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prior cesearean mamas

post #1 of 102
Thread Starter 
Whether you are planning a VBAC, HBAC, Repeat C, or like me you just plain don't know yet, come on in, sit down, select the beverage of your choice and tell me a little about yourself.

I had a traumatic birth. Nothing went the way I planned. About 36 hours into my long awaited home birth I transferred to the hospital at a measly 4 cm. 6 hours later I was in post op with a bouncing baby boy and a broken heart.

This is a safe place for previous c/s mamas. I don't care why you had a surgical birth, I don't give a fig what you're planning to do for your next birth. I just want us to have a safe, judgment-free zone where we can support one another in our current pregnancies.
post #2 of 102
Hi there, Holly!

My story is some what similar as well. Our short version of our birth: We planned and went for an all natural hospital birth with 2 amazing midwives. Got to the hospital at 5 cm and continued to labor for another 12 hours. When it came to pushing time, mine and the baby's heart beat plummeted and that's how we ended up in an emergency c/s land.

I don't know what I'm going to do this time and honestly I haven't started to really try and figure it out yet. I just want us all safe and healthy in the end.

I'm really happy you started this thread. Maybe through this thread and our conversations it will become clear for me, which path, of many to take.
post #3 of 102
Hi! I was heartbroken after my c/s with DS after planning so long for natural childbirth. I transfered from a birth center and thankfully had a great c/s experience but it wasn't want I wanted. It took me about 10 months to come to terms with it all, and I wrestled through it nearly every night. I've gotten SO MUCH encouragement from my local ICAN chapter and the VBAC board and feel very motivated and encouraged that I will have a successful VBAC (most likely at a local, supportive hospital).

I encourage anyone who is still working through their feelings or starting to search for info for their next birth to get in touch with http://www.ican-online.org/.
post #4 of 102
Hi! I had a c/s with DD1. It started as an induction and she just wasn't ready to come out so they did a c/s. Not the birth experience I planned, to say the least. I had a wonderful, successful vbac at home with DD2! It was everything I had missed the first time around. It will happen, ladies! I'm planning another homebirth with #3, if everything goes well. I highly recommend the vbac board and ican--both are helpful and encouraging resources.
post #5 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by leigh2006 View Post
I had a wonderful, successful vbac at home with DD2! It was everything I had missed the first time around. It will happen, ladies! I'm planning another homebirth with #3, if everything goes well. I highly recommend the vbac board and ican--both are helpful and encouraging resources.
Did you go back and forth between hbac and a hospital birth? I lean more toward a hospital birth since we do have one here that is VERY supportive of VBAC and has a pretty low c/s rate compared to the country (like 16% I think), and I am interviewing a second midwife who delivers there. We mostly feel homebirth is not for us for this baby, but if this midwife doesn't work out, I think we will interview a homebirth midwife.
post #6 of 102
Thread Starter 
I know if I posted this anywhere else I'd get flames, (but please, if you can't say something nice in this thread please don't say anything at all) but I really don't know if I want to even try to shoot for a VBAC. I know that the hospital I will be going to (military hosp) is very supportive of VBAC, but I have so much fear and anxiety about it that I don't even want to try. I think it would be easier to go in planning a c/s than to end up with another emergency c/s.

I was treated so horribly by the doctors and nurses (at a different, civilian hosp) last time, I'd been in labor for 36 hours and they treated me like turds. I felt violated, they were rough and unkind and rude to my husband and midwives (who came with me and stayed the whole time). And the powerlessness that I felt afterward, the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough.
post #7 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post
Did you go back and forth between hbac and a hospital birth? I lean more toward a hospital birth since we do have one here that is VERY supportive of VBAC and has a pretty low c/s rate compared to the country (like 16% I think), and I am interviewing a second midwife who delivers there. We mostly feel homebirth is not for us for this baby, but if this midwife doesn't work out, I think we will interview a homebirth midwife.
I went back and forth a lot! I switched care providers several times before deciding on a homebirth midwife at the beginning of the second trimester. The hospitals in my area have high c/s rates and are very unfriendly towards vbacs and natural birthing. That was the primary reason I ended up going the homebirth route. I didn't want to have the stress of fighting for my vbac rights while I was in labor. That's awesome if you have a supportive hospital. I think the best place is where you are most comfortable, whether that be a hospital, at home, or in a birth center.
post #8 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
I know if I posted this anywhere else I'd get flames, (but please, if you can't say something nice in this thread please don't say anything at all) but I really don't know if I want to even try to shoot for a VBAC. I know that the hospital I will be going to (military hosp) is very supportive of VBAC, but I have so much fear and anxiety about it that I don't even want to try. I think it would be easier to go in planning a c/s than to end up with another emergency c/s.

