Can someone tell me what PPD Symptoms can be?

[Mommie020307]

I never suffered from it but i think my brother's girlfriend is REALLY REALLY BAD...

Their baby was born on July 16th. She returned to work on August 14th cause she couldn't handle the baby crying anymore.

My brother is up feeding her at night and changing her diapers.

His GF get's frustrated when Kyla is crying and she posts negative feed about it on Facebook and she get's positive responses...like her friends are all on her side and blah blah blah....

When she was in the hospital she was texting her friends asking them if she was going to be a good mom...of course they wrote her back saying yes you will be a great mom. I, however, don't feel that way. I feel like her returning back to work so quickly is like abandoning her baby in a way. My brother told her she didn't need to go back to work. This is what she wanted though.

in the next couple of weeks my brother has to go to NJ for his work (he will be leaving from Portland, Me and Flying into an airport in NJ. He cannot take the baby with him of course. I am afraid of what might happen while my brother is gone. My fear is she will get so frustrated that she will either leave her in the bedroom all day long and let her cry or worst shake her.

Don't get me wrong i think my brother is being a great father to his little girl, her mother on the other hand is being something else and she just needs to step up to the plate and be a MOTHER. They lost power last week and his GF tweaked out and the laptop went flying almost hit the wall. She was Upset that the power went out. WTH?

I am going on my 4th pregnancy (about 94% complete) and I have not ever suffered from PPD....Not to say that I won't this time, who knows...but man...this is really really bugging me that something bad might happen.

[MeepyCat]

So I was floating along thinking, eh, no big, that's a lot of judgment you're heaping on your brother's partner, and then we hit the thing about throwing the laptop.

That is irrational behavior, and it makes me worry for her ability to cope with, well, anything. Also, you say she tweaked out, and I don't know if you're using the term hyperbolically, if you're saying she was doing meth. If the latter, this picture is very different.

I will say, however, and I do not think it can be said loudly and clearly enough: If you are going to help this family - your brother, his partner, and their daughter - you need, first, to wind way down on the judgment.

When to return to work is a personal decision, made on the basis of a number of tangible and intangible factors. It's pretty notable that your bro, on the verge of a business trip, is a "good father", and his partner, working and coming home at night, is "abandoning her baby." Presumably their child is in someone's care while they work - she hasn't been abandoned.

I have complained about my crying children in all sorts of places, including large swaths of the internet, and received sympathetic responses from friends and family. And newborns at this stage - particularly if they are colicky - can be very frustrating to deal with.

Tell your brother not to leave town right now. Things are too unstable at home - the baby is so young, and they haven't established a groove that works, and then there's that laptop-throwing incident that makes you worry that his partner isn't in the best of places emotionally. He should cancel the trip. And HE - not you, he - needs to talk to her about what led up to the throwing of the laptop, because that is just not acceptable behavior, period.

Remind him that FMLA leave is available to fathers as well as to mothers, and that if his partner and his baby need him, he should not hesitate to take that leave. (He should, however, request it from his employer in writing.)

I often recommend "The Happiest Baby on the Block" (by Harvey Karp) to new parents, because it has extremely helpful suggestions for dealing with infant crying. There's also a DVD. You might point your brother in that direction.

[pitter_patter]

I totally agree with MeepyCat.

[kmeyrick]

If this had happened in my family, the FIRST thing I would have mentioned as a cause for concern was throwing the lap top. The fact that it was deep in the post after a bunch on innocent things (like a father feeding a baby at night) makes me wonder how true/valid the laptop thing was. The rest of it came across as unkind judgment towards a new mom. Never had PPD? It doesn't sound like you have. I might reserve judgment for a while.

[treeoflife3]

I think it is really important to state that having PPD does not make one a bad mother. Far from it in fact. Perhaps a mother who needs more help, but definitely not a BAD mother.

You need to be very careful about how you word things and how you express your perception of someone you think may have PPD because it is far too easy to turn it into mother blaming with little compassion.

I think it is great that you are concerned enough to ask for the PPD symptoms and just want the best for your brother and his family, but not having had PPD yourself, it can be hard to understand just how scary and difficult it is to deal with. If she does have PPD, she probably has enough mother blaming and guilt in her anyway to not need anyone else's.

