If you foster, is there really and $ left at the end of the month? - Page 4

[pumpkingirl71]

Originally Posted by provocativa

but really, the thinking poor have other skills that the wealthy simply don't have- to secure childcare or a wardrobe on a budget, or handle special diets- (we are gluten free and sometimes casein free here).

You are angry because you say that others are making assumptions, but you are too. I am sure based on my savings, many people would consider me wealthy, but I make a middle class living and save, save, save.

yes, i agree that other posters have disagreed with the premise that one must be rich to foster. but accusing someone of automatically shortchanging kids is revolting classism.

No one said you had to be rich. Most people said you have to be making your bills every month. No one ever said anything about you or any other low income parent shortchanging their kids.

[Sierra]

Provocativa (what an apt name), you are not "hearing" what is being said.

Originally Posted by provocativa

please refrain from making assumptions about the lives of the poor.

You don't know the income level of any of us. Please refrain from making assumptions about whether any of us is "poor."

Unlike you, I do not state my exact financial position here. I have said that I am not financially well-off. That should be a clue for you to not assume that I am not poor or that I have never fostered while poor. The only person making assumptions in the last several posts is you.

Just because we aren't saying exactly what you are saying does not mean we are not poor or that we haven't been poor, or that we'll never understand.

I have fostered with a wide variety of income levels over a number of years. My experiences are wide ranging, and it is unfair of you to come in without having those experiences and assume you know more than I do.

I'm sharing a nuanced perspective from experience. I am NOT "making assumptions about the poor."

i didn't say my fridge was completely empty, never mentioned the cupboards, and there is a deep freezer here that has plenty of food.

I wasn't talking about your cupboards or your freezer. I was talking *from EXPERIENCE* about a fridge that is not empty, but in the EXACT state you described in your original post. This came from *your* description.

*From EXPERIENCE* I can tell you that a fridge that starts running low as you described can be a trigger for terror or panic for a number of foster children. While having the skills of being able to cope is a good thing, first there must be healing.

You don't get to decide what level is reasonable for the child's panic or terror. You don't get to decide, "as long as there is food to eat, they should be fine." When a kid freaks out everytime the mayo jar is less than half full, it doesn't really matter that there is plenty to eat. With foster kidos, healing comes first.

I am not JUDGING you. I am telling you what foster parenting is like, *from EXPERIENCE.* I am telling you what foster parenting while poor is like, *from EXPERIENCE.* That's not making assumptions...that is been there, done that.

One of the reasons I am not fostering right now is because of my financial position. My fridge tends to run emptier than I know is helpful for foster children. So while my own children are very well fed and it works out fine that (gasp) sometimes they have to eat something that wasn't their first or second choice, because of EXPERIENCE I know that I shouldn't put a foster child in that position.

but really, the thinking poor have other skills that the wealthy simply don't have- to secure childcare or a wardrobe on a budget, or handle special diets- (we are gluten free and sometimes casein free here). so maybe you couldn't be poor and be a foster parent, but folks who have the skills to survive and thrive while poor most likely do.

This feels patronizing. First, you are assuming that no one here is themselves poor, let alone "thinking poor." You are lecturing us without having taken the time to get to know us...which means you are preaching to the choir and in this case just sounds righteous. You are certainly lecturing me on stuff I already know.

Aside from assuming that because we aren't saying *EXACTLY* what you are that none of us must be poor, you are assuming that all people who do happen to have money have never been poor. Many folks have gone through lean times.

Honey, I know poverty personally and intimately. I know how to secure childcare (or do without) and a wardrobe on a budget, handle special diets on a budget (my son had many sensitivities as a baby and was gluten and dairy free for a while), and apply for food stamps, and the list goes on.

There is nothing you can tell me about being poor that I have not felt, eaten, and lived.

yes, i agree that other posters have disagreed with the premise that one must be rich to foster. but accusing someone of automatically shortchanging kids is revolting classism.

So direct your posts at the *one* person who said that.

Don't come in here, make sweeping generalizations about the rest of us, and go spouting self-righteous indignation everywhere at all the people who are responding thoughtfully and with way more knowledge, experience, and nuance than you have been able to demonstrate in your posts so far.

Originally Posted by junipermoon

you just have to be able to cover your own bills and be able to integrate the child into your lifestyle, whatever that lifestyle may be.

Originally Posted by MissinNYC

Depends on state, but in mine you have to be able to cover all your bills, plus 200 per month extra. And not be on any form of public assistance/food stamps, etc.

Provocativa, to be clear, these are the licensing requirements they are talking about. No one is saying anything about *you,* so please don't go about making assumptions here regarding all of us as a result of this information having been posted. This is just an honest report of actual laws.

Originally Posted by pumpkingirl71

You are angry because you say that others are making assumptions, but you are too.

Yes, thank you. Provocativa, you are the *only* one currently participating in the thread who is making assumptions.

Let me say again that there is a HUGE difference between making assumptions and talking about one's own experiences.

Your posts are hurtful to those of us who have struggled with these issues and lived to tell the tale. Please stop.

