Tiny bit worried how DS will do at co-op

[zebaby]

I'll be starting co-op this fall with a few friends. Meeting twice per week and included trips. We've come up with a curriculum for the year using thematic units. We're hoping to include some Montessori stations as well. I'm very excited to see how everything works out.

My concern is how DS will cooperate. Although we are taking a very relaxed approach, the other kids have already started learning to write their names, numbers, etc. DS knows his letter sounds, but has no interest in writing, drawing yes, writing no. Plus, when it comes to crafts, he simply refuses to participate in front of others. Not sure if he's just being shy, or perfectionist, or just contrary. Also, if I lead a song or lesson, he'll try to stop me either by distraction, or simply trying to cover my mouth with his hands!

I totally don't mind DS going at his own pace, doing things that interest him, but I can't help but worry about what the others will think and/or if they will be annoyed by his refusal to participate. I'd also hate for him to end up influencing the other kids to quit what they are doing.

Any advice?

[Lisa1970]

My son, who is 2.5 yrs older than yours, can write his name. It is not the best handwriting. That is about the end of what he can do for writing.

He went to public school last year and I was told at the end of year conference that he is right on track and he, in fact, does very well and is a little ahead. I had a hard time believing that, but the teacher assured me that he was one of her better students. We live in a nice area with top rated schools (but I still don't use them) so it is not like he is at a "disadvantaged" school only being compared to "disadvantaged" populations.

I think your son is fine. Plus, you might find that some of the children you think can do all they say he can do, cannot really do it. I have a son who is almost 16 and then children all ages below that. I think that a parent whose child is NOT doing something is more likely going to claim they are than the other way around.

[astra]

Wish I had some advice, but we are in a similar situation. So I can totally relate to this post!

We are going to do a once a week co-op here, and I'm already keeping my fingers crossed that he will be able to handle that! Our is more like two classes, so he will be expected to sit with the other kids and participate. My boy tends to be quite shy. I am wondering if I should have saved myself some money and waited until next year to do it. haha. Ours starts in the beginning of Sept, so I guess I will see how it goes then!

[skueppers]

Have you discussed your concerns with your friends?

It's been my experience that kids who don't want to do what the group is doing can be disruptive and cause the rest of the group to stop doing what they would otherwise have been happy to do. For what it's worth, I've also seen it be either more or less of a problem if the parent is there- some kids are more willing and able to go along with the group if their parent is present, others if the parent is not there.

Whether this is a problem depends on the group and the other parents.

[skueppers]

Oh, and my son, who is about the same age as yours, does not write, and barely draws.

My daughter could write her name and loved drawing at that age.

[zebaby]

It's good to hear that DS seems pretty normal with his writing.

As far as disruptive, I think there is certainly potential, but not to the point where it will most likely happen every time.

I hadn't considered the possibility of being away for certain activities. I'm thinking maybe I could be busy preparing for a different activity while he works on something with another mama and the kids. It might just work. Sometimes I do wonder if he doesn't want to do something because he's afraid I'll correct him or that I won't like the way he's doing it. I don't think I'm a terrible nag, but I'm just trying to see it from his point of view.

As far as what the other kids can do, I have actually seen one of them write letters with ease. He was also drawing pretty well at 2.5. The other child is starting to write letters, many needing a lot of work, but at least trying and interested.

DS did pretend to write a book today though. It was really the first time he's mentioned writing "letters". Maybe he got motivated seeing his friends write. I'm hoping that will be the case in general when it comes to things he hasn't tried. I'd rather they be a positive influence on each other rather than a negative one.

I will definitely talk to my friends about it, I'd just like to offer some ideas before bringing it up. Keep the ideas coming!

[skueppers]

Originally Posted by zebaby

As far as disruptive, I think there is certainly potential, but not to the point where it will most likely happen every time.

Incidentally, what I meant by "disruptive" is that even if your child is sitting quietly in a corner playing with Legos, other children may be distracted by the mere fact that there is a child present who isn't going along with what the group is doing. Then they may wander over and decide they'd rather be doing something else, too. I didn't mean that your son would necessarily be making lots of noise and running around.

That has certainly been my experience with preschool co-op groups. If everyone was in the mood to participate, things like circle time went well. If even one child didn't want to, the whole thing tended to fall apart much sooner than it would have otherwise.

Of course, all the parents may be fine with this and accept it as part of doing things with preschoolers!

[zebaby]

Skueppers, I totally understand what you mean. On one hand, I would make every effort to remove DS to another room completely, on the other hand, the moms in the group lean toward unschooling, and believe in allowing the children to choose what to participate in and what they wish to put aside.

Personally, I feel in a co-op setting it is impossible to completely unschool since a co-op is basically a miniature school-like setting. I'm thinking I will make an effort to talk a lot about needing to participate and at least try things when we meet for co-op, almost like a going to school type of talk.

I did address some issues with my mama friends. They are supportive of working together to help the children work the best the can.