Originally Posted by heartmama
Oh I see now what you mean--but I honestly read it differently! I would have paused it because 1) I don't like talking over the tv and 2) if my ds had caught a glimpse of the TV it would have been 10x harder for him to move on as smoothly to whatever else he was supposed to do. And in this case since her child can't have a bath in front of the tv and they might have rules about keeping snacks in the kitchen--I thought mom hitting pause until her son walked through the room was her way of facilitating what her son was doing--pausing the tv until he was out of the room. Kind of like being respectful of the fact that he was there, but not to watch tv, so why flaunt it in his face in a sense--like pausing it when someone answers the phone or the door. Does that make sense? That was how I read it.
for both posts. I also dislike talking over the TV, so much that I am currently waiting on DH to MOVE IT and we will only have a portable one that comes in *sometimes.*
Yes, it was intended as a way to keep from totally rubbing it in his face that he wasn't going to be watching TV that night.
And several have said that I'm still 'controlling' them...I agree with at least one, possibly more people that this is my *job.* But what I'm doing is moving away from total attempt to control *them* physically and their choices, and into exerting my control as the parent over the *environment*--the choices I make available to them, the routine we typically have, things like that.
We do have a consistent evening routine--and I've moved from waiting until it's absolutely urgent to come inside NOW, and then chasing, dragging, begging, etc.
to this....a reminder of what is next, and the option to choose. And, so far, they have responded well...like they really understand that they *chose* this.
Yes, it probably is still 'control' to then not give in and let them stay up later if they ask.....but I view that as part of my job of meeting their needs. TV viewing is a *privilege.* Adequate sleep is a *need*. Especially so for my DS1, who typically doesn't sleep past 7-7:30 no matter *what* time he goes to bed. And to top that off, this particular day was during our first week of kindergarten, when he *must* get up at about 7 in order to have enough time to do what we need to do and arrive at school on time.
But it's far less about me controlling him...and more about me starting to give him tools to control his own world, when he is offered a choice on how to spend his time before bedtime.
Yes, ultimately *I* control when bedtime is....but he's 5...he honestly is not old enough yet (in my mind as a 5 year old, and what I know of his understanding) to self-regulate sleep and bedtime when he has to be at school early in the morning. At 5, he understands what he wants to do *right now* and how he feels *now.*
I see probably the most important job I have as his mom as this...meeting his needs while gradually handing over the control for taking care of his needs to him, as he gains the maturity to handle things himself.
I've already done this with allowing him, and his 3.5 year old sister, the choice of how they will spend their time before they need to take baths, brush teeth, and go to bed.
Their not-yet-2 yr. old brother does not choose yet. He pretty much gets to be inside or outside based on where *I* need to be, because he needs constant supervision.
Eventually, I will determine when I think they have enough maturity to regulate when they go to bed with how they feel in the morning...and *yes* I will still enforce going to school those first few times they don't quite get it right and are tired. How would they learn to move their bedtime earlier if I allowed them to stay home and sleep if they didn't get it right?
Maybe the title of this thread really should be that I refuse to engage in power struggles in an attempt to 'control them.' I'd change it, but I tried and can't.