[sbrinton]

The USDA tracks average spending on children in several different categories, including food and clothing. This might be helpful in figuring out how "far" the stipend would go. http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/Expenditure...byFamilies.htm

I think it is reasonable to look at a portion of the stipend as contributing to household expenses the child would use - everything from utilities to toilet paper. But I wouldn't want to depend on the stipend to pay the bills.

In our house, we probably spend $25-50 per child per month on clothing, but we also have three boys who pass things down. If you had a child in your care who owned very few things, you might need to spend more like $50-100 a month - especially if you are in a colder climate. We've found that a toddler or preschool age child adds $100-150 to the grocery budget each month. I think it would be good to have enough to put the child in activities, sports, or classes.

You also mentioned going back to work - I don't know if that would help. Where we live, childcare costs for a toddler in full-time care easily add up to $800 or more a month.

[mran]

When we started fostering, our "daycare" bill - I'm a SAHM - went from maybe $50 a month to nearly $500 a month. Before, dh and I went out maybe once a month, but now, I have team meetings, court hearings, dr visits, specialist visits, home visits, etc. I've now got 2 young children with sensory issues that simply can't go to the grocery store without melting down, and it's just not worth it for them or me... and childcare for numerous small children (especially w/ special needs or behavioral issues) is expensive, between 10-15 an hour depending on which children I'm leaving. Depending on where I am going, I will normally take 1 child with me, and try to work in a special treat, a quick trip to the park or out for ice cream, or something similar, so atleast that's a benefit.

Our gas bill has also gone up considerably. FD's visits are 25 miles away - that's nearly $20 in gas each week... plus all of the other things I have to drive to.

There's also the formula expense (that's $160 a month, right now - and that's AFTER we use the WIC checks). Gym classes for children w/ sensory issues, etc...

The kids checks cover everything, but it isn't like there is a significant amount left over. And their expenses are significantly different than my bio childrens expenses.

[queenjane]

Depending on where you live, some of these expenses would be partially or fully covered. We get mileage reimbursement for birth family visits and medical visits etc, WIC (which would cover MOST of the formula needs for many kids), if you are spending loads of time running to appts, therapies, etc that are above and beyond what is typical for the average foster child you can apply for a higher pay rate (which can range from $5/day extra to a$15/day extra depending on how intense the needs), when a child comes into care you can get an initial clothing allowance which is enough to go buy a decent starter wardrobe, plus an additional 100 twice a year...its not a lot but goes pretty far at the resale shop. (of course i've had my son more than a year and have yet to see a clothing check so you cant depend on these things!) Here, foster children will have their daycare paid for by the state, i'm told. There are also lots of things you can try to access for your FC, free classes, camps, that sort of thing, i think you just kind of have to look for it.


I also dont get the assumption that there arent poor moms on here. I'm a single mom of four kids and while i think we dont "want" for anything, we certainly fall into the low income catagory (qualify for free lunch, medicaid, etc.)

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by queenjane

Depending on where you live, some of these expenses would be partially or fully covered.

Yep, it all depends so much on where you are. Here is what we used to get in our old location:

We get mileage reimbursement for birth family visits and medical visits etc,

We only got mileage for single trips over a certain distance. As in, if your kid's urologist was 60 miles away (which can easily happen...it can be a real challenge to find specialists who take medicaid), every time you go there it is reimburseable. But let's say you easily drive 60 miles every week to doctors in your own town, and the towns near you, if each of those trips was under the reimburseable mileage, you couldn't get reimbursed even though you drove the same amount.

Can't remember what the distance was, maybe 20-30 miles one-way?? Because of the setup of our region, the foster care office was in another town, but travel to visits there was not reimburseable because it fell just within the limits of non-reimburseable. This was also true for the only dentist office that would accept medicaid was in another town, etc. etc.

WIC (which would cover MOST of the formula needs for many kids)

My son had food sensitivities and I found it impossible, while we were in the loooong process of finding a formula that worked, to keep up with the doctor's paperwork for WIC to get those "odd" formulas covered. Since at the time they also didn't cover formulas with DHA and ARA, and the WIC office folks were *awful* to me, I quit WIC. Because ds was on some super expensive formulas for a while, it cost me an arm and a leg. But yeah, most of the time WIC works out great.

if you are spending loads of time running to appts, therapies, etc that are above and beyond what is typical for the average foster child you can apply for a higher pay rate

After about a dozen kidos in and out of my home, I realized that unless a kid was classified as therapeutic level (which really was reserved for the most extreme cases), it was impossible to ever get requests approved for more money in that state. I definitely had kids I had to run all over the place -- among other things -- for whom I was never compensated above the standard level for the age group, despite having made the case to the compensation assessor.

when a child comes into care you can get an initial clothing allowance which is enough to go buy a decent starter wardrobe, plus an additional 100 twice a year...its not a lot but goes pretty far at the resale shop. (of course i've had my son more than a year and have yet to see a clothing check so you cant depend on these things!)