Definitely take a step back and reconsider the situation. Talk to your brother calmly and rationally about your concerns, with special attention to the laptop incident. Irrational behavior and rage are symptoms of PPD so that incident is definitely something to look at. However, wanting to go back to work and feeling unable to do nighttime parenting don't necessarily have to be a sign of PPD. Her inability to deal with the crying also doesn't have to be PPD either. Infant crying is specifically designed to really grate so it can't be ignored and can cause a huge emotional response in a mom, especially a new first time mom who might have had visions of perfectly quiet and happy babies who mostly just sleep and poop. It is a lot to take in and adjust to while she heals and COULD be PPD, or it could just be her working through it for now.

Make sure your feelins of her, if negative, aren't clouding your opinion of her ability to mother. Make sure her decisions and opinions on parenting, if different than yours, aren't why you feel she might have PPD. Make sure you are only truly concerned and just want to show her compassion and get her help so that she might enjoy her child more.

[kcparker]

If she does have PPD, or is just a young, overwhelmed mother, what she needs pretty badly is nonjudgmental social support. I know you have your own kids, but if you can go help her once a week, or send your mother, and/or get your brother to hire a postpartum doula or something to help her out, it will be all to the good.

Please try to be sympathetic - transitioning to being a mother is HARD for some people. If she had mixed emotions about being pregnant, conflict about giving up working or not, her body changing, having to be less self-centered and more responsible for this other person's every need, she may be feeling a lot of inner turmoil, trying to reconcile the loss of her 'old life' with the adoption of new roles. Some women are the "born to be a mommy" types, and for others, there is often less unadulterated joy and many more negative emotions attached to becoming a mother. And not everybody comes to parenting fully done with their own maturation process.

Model gentle parenting for her, ask if she needs help with food preparation, somebody to watch baby while she takes a shower or even has an afternoon to herself. Maybe mention to either her or your brother that the 6 week postpartum visit to the care provider should include a screening for PPD, but that it can kick in any time in the first year. They should know the warning signs and DO something before she slips into a deep depression if she's headed that way.

If the infant is crying excessively, you could suggest chiropractic treatment, food sensitivities, babywearing, the 5 S's that Harvey Karp outlines as potential ways to remedy the crying.

And to respond to your initial query:
PPD can manifest as lethargy/fatigue, anhedonia, negative self-talk or feelings of guilt or worthlessness, self-harm, thoughts of harming self or baby, irrational fear of baby being injured or dying, excessive sleeping or insomnia, extreme irritability, feelings of hopelessness, lack of desire to interact with the baby, anxiety, bouts of weeping for no apparent reason. Basically, you feel like you have gone to hell in a handbasket at what is supposed to be a very happy time of life.

[cycle]

Originally Posted by kmeyrick

If this had happened in my family, the FIRST thing I would have mentioned as a cause for concern was throwing the lap top. The fact that it was deep in the post after a bunch on innocent things (like a father feeding a baby at night) makes me wonder how true/valid the laptop thing was. The rest of it came across as unkind judgment towards a new mom. Never had PPD? It doesn't sound like you have. I might reserve judgment for a while.

I agree. The laptop throwing would have been the first thing I said in this post. OP, have you offered to help (in a nonjudgmental way)? Have you asked if she needs anything? You both live in ME, so are you close enough to visit? Maybe offer to be there if she needs anything when your brother is gone? Make dinners for them and take them over? Go over and help with laundry? Have you done anything but come here and post what really just seems like another judgmental post about someone else's parenting.

[LifeIZBeautiful]

I'm just going to say what others have said here. But, I'd also add that, if you do feel this way toward her, it may be best for you to steer clear of her as your attitude may make her feel much worse. What she needs now is judgement-free support, mama.

[terra-pip]

I agree...if this mom does have PPD, "stepping up to the plate and being a MOTHER"...is not the sort of comments/opinions that will help. Far from it.

[TCMoulton]

Originally Posted by Mommie020307

I feel like her returning back to work so quickly is like abandoning her baby in a way. My brother told her she didn't need to go back to work. This is what she wanted though.

Just because a woman decides to return to work, whatever the reason may be, DOES NOT mean that she is abandoning her child.

Honestly, if you are unable to help this new mom in a non judgemental way it might be best if you keep your distance while she adjusts to being a mom.