I was treated so horribly by the doctors and nurses (at a different, civilian hosp) last time, I'd been in labor for 36 hours and they treated me like turds. I felt violated, they were rough and unkind and rude to my husband and midwives (who came with me and stayed the whole time). And the powerlessness that I felt afterward, the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough.

Nobody should have to go through what you did. I'm so sorry you had such a rotten experience. If you were intested in testing the vbac waters, you could try finding an ican meeting near you. They would be a little bias of course, but it may be encouraging. After an experience like that, though, I can understand why it could be so hard. I think birth can be such a healing thing. No matter which way you decide to go, being in control and comfortable with the situation and seeing your new little one, I hope will heal some of the hurt.
post #9 of 102
I used to feel like my c/s was a big fail, but after being on the vbac forum I realize I was just unprepared. We asked to be induced and I never looked up anything about inductions until I was researching vbacs. I also remember at some point during my labor, the nurse commenting on how I didn't need pitocin any more. I really wonder how long it had been left on when I didn't need it anymore.

This time, I'm ready. I really can't wait to give it another go. I'm strongly leaning towards hypnobabies and I am praying my insurance will cover the mw I want.
post #10 of 102
nerdymom, that experience you had was VERY real and so damaging, I am so sorry that happened. I don't know if you have posted for support on the vbac board or anything, but if you shared what you shared here with your honest feelings and the past trauma, I believe you would find support from others who have been there. Maybe your first stop before even doing that could be to post in the birth trauma thread. You can't gloss it over and say, oh just get past it. It's real, it affected you deeply, and has scarred your perspective on childbirth.

I personally find SO MUCH comfort in hearing from people who were in similar situations and healed. Obviously I would support going for a vbac - however, I know many woman (and these women post on the vbac board and the ICAN sites) that have had very healing CBACs. I do recall that most of them attempted vbac and it resulted in a c/s in the end, but they were in a supportive environment. I think that is KEY and so incredibly essential. That is part of why I am still unsettled on where to birth because I know that to achieve a VBAC for myself personally, I need everyone to be on board who steps in to the room.

Though it hurts, keep visiting these feelings and work through them. I don't know how much you feel that you have healed from your previous birth, but I believe women heal say, 80-90% and then Lord willing, that final bit of healing comes through the next birth.

Many women go full on for a vbac and then circumstances change where they medically need a c/s. That's hard for them but they have peace in the end. It's important to have an encouraging birth, a safe birth, and a birth where it goes down how YOU want it, even if it's maybe not how you initially choose.

It's sooo important to find a care provider who supports your ability to birth. That environment where you were treated poory is such a discouraging enviroment in which to give birth! You must have felt so unsupported.

Keep talking about it, gleaning from others who have had difficulty as well and I am confident that can be used to bring you healing, regardless of how your future birth goes.

Lastly, considering how long your labor was, if you decide to go for a vbac, I would recommend studying optimal fetal positioning. Sometimes long labors can be a result of malpositioning, and if those around you aren't knowledgable (as maybe yours weren't), you are left to your own devices to figure it out (and in the midst of labor, who is going to think of ways to help a baby turn??? yeah right!).
post #11 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
I know if I posted this anywhere else I'd get flames, (but please, if you can't say something nice in this thread please don't say anything at all) but I really don't know if I want to even try to shoot for a VBAC. I know that the hospital I will be going to (military hosp) is very supportive of VBAC, but I have so much fear and anxiety about it that I don't even want to try. I think it would be easier to go in planning a c/s than to end up with another emergency c/s.

I was treated so horribly by the doctors and nurses (at a different, civilian hosp) last time, I'd been in labor for 36 hours and they treated me like turds. I felt violated, they were rough and unkind and rude to my husband and midwives (who came with me and stayed the whole time). And the powerlessness that I felt afterward, the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough.
Do your research and you will know what to do when the time comes. It's scary when a birth is less than what we want it to be but we have to be realistic about all options. You'll know what to do!!
post #12 of 102
I'm a c/s mommy and will be again. I've given birth vaginally twice, but I had a transabdominal cerclage placed in 2007 after recurrent transvaginal cerclage failures. Because of the cerclage, I no longer have the option give birth vaginally. I gave birth to our 12mo old via c/s and (fingers crossed!) will birth this baby the same way many, many months from now.