Where I was, the kid received a $200 allowance when they first came into foster care, but not with each move to a new foster home. This was problematic because foster parents didn't always follow the rules about sending all the kid's stuff with them...so sometimes kids would arrive with nothing, and their $200 initial in-care allowance had already been spent. However, I think you can apply for an additional allowance in emergency cases if needed and get $50 or maybe $100.

Here, foster children will have their daycare paid for by the state, i'm told.

That was true where we were as well, though I know in some states a lot of the childcare providers make you pay the difference between the state-amount and what they normally charge. It might have not been legal to do that in our state...I don't know...we just never had a problem.

However, we still had some childcare costs and issues.

For example, we've had kidos who were not allowed into childcare due to behavioral issues, or kidos who couldn't handle childcare. Those situations were problematic because you basically have to hire a state-approved specialized careprovider, who isn't allowed to receive payments from the state because the state will only pay licensed facilities. This means you pay out of pocket, and for specialized careproviders, the cost is often huge. That's part of why, I think, therapeutic care kids get a higher payment, but even the therapeutic rate wouldn't stretch anywhere near far enough in my previous state to cover childcare...and of course the kids needed the money for other stuff too.

Also, babysitters are not paid by the state, so that one-time care to have a datenight or whatever is of course covered by you, the foster parent and/or the child's reimbursement payment.

There are also lots of things you can try to access for your FC, free classes, camps, that sort of thing, i think you just kind of have to look for it.

Where we lived we got some discounts (10% off children's museum, etc.), but I didn't find a lot for free. Believe me, we inquired a LOT. But I remember, for example, even sending a kid to a REALLY expensive summer drama program that gave no discount at all...but the state wanted us to send him there because he had a relationship with the company, so, well, we did. I think that may be different in my new state though. I've heard of more free stuff here.

[pumpkingirl71]

I can't stop thinking about this thread! I am still pretty conflicted about the care my daughter got while she was a foster child. She lived in a foster home of all medically involved kids. Her foster parents made A LOT of money. But didn't they deserve it? I am still not sure how I feel about the fact they went on a really nice two week vacation every year, because it meant the kids had to go into respite. BUT I don't doubt that they deserved the vacation and I am happy they could afford it with their income from fostering.

[heatherdeg]

Wow... All I can say to provocativa is that you have made a LOOOOOOOT of assumptions about people on this thread... most notably that all of us are involved in a forum where mothers unite because we value many of the same things you noted that you are doing with your own children, and yet you spew those things out as if none of us value those things...?

Frankly, whether you're rich or poor--how do you actually know what skills the other side has or has not?

Originally Posted by provocativa

the most famous foster parent and fostering advocate here obviously has a bit of money left over at the end of the month, since he has no other job but fostering a few kids- but afaik his mortage is likely paid off, so he doesn't have that expense.

Who exactly is the "most famous foster parent and fostering advocate here"?

Originally Posted by junipermoon

you just have to be able to cover your own bills and be able to integrate the child into your lifestyle, whatever that lifestyle may be.

...and incorporating a child who is not your relative to do so can cost you more money. Foster kids don't get to join the Y or it's classes/activities for free here (because the Y thinks fps "get enough money" for the $70 youth membership PLUS the $122 fencing class that is the only non-team sport you can enroll your ODD, bipolar, socially incapable 12yo foster son in to make him feel like HE has an activity, too--because local recreation only has team sports )

[marsupial-mom]

I've been thinking about it some more and now that we have most supplies and a routine and a child who doesn't require any special doctor visits... There is a bit left over.

But here's the real crux of the issue: you can't count on having extra money.

Every kid is different, every situation is unique. Our fist foster kid was expensive because it was all so new to us. We had to get all the stuff: crib, stroller, carseat, etc. You can't count on a certain size or exact age, so you're supposed to have a little on hand for your age group (example: diapers in every size). I really tried to be frugal and I got a lot of toys and clothes used, but car seats and cribs need to be new.

Our first baby came with a schedule. Literally something everyday: doctors, family visitation, court, etc. All that driving around all day meant there was no way I could get work done. Foster parenting is... Unpredictable.

And the checks come a month after. And it usually takes a little while for benefits like WIC to kick in.

There might be money left over, there might not. You can't count on it to pay any of your bills.

[hannahgrace]

Originally Posted by marsupial-mom

But here's the real . Foster parenting is... Unpredictable.

And the checks come a month after. And it usually takes a little while for benefits like WIC to kick in.

There might be money left over, there might not. You can't count on it to pay any of your bills.

I totally I agree!! I stated earlier, that we do have a lot left over each month. But that is MOST months. With my medical kids, that might mean we spend 6 weeks in a hospital over an hour from my house. When that happens, the cost of gas, parking (9/day at the hosptial) food, childcare, ect. go through the roof!

Pumpkin, I dont know your situation with having a child in care....and her foster parents and their motives, ect. But for me, we have 2 high medical babies. We are getting respite for 3 days this coming weekend. Going away to recharge - its a must with these high need kids - and court, and CASA's, and visits, and many many appointments and therapies. Just my perspective.