anxiety: talk about school starting soon or keep it low-key?

[MomFromAway]

I have another anxiety question. I am torn about what to do with preparing my new Kindergartener for school. I can see the argument for talking about it to help him prepare and try to excite him and make him feel confident that he will do well, but on the other hand, I also feel like the more time he spends thinking about it ahead of time the more likely he is to freak out about it.

Does anyone have experience/advice?

Thanks.

[Peony]

We went through this last year. I choose not to talk about it with DD1, I had told her in the spring that she was going to go to school in the fall and then dropped the subject. She was going into 1st grade and had been hsed up until then. For me DD1, I knew that if I did try to prepare her, walk her through what to expect, the anxiety would of been too great. About 1.5 weeks before school started, I arranged for her to meet her teacher, go into her classroom and look around. We spent about 45 minutes doing that, it was wonderful for DD1. This teacher and school was very understanding about her anxiety, she got to pick out her desk at that point which gave her a purpose on the first day of school instead of milling around and worrying.

Right before her school starts, they have an evening ice cream social which we also went to. It allowed her to meet other children, talk to the teacher again, and see that all the children were having fun. School was not a horrid place like she had been thinking it was going to be. Often schools will have an event like that before school starts, I would check to see if your school does something like that.

ETA: DD1 did wonderful in school BTW. She bonded with the teacher and was her shadow for the entire year. Everyone in class loved her. This year, she is so excited to go back.

[LynnS6]

How would he react to reading stories about kids' first day of school? There are a large number of books out there for kids who are starting school because it's somewhat anxiety producing for a lot of kids. The question for your child is whether these books will backfire for your son. Your librarian might have some recommendations.

A quick google search turned up this list.

One of my favorite books deals with this anxiety, it's called: Wemberly Worried.

I would second seeing if you can go to school and meet the teacher, and take a tour before it starts.

[Rose-Roget]

I kept it low key until about a week before, and then I mentioned that school was starting the following week. I wrote a couple of social stories about it to help him know what to expect. We read through those a few times, but I didn't make a really big deal out of it because I knew the anxiety of it would build.

Oh yeah, but I did take him to the school playground a couple of times during the summer so that he'd be excited over it and have some connection to the school before starting.

[Heavenly]

Would the school be open to a visit in advance so that he has a chance to see the classroom, school, playground and to meet the teacher? My youngest has anxiety problems and is starting kindergarten. My oldest is starting a new school and has anxiety disorder. We are going into the school a week early and picking a desk, meeting the teachers, etc. I think it will be really helpful for them. There will still be anxiety I'm sure, but I'm hopeful this will aleviate some of it.

[MomFromAway]

Thank you for the responses.

He will be returning for K to the small independent school where he attended preschool. 7 or 8 of the 11 students in his class are from his preschool class. The preschool and K classes often play together outside, so he knows the K teacher already.

This is as gentle a transition as I could hope for. (I cannot IMAGINE sending this kid to the local public K.)

Still, he is saying he doesn't want to go. We are having a K-only meet the teacher/picnic this afternoon. Doesn't want to go. There is a whole-school meet the teacher day next week (~90 kids, I think), which we will skip. I have only mentioned school with respect to specific positive things, like getting new rain boots, etc. They came in the mail today so I'm hoping I can get him excited about taking them to store in his cubby this afternoon.

[jillmamma]

Could you arrange a playdate or a time to meet and play at the park with some of his school friends? Maybe having fun with friends might help him remember familiar faces and be more excited about seeing those specific people again at school?

[MomFromAway]

There happens to be a classmate's birthday party (his favorite classmate, no less) tomorrow, so he may get that opportunity to renew interest in friends. That's a good thought.

Meet the teacher day was a success in the end, but it was 30 minutes of crying before he would go in the building. We wound up going in to play a game from the after-care room instead of going in to see the K classroom. But once he got in the building, we gently moved into the K classroom and then to the potluck and playground outside afterward. In the end, he was fine. Hope the good vibe holds for the first day of school. :