my 8yo son brings out the WORST in me... - Page 2

[Tanya Barclay]

Hey there... I have a 7 year old girl but your post is exactly what I've been dealing with as well...  I get so angry with her and say things to her like i'm going to let her father deal with her and she can live with him and see me on visits. I really feel like I may be teetering on the brink of insanity and I wonder how this child came to be.  I love her so much and would do anything for her but I seem to be the one she hates the most.  She says she hates me daily, isn't afraid to hit me or kick me... has no respect for her things or other peoples things.... I really want to see the nice child people always tell me she is.  As soon as i'm present she grows horns and pushes me to a limit i've never been to.  I was never disrespectful or angry as a child... i would never do the things she has done.... one of those things in killing a hamster and being fine with it, jumping on the dog or sitting on her, throwing the cat...etc etc... I'm so far gone right now that I don't know what else to do besides let her dad raise her.  she is the only child i'll ever have I'm sure, and I think that I'm doing a terrible job at being her mom....maybe i'm not meant to be a parent.  |Right now i feel like maybe i should just not be at all.  My father died 3 years ago..my mom says i look like a retard and my kid hates me... not much left.  I honestly just want to dissapear and let my daughter and mother live a happy life without me.... i feel like i'm backed in a corner and there is no way out... i cry as i write this because i know the pain a death can cause people, in the long run i think everyone is better off without me... my hope is very dim... i'm at a loss

[stacyyork]

Thanks for such brutal honesty in posting.  A few things come to mind.  First, where is he at emotionally?  Sometimes we confuse emotional versus chronological age.  You mentioned that attachment parenting didn't happen for this little guy until later in life.  He may be having the emotional needs of a 4 year old or 6 year old, or even a 2 year old.  That can be really confusing when you have 3 younger kids.  He may leave you to go to his dad's house and be in the space of an 8 year old boy, but come home in the space of 3 year old.  These emotional needs have to be attended to.  So, that means give him extra love, connection, and attention during this time.  Also, does he have pics of you at dad's house and pics of dad at your house?  Kids go through what is called "loyalty issues."  Even if your son knows in his head that he doesn't have to choose between loving you and your husband, he may not feel that way in his heart.  Sitting down and talking through this with him can be helpful.  Also, a great therapist is one who you feel good about, who has a great connection with your son, and who knows that you are the expert on your kiddo.  Also, I have a family meeting agenda that I use with many clients.  I would be happy to share it with anyone who PMs me.

Good luck!