WWYD if the NCP had his/her license suspended?

[blessedwithboys]

My exdh hasn't made a child support payment since the end of 12/09. He lost his job after his family Baker Acted him. I have tried, really, really tried, to be understanding, but his replacement wife and I are on good terms and she tells me constantly how he simply refuses to go look for a job. She accepts that he is mentally ill, she's with him every day and swears he is just refusing to get a job. I don't know what to believe, but a month ago I asked the state to get involved and begin enforcement.

So far they have put a lein on his tax refunds. This won't help me because he hasn't worked all year, and probably won't between now and December, so there will be no refund.

Next they put a block on any potential passport application. Again, no help. This man doesn't take the initiate to get up off the couch and shower daily. Is he really likely to get on a plane and leave the country? And with no income, how the heck would he even afford the ticket? LOL

So I called the Dept. of Revenue and asked what was next. His DL was set to be suspended on 8-15-10, but that was Sunday. I just checked it online and it is expired, but not suspended. I believe he may have a bit more time, because his wife told me last week that they got approved for an extension on hs unemployment compensation. I got 40% of his lump-sum retroactive payment, which is about $900. It wil come in handy, but he'll still owe me about $5k. And of the $100+/wk he is supposed to be paying, UEC will only send me $55.

I think this big payment will forestall the suspension, but not for long. I asked him what his plans were to transport ds after losing his license. (Where we live, it's an arrestable offense to drive on a suspended license. All he needs is for a break light to go out without realizing, and the officer who pulls him over can, and will, arrest him. I don't want my son to have to go through something like that.) He said his wife would do it. Ummm, she is 39w1d as of this moment. I already talked to her about it, and it ain't happening! Understandably, of course. Plus she has a 20mo baby and 4 older kids, too. Only #'s 5 and 6 are his, and he does little enough for them; he certainly isn't going to pitch in more with her older 4 kids just so she can drive across town to chauffeur his kid.

I am not sure I want to do it either. I may just break down and do it for the sake of ds, but I drive a very MDC-unapproved SUV and don't feel like using the gas, NTM hand-holding a grown man.

So then exdh says his mom will do it. I guess he forgot our order prohibits her from being alone with ds, for various well-grounded reasons. She lives just a mile from me and would have to go across town to get my ex and then come back for ds, then drive them home EO Friday, and then do it in reverse on Sunday. She works and takes care of her 94 yo mother. She isn't going to be able to do too much.

And then when I ask one more time, gently, what his plan is, he yells at me that I need to stop putting up so many roadblocks for him.

WWYD? I could probably refuse to let him take ds. He has no money to file a Motion for Contempt. I'd rather do it legally, though. Can I take him back to court to get something saying he can't drive with ds in the car?

Would anyone else care abou this, or would most people just go with the staus quo? I do tend to overreact sometimes...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Sounds tricky. BUT - if you know that he has a suspended license, I don't think its wise to let him pick up your DS if he's driving. I would let him figure out the transportation, and if he doesn't he doesn't get ds.

I don't think a judge would hold you responsible if you refused to allow him to put your child in a car with someone with a suspended license. At least I would hope not.

ETA - maybe you can split transportation? Like, he arranges for pick-up in whatever way he's capable of doing it, and you can then do the driving on DS's way home? That way you know he's in a safe car on the return trip, and if the pick-up never happens you don't have to drive at all?

You could also tell ex that he can have visitation at a park near you (walking distance so no one has to drive). Again, sounds like a tricky situation, but if you get creative you might be able to come up with a solution that works for you.

[Xerxella]

I WOULD NOT let my son ride in a car with someone who's license is suspended. You're right. XH is going to get arrested sooner or later and your son will be forced to witness that. Your son would be transported to the police station in a police car and you would have to pick him up there. No child needs to experience that. If he wants to visit and makes appropriate arrangements for son to be picked up and dropped off, then fine.

I don't know the legal ins and outs of child custody, so I can't tell you what you should do. I tend to think I'd NOT go through the courts to have them tell him (again) that he can't drive a car. But, I really don't know much about that.

[hillymum]

If he is not legal to drive and his wife is not willing or able to collect your son then he doesnt get to have his visitation.

Question for you, how did you get the order to prohibit his mom from being alone with ds? My sbx is staying at his parents on his visitation weekends and I really do not want the kids left there without sbx there. His father is an alcoholic bully. His mom is nice, but is co-dependent to an extreme. My sbx looks out for the kids when he is there but he leaves one or more of the boys there without him on a regular basis which I would like to stop.

[vocalise]

I think I would suggest he pick up my child in a cab. If he's not willing to shell out the money for that (or at least public transportation), then too bad, he misses the visit.

I would probably be doing half the transportation, though (picking up), just on principle.

[MariesMama]

BTDT mama! I told ex that he needed to find a ride, that I wasn't able to provide 100% of the transportation for his visits. (I stopped giving him rides when we were actually together and happy, so it wasn't a surprise to him.)

Our informal transportation agreement was that he would pick DD up for visitation and I would pick her up at the end, and that a safe, not-recalled, not-expired car seat would be used no matter what.

People who want to see their kids will find a way. People who don't want to, or think that they do but aren't committed, will find an excuse. It's not your responsibility for you to come up with suggestions for him to see your child, so relax and let him figure it out.

[Earthy Mama]

My xp only sees our dds when his mom goes and picks him up. He lives about 30-45 minutes from me so he makes his sick mother drive 45 min there and back twice in a weekend.
I enabled him for years by doing all the driving to drop them off with him. I stopped about a year ago. (he lost his lisc. for DUI so I don't want the kids in the car with him even if he WAS licensed!!)

[Goodmom2008]

You would not be in contempt of court for refusing to let your ex pick up the kids when he is the only driver in the vehicle if he does not have a valid drivers license. Now if his wife or another family member/friend who is licensed is doing the driving, then the above doesn't apply.

[Pariah]

My ex's license is currently suspended and there's not a chance he will take our son. If he gets pulled over (which wouldn't be shocking, he's an awful driver and this isn't the first time his license has been suspended) and arrested, what happens to my son? Where does he go? How long does it take me to get notified, where will he be in the meantime, and who will he be with? There are so many uncertainties and I refuse to put my son in that situation. In my case, my ex's license is suspended because of unpaid tickets and skipped court dates. Not my problem. If he wanted visitation bad enough, he would take care of his responsibilities.