Because I have experience both ways, I would personally prefer to give birth vaginally, but we each walk our own path. In my case (because of an incompetent cervix), I'm at a big risk of losing my baby and HAPPILY have a modified bionic uterus to keep my little ones tucked safely inside. I do feel like there's little understanding and find that to be so surprising among such a progressive group of women. Thanks for the thread!
post #13 of 102
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by leigh2006 View Post
I went back and forth a lot! I switched care providers several times before deciding on a homebirth midwife at the beginning of the second trimester. The hospitals in my area have high c/s rates and are very unfriendly towards vbacs and natural birthing. That was the primary reason I ended up going the homebirth route. I didn't want to have the stress of fighting for my vbac rights while I was in labor. That's awesome if you have a supportive hospital. I think the best place is where you are most comfortable, whether that be a hospital, at home, or in a birth center.
So true, especially that last bit. I'm sorry you cannot find more supportive birth professionals in your area. This area is also like that, but the military bases are different, from what I am told. If I was trying to make a decision between a civilian hosp and a direct entry mw it would be much harder!

Quote:
Originally Posted by leigh2006 View Post
Nobody should have to go through what you did. I'm so sorry you had such a rotten experience. If you were intested in testing the vbac waters, you could try finding an ican meeting near you. They would be a little bias of course, but it may be encouraging. After an experience like that, though, I can understand why it could be so hard. I think birth can be such a healing thing. No matter which way you decide to go, being in control and comfortable with the situation and seeing your new little one, I hope will heal some of the hurt.
I really should go to a meeting. I haven't yet, even though I know there is a chapter near by. Maybe I will one night soon when DH is home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsberman View Post
I used to feel like my c/s was a big fail, but after being on the vbac forum I realize I was just unprepared. We asked to be induced and I never looked up anything about inductions until I was researching vbacs. I also remember at some point during my labor, the nurse commenting on how I didn't need pitocin any more. I really wonder how long it had been left on when I didn't need it anymore.

This time, I'm ready. I really can't wait to give it another go. I'm strongly leaning towards hypnobabies and I am praying my insurance will cover the mw I want.
Hypnobirthing is amazing! It got me through hours and hours of back labor and all sorts of wretched things, for about 34-36 hours. If I vbac I will be hypnobirthing!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CookAMH View Post
nerdymom, that experience you had was VERY real and so damaging, I am so sorry that happened. I don't know if you have posted for support on the vbac board or anything, but if you shared what you shared here with your honest feelings and the past trauma, I believe you would find support from others who have been there. Maybe your first stop before even doing that could be to post in the birth trauma thread. You can't gloss it over and say, oh just get past it. It's real, it affected you deeply, and has scarred your perspective on childbirth.

I personally find SO MUCH comfort in hearing from people who were in similar situations and healed. Obviously I would support going for a vbac - however, I know many woman (and these women post on the vbac board and the ICAN sites) that have had very healing CBACs. I do recall that most of them attempted vbac and it resulted in a c/s in the end, but they were in a supportive environment. I think that is KEY and so incredibly essential. That is part of why I am still unsettled on where to birth because I know that to achieve a VBAC for myself personally, I need everyone to be on board who steps in to the room.

Though it hurts, keep visiting these feelings and work through them. I don't know how much you feel that you have healed from your previous birth, but I believe women heal say, 80-90% and then Lord willing, that final bit of healing comes through the next birth.

Many women go full on for a vbac and then circumstances change where they medically need a c/s. That's hard for them but they have peace in the end. It's important to have an encouraging birth, a safe birth, and a birth where it goes down how YOU want it, even if it's maybe not how you initially choose.

It's sooo important to find a care provider who supports your ability to birth. That environment where you were treated poory is such a discouraging enviroment in which to give birth! You must have felt so unsupported.

Keep talking about it, gleaning from others who have had difficulty as well and I am confident that can be used to bring you healing, regardless of how your future birth goes.

