The 10 Best things about a High Needs Baby - Page 2

[Tway]

Originally Posted by HappilyEvrAfter

And, in addition, I wish I had known that this was just who my kiddo is...not something I was doing wrong to make him this way or that I was unable to meet his needs (which is how people made me feel )

Totally agree.

[alis]

Thank you for this. My son is 10 weeks, very high needs, colic, the whole deal. As hard as every day/hour is, I'm glad that we learned to appreciate the simple things in life and how to live in the moment.

[ann_of_loxley]

That list is so true and funny! Thanks for the laugh!

So far I have had one of each. And I wasn't blessed to have the 'hard' one first either...... DS1 was an 'easy' baby. I kinda missed his babyhood - he was just there, like the sofa is just there because he was so chilled and relaxed. He would happily lay there for hours and even just put himself to sleep! DS2 on the other hand...well that list fits him perfectly! lol

[samikashi]

What a fabulous list to bring smiles! Describes our "Mr. Adventure" perfectly.

[southernmommie]

OMG!! I remember being there! My DS8 was such a high needs child that there is NO way I could have done it with other kids around. He was my first and by far my highest needs baby that I've had. I've had more after him, but he was just in a class all by himself! I remember the best book I ever read was Attachment Parenting by Dr. Sears. After reading that book, I thought "I can do this!" And we did. He was thrived with the info I got out of that book. Now he's entering the gifted class in the 3rd grade and is ready for more independence than I think he is ready for considering his age, but he is still ahead of his age even now. Been that way since birth! (Held his head up to look at the nurses as soon as laid on my chest at birth.) He's ADD, but that is his gift. His high needs was his way, (or God's way, however you choose to look at it) at getting us to focus on what his needs were and how to address them.

Thank you so much for posting this!!

[theatermom]

Great list! I will add that my first (and fiercest) high needs baby (also happened to be the first baby I was ever really around) also taught me to meet his needs in spite of social conventions and my own lack of confidence. I didn't feel comfortable nursing him openly in every social situation we encountered (especially after he turned 2)? Well, too bad. And I couldn't use a blanket because 1) he didn't want anything touching his head and 2) he wanted to see what was going on. His brothers can thank him for preparing me to be a more open and relaxed parent. :-) He's about to turn 10, and I can't measure all of the ways I've grown and changed since then, largely due to him not being a laid back baby.

I will say that while my other three have been spirited in their own ways (ds#3 being the most like ds#1), they were much, much "easier" babies. Having been "trained" by ds#1, though, I've never once taken any laid back moment or trait for granted.

[LeaPea]

I really needed to read this today. Thank you! Hopefully I can remember these things when I am in the thick of things

[ElliesMomma]

crying b/c it's been such a rough weekend, and this list makes me feel finally understood.

(anybody else parenting a high needs/fussy baby with very limited hands-on time from their partner? i'm with 1 yo high needs DS and my super spirited 4 yo DD basically 24/7 all day every day... holding DS *constantly*... doing everything i need to do around the house with one arm. just killing me. and so so so much needing a break. DH doesn't understand and really has no clue, no idea how hard it is. thank you, Ladies, for spelling it out for me. you all understand!!!!)

[Patricia Rivera]

thank you thank you thank you!! this list captures it perfectly and reminds me to feel grateful and blessed that my little one picked us to raise such a spirited soul

[Imakcerka]

Ugh, I needed that list 8 years ago when babe slept from 4am to 10am only. And cried from the moment she woke up til the time she went to bed. And yes that year felt like 10. Oh and I lost a lot of weight! They'll either help you drop those baby lbs or help you keep them on. Believe me the whole house sighed with relief when the next babe showed up a lover of sleep and completely content.

Though my high needs baby turned into a high needs toddler then a high needs kid. We finally figured out how to get her to sleep before 4 am and it was called melatonin. Good luck to all you mamas out there with these special little ones. They can really make life interesting.

[funkymamajoy]

Great list!

I'll add:

-A high needs baby teaches you that your baby's (or child) behavior is not a reflection on you.

-A high needs baby wipes the smug off of a first time mom faster then anything (at least this was my experience)

[Ella-6]

lol

lol

lol

That was me as I was reading through the list. It's so great to be able to laugh about it now. Before DS was born I was told by a psychic that I was going to have twin boys. Nope just 1, but with the energy of 2!