[USAmma]

I have suffered from PPD and had a very sick baby who cried a lot and did not feed (ended up on a feeding tube). There were times I had to put her (crying and all) in he bouncer, shut the door, and go to the other end of the house to breathe through it. It can be very very hard.

I really think that going back to work might be the best thing for this mama. She knows her limits and maybe the routine of work will help lift her out of her mood. Not everyone is a great mom, emotionally balanced, etc. It sounds like she needs some counseling. When the brother goes out of town, this mom will need a lot of support, as her confidence as a capable mom is probably shot at this point.

[Munchkinmaker]

I have 4 boys, oldest is 10, twins that are 6 and my youngest turns 4 this weekend... By far the hardest thing I've gone through as a mom so far was bringing home my first baby. I didn't plan to be pregnant and start a family at the time. Motherhood was something I was thrown into. My son was a very high needs baby & was diagnosed as "colicky" at the time (AKA I have no idea why your infant screams morning noon and night and doesn't sleep for more than 10-20 minutes at a time). Twins were far less of a test of my parental endurance, same with bringing home another newborn when they turned two and my oldest was 6.

I know a first baby isn't hard for everyone, I've watched friends and family flourish in their first year of parenthood. But having BTDT with a difficult first baby and feeling like I was barely keeping my head above water (and I didn't have PPD) I can tell you that it's incredibly difficult. Just trust me on this one LOL! The last thing I personally would have needed was someone second guessing my choices, critiquing my parenting & judging how I was managing to cope with the situation. Every child, mother and family is unique. Those differences, along with boundaries need to be respected.

Do you ever have a hard time being a passenger in a car? I know when I'm sitting in the passenger seat my mind is constantly going "Well, I wouldn't have taken that corner like that, I wouldn't have merged then, isn't it a little soon to turn that blinker on." but when it gets right down to it, the driver didn't break any laws and we arrived safely. Sure, I'd speak up if they were about to careen into a pedestrian or they missed a red light but otherwise I give the driver their space to do their thing. Otherwise, harping on every detail of their driving could end up causing an accident or getting me kicked out of the car.

Just because things are not exactly how you would picture doing things doesn't make it wrong or even dangerous. Be a friend, be helpful and if something is really wrong you'll be close enough to this new mom to provide the proper support.

[terra-pip]

yes agree 100% I've never had PPD proper...but I have had a lot of symptoms and feelings that are like PPD. For what it's worth I think a mom is lying if she says that she feels great and every thing is hunky dory...it never is! Every mom feels tired, angry, overwhelmed, sad, frustrated, burnt out, wanting to just run away...all over the map emotionally at some points more or less.

It basically comes down to support...if this new momma needs some help or if she's really a peice of work is not for strangers online to make a call about. But what every mom DOES need and what strangers online can say is that as a new mom she deserves nonjudgemental support and encouragement.

[MamaMem]

nak
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http://www.testandcalc.com/etc/tests/edin.asp

[Mommie020307]

ok to get back to some of what you guys said...things got a little better after she went back to work....my brother didn't end up having to go to NJ for work...instead they sent him to West Palm Beach in Fl....he and GF and baby went with him...GF quit her job at work cause when she was pregnant with baby she had lots of morning sickness and was out of work a lot...they stacked the points on her when she returned back to work.
But anyways...Last weekend my mom invited them over for a visit...and she was bashing my brother verbally and my brother is a good guy, he's a great father. She hit him when he was holding the baby..she called him a douchebag cause he didn't want to drive to go see her mother (lives about 2 hours from his house) he works for a bank and get's paged at all hours of the night and didn't want to be out all night long. She has a car and can drive and doesn't need to depend on my brother to cart her around. My brother went to go take a look at my mom's PC while they were there and SHE tells my mom that she's going to leave my brother and take the baby with her. UGH. So don't tell me to BACK off with what i was saying in the beginning...Something is going on and my brother is going to be the one who get's hurt in the end.

Oh and when i had my baby(last month) she told my brother to not even come see me at the hospital... My brother came with Kyla to see me(we have different rules at our hospital) siblings and any child as long as its not flu season can come visit

My brother's GF doesn't like me and probably never will and i have no idea why cause i keep my comments about her to myself except for posting on here or babycenter...she removed me as a friend on FB when i found out i was pregnant (jealous? who knows)

Anyways...I guess that's the rest of the story.