Lastly, considering how long your labor was, if you decide to go for a vbac, I would recommend studying optimal fetal positioning. Sometimes long labors can be a result of malpositioning, and if those around you aren't knowledgable (as maybe yours weren't), you are left to your own devices to figure it out (and in the midst of labor, who is going to think of ways to help a baby turn??? yeah right!).
There is a lot of food for thought in your post, I will keep mulling it over. I feel like I've healed about 75%. I'm no longer angry about it, I'm sad still but I expect I always will have a little of that. Mostly it's the anxiety of not having met my doctor before, not knowing their policies on VBAC and if they think I'm a candidate for one of the CNMs or not. After my first visit I hope to be more at peace with the situation. Also, we did know a lot about fetal positioning, and we knew he kept flipping from anterior to posterior. I did a lot of positional things to move him around but in the end we discovered (from the surgeons report) that I had a pulled groin muscle that was preventing him from descending all the way. He was also very tangled in the cord, and his head was posterior while his body was halfway to anterior. It was a very awkward position to palpate. It's why they think I didn't dialate past 4cm.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stayseeliz View Post
Do your research and you will know what to do when the time comes. It's scary when a birth is less than what we want it to be but we have to be realistic about all options. You'll know what to do!!
thanks!
post #14 of 102
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by famille_huggins View Post
I'm a c/s mommy and will be again. I've given birth vaginally twice, but I had a transabdominal cerclage placed in 2007 after recurrent transvaginal cerclage failures. Because of the cerclage, I no longer have the option give birth vaginally. I gave birth to our 12mo old via c/s and (fingers crossed!) will birth this baby the same way many, many months from now.

Because I have experience both ways, I would personally prefer to give birth vaginally, but we each walk our own path. In my case (because of an incompetent cervix), I'm at a big risk of losing my baby and HAPPILY have a modified bionic uterus to keep my little ones tucked safely inside. I do feel like there's little understanding and find that to be so surprising among such a progressive group of women. Thanks for the thread!
Wow, what a story! I really love that you are continuing to build your family despite all of that. I completely understand what you mean about the lack of understanding, I saw that a lot in my first DDC. Of course then I didn't understand it all, but now, looking back, those women who were CBACing faced a lot of not very kind questioning. I really hate that. I'm glad you joined in! I will try to keep it going for us, as pressures (and babies) grow!
post #15 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
I know if I posted this anywhere else I'd get flames, (but please, if you can't say something nice in this thread please don't say anything at all) but I really don't know if I want to even try to shoot for a VBAC. I know that the hospital I will be going to (military hosp) is very supportive of VBAC, but I have so much fear and anxiety about it that I don't even want to try. I think it would be easier to go in planning a c/s than to end up with another emergency c/s.

I was treated so horribly by the doctors and nurses (at a different, civilian hosp) last time, I'd been in labor for 36 hours and they treated me like turds. I felt violated, they were rough and unkind and rude to my husband and midwives (who came with me and stayed the whole time). And the powerlessness that I felt afterward, the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough.
Honestly, my VBAC was just as hard as my Cesarean. Recovery was different but took nearly as long. If we didn't want more children I don't know what I do. If this is your last child it is not as big of a deal then if you want more. Even though both experiences for me were fairly traumatic the VBAC was less so because I did do it. I can say I did it.

In a nutshell:

DS - Induced 41 1/2w, sent home. Went back 41w6d to try again. Had a very impatient midwife and ended up with a c/s at 6pm on a Sunday night. I had only been on pit for 4 or 5 hours when she started saying things like, "You better think about whether or not this baby is going to come out of your vagina." Very very about his birth.

DD - Had low milk supply (IGT) with DS so I had been pumping once a day from 39w on to help bring in my help. 39w5d PROM. Lador did not start. 12 hours later I took castor oil, went to hospital 6 hours later, nipple stim to keep labor going, At 33 hours past PROM I agreed to pit. A few hours later I got an epidural because I was utterly exhausted and needed to sleep. After my nap they shut off the epidural but DD's heart was dropping when I was pushing so I was flat on my back pushing uphill. She was born 44 hours after my water broke. My midwife (different practice!) was in the hospital with me for over 24 hours. Yes, she came out of my vagina but I could barely move for days. It was awful.

I can understand the desire for a repeat c/s. I cannot go through labor like that again. My mantra this time is 'NO PIT'. (Although I do know it was necessary last time). I don't know if I can do it without the epidural. Maybe I have a lower pain tolerance than others. I don't know. Thank God babies take 9 months to bake. I need ALL of that time to get myself together.
post #16 of 102
Thread Starter 
wow. that is one hell of a birth. Both of them, but especially your VBAC. So this time have you decided to VBAC unless labor does not start on it's own? And lot's of vitamin C and K for your membranes? wow, what a journey.
post #17 of 102
I wrote out my entire birth for my August 09 DDC after my son was born, but it accidentally all got erased, and I was so mad and tired, and hormonal, I never went back and rewrote it. LOL. So...I'll say it here briefly, and it will make me feel better.