OP, thank you so much for putting into words our experience of parenting a high-needs baby. It really is valuable and affirming.

[AnnaBees Mama]

jellybeanmama, could I have your permission to post this on my facebook, (attributing credit to you, of course). This is worth sharing!!! If you'd rather I not, I completely understand.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I know this is an older thread. But a conversation with a friend today made me realize that my toddler was a high needs baby. Suddenly all the "advice" that friends and family gave me that was worse than useless ... Well, I realize WHY it was so! 

[sleeplessinLA]

I found this article when I was absolutely exhausted... My son now almost 7 months old and has yet to STN  or take regular naps if any. He is very challenging but an absolute love that lights up my life with his big ol gummy grin!. He is a very determined little guy and reminds me of his daddy in so many ways. This is what keeps me going!

I loved this article and all the posts below it. It is nice to know that its not just your child. I get tired of people giving me advice- I have two older children that fall into the "norm" they were easy and they slept! I have to say the bond is different though. My baby demands my attention...all the time! Im learning to let go of control (not easy for one with ocd)  Some days I just need to regroup and remind myself, Its not the parenting . Its not a bad thing. It is just their personalities. Destined for greatness! :)

[Iluv Coco]

My beautiful little baby is at the very top of the high needs scale, and it's so nice to know that there are others who are going through the same challenging experience.

She breastfeeds constantly, refusing to wean (including night feeds, of course). I have pnd and am returning to work this Monday...  Expect my next post to be from within the confines of an asylum! 

[newmamalizzy]

#7!!!!! Every few weeks I give up.  I GIVE UP!!!!!  But she's STILL THERE saying "Mommy! Mommy! and trying to cling to my neck.  I feel like the frustration and fury is going to bowl me over.  I seethe and roil and....then it drains away, and somehow I give my little girl a big hug, pop her in the car and take her someplace beautiful. 

My DD isn't as physically boisterous as some high needs kids, so I often read the high needs checklists and say, "Nahhh, she's not high needs.  I'm just an absolutely awful mother."  But now I take care of her little baby cousin once a week and somehow it's easier to take care of both of them that it ever was to take care of just DD. 

Oh, yes.  Here she is screaming now.  Good night, sleep tight, everyone :( 

[Peony]

Wow. Reading over my post form years ago was a shock! I am now on my second high, high needs child. My first broke me. My second child was high needs, the always sleeping on you, always nursing, lots of medical problems to go along with it kind, and it was really intense but she mellowed out as she got older. I think her problems were more situationally. She is 5 now and I couldn't call her high needs today so I don't clarify her as a true high needs kid, DD1 who is now 9 will always be called that! Then I got a regular kid. OMG that was huge. He wasn't even that easy but just a regular, old baby. He was a breath of fresh air so I made the ultimate decision and had one more child. DS2 is a carbon copy of my first child. Two little bookends. And now I think I am officially insane. The screaming is the worst. He is 7 months now and it is just how I remember it from DD1, nonstop screaming for the first year. Yep, insanity. 

[Pepe]

What a great post--and what a wonderful attitude you have, OP.

My high-needs, never-sleep baby is now a lovely 6yo boy who has many of the traits that attachment parenting is meant to nurture.  He is sweet, easygoing, and very sensitive to the feelings of others.  He can still be quite a stubborn little person at times, but he has a very mild personality and is very securely attached to us (DH and me).

Hang in there!

Edited to add: To be clear: I'm not trying to make a cause-and-effect statement about how we respond to high-needs babies--your kiddo might stay high-needs, and it wouldn't mean anything except that is his/her temperament.  If that happens, you will be ready to accommodate, and to use your creativity and innovation to respond accordingly!

[Subhuti]

They teach you how to love when love seems impossible.

They teach you unconditional acceptance of another, no matter how they are behaving.

And I agree, they teach you extreme creativity.

My dd1 is seven and always very high needs.  And like one of the PP said, I am still traumatized from that first year.  We had a blessedly easy dd2, thank god.  And the elder is still soooooo much harder than the younger ... but I love them both equally.  Just ... one is much, much harder to be around than the other! One's like nitroglycerine (never know when it's going to blow!), the other like a warm bath.  

But ... oh, it gets so much easier when they are verbal and you can speak directly to them and they to you ... and the screaming / crying /whining is not their only form of communication.  And you can be reasonable with them and they have developped some self-control!