whatever. Some kids really respond to this type of precise routine.

Also, are you interested in night weaning. Night wakings essentially stopped with night weaning. I always recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution. I really like that book.

Can DH take the 2 am night wake up? If you don't think he has the patience, don't try it.

Also, it does sound like teething pain, since the tylenol seems to help. Have you tried ibuprofen or Hyland's? Some of those work for different kids.

Good luck. Stick with it. You can do this momma!

[FloridaBorn]

Originally Posted by lness

Every night, no matter when she falls asleep, between 2-2:30, she wakes up again. And then that's it - she won't sleep alone the rest of the night.

I know this sounds wild, but is it possible that something other than her own internal clock is waking her at this time? A loud train? A neighbor that gets home late and shines the car lights in the windows to her room?

Something may be frightening her and making it difficult for her to get back to sleep.... also would explain why it's so hard for her to get to sleep in the first place, she may be dreading the night/alone time.

[Strong Mama]

I would try nightweaning, keep giving tylenol(it took ds's molars 2 months to come in, lots of tylenol during that time helped). Is her room pitch black? Some children are sensory seekers. My son was/is. His room must be and even as a babe had to be completely pitch black to sleep. If one light cracked through, he would be wide awake and interested in everything. He started having a night light at 3, to help him for night time potty trips. He sleeped like a log in his pitch black room. My older son is like that, too.So is dh. We bought those black out curtains that keep all light out.

[healthy momma]

Your post could have been mine 10 months ago. I mean down to every last detail - the long drawn out nerve wracking bedtime, the same time wake ups, only sleeping with me there on the floor bed, the lack of alone time with DH, the messed up shoulder. Wow! Now get this, I am typing this while DH gets DS to sleep. No crying. Granted this is a new development in the last week but things have been considerably better for months. 17 to 19 months was our worst time period. I just didn't think I could do it. Although supportive of my decision, my DH thought we should give CIO a shot for my sanity. I stuck it out though and like I said things have gotten better. My thoughts:

1. Spend a few nights sleeping snuggled up to your DD. Tell yourself how lucky you are to have this time with her and how soon it will be gone. Give her a chance to feel completely secure and comfortable that you will be there. Then try a night going back to your own bed. My DS would usually sleep really well that night. If I tried it two nights in a row he'd have a terrible night the second time. So I'd just go back to sleeping with him for 3 nights or so and take another night off. It wasn't long after this that he started coming to our room to sleep in our bed and DH would slip out to DS bed and leave us the big bed to sleep in.

2. Try every few weeks to have DH comfort her in the night. If it is obviously not working (fussing/crying/screaming) for 10 - 20 minutes (your comfort zone) then give it up and try again later. My DS decided DH was an okay comforter between 11:00 and 3:00 around 21 months. Now it is more like 11:00 to 5:00.

3. Try every few weeks to say something like "Mama's milk is gone right now. There will be more in the morning. We can snuggle up together right now and sleep." My DS was good with this for the 2:30 to 3:00 wake up around 20 months, the midnight wakeup around 22 months, and now only insists on nursing between 4:30 and 5:30 for the most part.

4. Somewhere in there give it a shot with DH putting DD to bed. It only started working for us just recently and I have to be out of the house during bedtime routine but man is it "freeing" and a well deserved respite I might add.

5. I don't know your potty/diapering situation but DS wakes easily when he has to pee. We have practiced EC since birth and more nursing equals more wake ups and more potty trips in the night. DH putting him to bed without having just tanked up on Mama's milk has led to much longer sleep times between wakeups. A full 7 hour stretch two nights ago. For us, that is HUGE! I am finally ready to night wean so we can all sleep better. Still working out exactly how that is going to work for us.

6. Have someone work on your shoulder... chiropractor, massage therapist, your DH.

We have done all this organically as he has developed without forcing any issues or resorting to CIO. It was definitely not easy at times and we obviously still don't have what others would call a good sleeper but I've followed what I believe to be the best path for us and it has gotten soooo much better. I'm just hoping for a naturally easy sleeper the second time around! Which by the way we are just considering mostly due to the lack of sleep I've had for over two years.

Oh, and just food for thought on the issue of administering Tylenol for anything other than really high fevers:

http://www.webmd.com/asthma/news/200...tied_to_asthma

[lness]

Good Lord - 2 Months! No wonder she's upset!
We are trying to get her back onto a standard routine for going to bed, and for waking up at the same time every morning. That makes a lot of sense as part of the problem, since it has been much worse since we got home from vacation a couple weeks ago.
I can't ask DH to do the nighttime stuff, he's a teacher and with the new year starting, he has to get up early again. Since I'm not working now, that's one of the things that falls into the "Mom Department".
I will try just snuggling instead of nursing if she wakes up though, and see if she accepts it. I partly want to night-wean her, especially if it helps her sleep better, but I don't want to refuse to nurse if she really still needs it and isn't just being whiny. I think you might be right that she might be ready -- as soon as I come in the room, she stops crying and crawls back into the bed, and is already half asleep again by the time I just get settled next to her. She seems like she might also be about ready to potty-train, so maybe that will help too...or make it worse.
I can't imagine what could be waking her up at night, though - it could be the neighbors, but we aren't near railroads, or major streets, or even bright streetlights.

Lots of good suggestions there, we will try and see which of them help her. Beyond that though it is SOOOOO helpful to know that other people have gone through the same thing and have survived it! Thank you!