My entire pregnancy and birth was straight from hell...cramps worse than labor, ectopic scares, M/C scares, (morning) sick for 7 months, slept almost 24/7 most of the pregnancy, I was THAT tired, constant heart palpitations, pre-term labor at 32 weeks...I was with a midwife who now, as I look back, I am very angry at how many risks she took with my life and my baby. At 36 weeks, my herbs to stop labor just stopped working, and I KNEW that my body wasn't going to buy them anymore, so I just went off them. I went into labor at 36w1d where I continued to dilate and efface until 37w5d, but he just wouldn't drop. During this time, I was on a halter monitor for my heart and had an echo, which resulted in my HB being nixed. The Cardiologist sent me straight from his office to ER, because my BP was 170/110 expecting my baby to be delivered that night, but because the OB wasn't on my ins, they refused to do anything but monitor and give Nubane. The next day, the Social Services worker came in my room, dropped a phone book in my lap, and said, "find someone who will take you and is on your ins." I called 6-8 groups with 5+ drs each, and NO ONE would take me. They all said I was too high risk with no history with them. Finally, in tears, I told the nurse that I couldn't find anyone, and she said she'd make a call. Enter my WONDERFUL OB, the sweetest man from Nigeria. I couldn't get an appt until 3 days later, but by the time I went in to see him, my BP had risen to 190/120. I went immediately to the hospital, they broke my water and started me on Pit. I did Pitocin for 12 hours with nothing for pain, it was up to 36 drops/hr. When I started there, I was 80% and 7 cm. After 20 hours, and 66 drops/hr, I had gotten to 100%, but was STILL only 7 cm. I had an emergency CS 20 min later.
At my follow up appt, I asked him if I EVER would have delivered that baby on my own. He looked at me, and said, "No, you would not have".

Idk...my MW never said ONE WORD about the condition I was in, that i might need to think about going to the hospital - NOTHING!

So, all that to say, Nerdymom - I hear you. I can only go back to him now, IF I have another CS. Only ONE dr in our entire area of Akron/Canton/Cleveland does VBACs. I haven't made up my mind for sure, but I can tell you, I NEVER want to go through that hell again!
post #18 of 102
I wanted to point out one thing you said nerdymom, you said

"the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough."

I just wanted to say that I know exactly where you're coming from because I've been there too. My 2nd c/s was a "failed" vbac. And as much as it pained me to consent to another c-section, I'll never stop trying because I refuse to acknowledge that I have "failed" at anything. And by giving in to my fear, there are no winners. You have to ask yourself, if you have an elective, scheduled cesarean for this birth, do you think you will feel relief at the end? Because if not then I'd recommend vbac. A vbac experience probably won't be perfect either, but you could at least tell yourself you didn't go down without a fight. For me, I could never throw in the towel... Like I personally look at it like, I DONT want another csection if I had a choice. If I schedule, I know for sure the worst will happen. If I attempt vbac, I've got as good of chance as any for succeeding.

Also I wanted to reiterate whAt someone else said about having more kids. If you want more after this baby and you've had a csection this time, you'll be left with very little choice but to either schedule a csection in a hospital (no TOL allowed) or go the home birth route. That's the situation I'm in with 2 prior sections and no OB will even have a conversation with me about a TOL. I am risked out because of the second csection. I will be home birthing this time so I still have faith I'll get my vbac after all.

I just wanted to give u my perspective on those things. I know it's hard to see and think of every angle which is why mdc is so wonderful! Good luck, whatever you decide!
post #19 of 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerdymom View Post
wow. that is one hell of a birth. Both of them, but especially your VBAC. So this time have you decided to VBAC unless labor does not start on it's own? And lot's of vitamin C and K for your membranes? wow, what a journey.
I'll VBAC no matter what. I'm saving money for a doula and I'll be on my knees the next eight months praying for an easy labor & delivery. Last time I just prayed for a VBAC. I think I need to be more specific. lol.
post #20 of 102
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by JoyfamMama View Post
I wrote out my entire birth for my August 09 DDC after my son was born, but it accidentally all got erased, and I was so mad and tired, and hormonal, I never went back and rewrote it. LOL. So...I'll say it here briefly, and it will make me feel better.

My entire pregnancy and birth was straight from hell...cramps worse than labor, ectopic scares, M/C scares, (morning) sick for 7 months, slept almost 24/7 most of the pregnancy, I was THAT tired, constant heart palpitations, pre-term labor at 32 weeks...I was with a midwife who now, as I look back, I am very angry at how many risks she took with my life and my baby. At 36 weeks, my herbs to stop labor just stopped working, and I KNEW that my body wasn't going to buy them anymore, so I just went off them. I went into labor at 36w1d where I continued to dilate and efface until 37w5d, but he just wouldn't drop. During this time, I was on a halter monitor for my heart and had an echo, which resulted in my HB being nixed. The Cardiologist sent me straight from his office to ER, because my BP was 170/110 expecting my baby to be delivered that night, but because the OB wasn't on my ins, they refused to do anything but monitor and give Nubane. The next day, the Social Services worker came in my room, dropped a phone book in my lap, and said, "find someone who will take you and is on your ins." I called 6-8 groups with 5+ drs each, and NO ONE would take me. They all said I was too high risk with no history with them. Finally, in tears, I told the nurse that I couldn't find anyone, and she said she'd make a call. Enter my WONDERFUL OB, the sweetest man from Nigeria. I couldn't get an appt until 3 days later, but by the time I went in to see him, my BP had risen to 190/120. I went immediately to the hospital, they broke my water and started me on Pit. I did Pitocin for 12 hours with nothing for pain, it was up to 36 drops/hr. When I started there, I was 80% and 7 cm. After 20 hours, and 66 drops/hr, I had gotten to 100%, but was STILL only 7 cm. I had an emergency CS 20 min later.
At my follow up appt, I asked him if I EVER would have delivered that baby on my own. He looked at me, and said, "No, you would not have".

Idk...my MW never said ONE WORD about the condition I was in, that i might need to think about going to the hospital - NOTHING!

So, all that to say, Nerdymom - I hear you. I can only go back to him now, IF I have another CS. Only ONE dr in our entire area of Akron/Canton/Cleveland does VBACs. I haven't made up my mind for sure, but I can tell you, I NEVER want to go through that hell again!
Wow, that is really tough. I cannot believe that an OB could drop you as a patient at that point. I am so sorry your midwife didn't communicate with you better. If you can find a supportive MW, that would probably be your best chance for a VBAC in your situation. I can understand your hesitancy 100% though! Maybe if you interview a few MWs, and see how comfortable you are with them, if it feels natural or not. I will say, not all MWs are created the same. Mine were FANTASTIC, and I am so thankful knowing that I received competent care the whole time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EricaRN View Post
I wanted to point out one thing you said nerdymom, you said

"the knowledge that for the first time in my life I had put my mind to something and I ad failed at it. That was tough."

I just wanted to say that I know exactly where you're coming from because I've been there too. My 2nd c/s was a "failed" vbac. And as much as it pained me to consent to another c-section, I'll never stop trying because I refuse to acknowledge that I have "failed" at anything. And by giving in to my fear, there are no winners. You have to ask yourself, if you have an elective, scheduled cesarean for this birth, do you think you will feel relief at the end? Because if not then I'd recommend vbac. A vbac experience probably won't be perfect either, but you could at least tell yourself you didn't go down without a fight. For me, I could never throw in the towel... Like I personally look at it like, I DONT want another csection if I had a choice. If I schedule, I know for sure the worst will happen. If I attempt vbac, I've got as good of chance as any for succeeding.

Also I wanted to reiterate whAt someone else said about having more kids. If you want more after this baby and you've had a csection this time, you'll be left with very little choice but to either schedule a csection in a hospital (no TOL allowed) or go the home birth route. That's the situation I'm in with 2 prior sections and no OB will even have a conversation with me about a TOL. I am risked out because of the second csection. I will be home birthing this time so I still have faith I'll get my vbac after all.

I just wanted to give u my perspective on those things. I know it's hard to see and think of every angle which is why mdc is so wonderful! Good luck, whatever you decide!
Thanks. Your insight is very encouraging. I know I want to go to my first appointment and have a really honest conversation with my CNM or Ob (whomever they assign me to) about the whole situation and how I feel about it before I make any decisions. But we definitely DO want to have more kids, probably at least 3 but no more than 6. I am fairly certain I will plan a VBAC but it's really scary for me at the same time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taryn237 View Post
I'll VBAC no matter what. I'm saving money for a doula and I'll be on my knees the next eight months praying for an easy labor & delivery. Last time I just prayed for a VBAC. I think I need to be more specific. lol.
rofl!
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