I need help nightweaning - More info post #11

[Super~Single~Mama]

Support only please.

My 19mo is nursing constantly through the night, and I REALLY need sleep. I'm a single mom, full time law student, and I'm going to be taking the bar exam in about 6 months. DS really needs to be nightweaned by then b/c night nursing him is killing me right now. I wake up every day with a dehydration headache (I drink 2-4 liters of water a day - that SHOULD NOT be happening!), and I'm just plain exhausted all the time.

How did you nightwean? I'm single, so no one else can take on nighttime parenting.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a knock down drag out fight, but it needs to happen, and it needs to happen soon. I'm visiting my family right now, but as soon as he's back on his normal routine back home I need to start this.

Any ideas on how? Please don't tell me that he still needs to night nurse - right now his need to night nurse is becoming less important than my need to sleep so that I can support both of us. I just can't take 14 credits of law school classes this semester if I'm not getting sleep. And I REALLY need to pass everything this semester so that I can graduate.

[mystic_eye_cda]

Have you spoken to your doctor

Waking up with a dehydration headache from nursing just seems wrong, could it be something else? Diabetes? Hypothyroidism?

You could try Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers", didn't work for me because it makes my insomnia unlivable but some parents swear by it.

[D_McG]

Jay Gordon's nightweaning method can be effective. For me it was a little too drawn out so I kind of winged it. With my son at least I just offered other methods of comfort and reassured him that we'd nurse the following day. He wasn't thrilled but he got over it. It really was not that traumatic at all (he was 22 mos). With my DD (21 mos) I had to have DH take over b/c she wasn't dealing well. I understand that's not an option for you.

Stay confident and calm. Most likely it'll pass in a few nights. Keep it up beat. You know what your child needs to be happy. And he's not going to be happy if you're a disaster from sleep deprivation. It's OK, really.

[dance]

Hi,
you do sound like you a need a break! 19 months is a long time to have broken sleep. I just night weaned my almost 18 month old so I know what you are going through. I was the same, exhausted and sick of it.
You do have the added difficulty that you are alone, and I applaud your patience so far!
Here's what helped me: Decide you no longer want to nurse from say 12 to 5 am and then just say NO. Yes, it will be hard, he'll cry, though probably less than you imagine. But if you are consistent and just never nurse him during that time anymore he will adapt really quick.
I have to admit that she did continue to wake up for the usual times but no longer nursed and mine is now sleeping through from 8pm until 5:30-6 am. Stick with it, I can't stress enough that you have to stick to your guns, because that'll make it easier for him. And again, it will not be as hard as you are imagining it to be.
If there is anything else I can help you with I would be glad to. Good luck!

[**mom2one**]

Hi,

I can understand what you are going through. I have a 20 month DD who still night nurses - every 2 hours! I am married, but my DH is not much good at night! I love him, but seriously he sleeps through EVERYTHING! We had started night weaning a couple of weeks ago and decided that maybe he should just sleep with her and I slept on the couch - well she just woke up crying for me and then got out of bed and came found me! lol Anyway, it was working pretty good actucally - like pp said just stick with it! The first night was bad - cried a lot the next night better, by I would say the 4th or 5th night she would wake up and just lay her head on my boob and go back to sleep. Then we went on vacation and I gave in so now we are starting over again. So stick with it - maybe try to start on a night where you don't have to be up super early the next day since you will get less sleep the first night. Hang in there - we will get to sleep through the night someday!

[LadyCatherine185]

Hi thyra!

We nightweaned Liam around 19 months old, using the Dr. Jay Gordon Method (you can google the article). We took about a month, and took it a little slower, rather than the 10-day plan he suggests. It worked amazingly well. He didn't cry once. Just fussed a little, then went back to sleep. When he woke up, I would nurse him for about 10 seconds and then unlatch him and say "you need to go back to sleep now" and he'd fuss and roll over and go back to sleep.. then I started just patting him when he woke up rather than nursing right away, and sometimes he'd go back to sleep, but if he got too upset I would let him nurse for 10 seconds again and then he'd go back to sleep. He went from waking every hour, to sleeping 3-5 hour stretches within 2 weeks, and now STTN half the nights and only wakes once the other nights... I think for Liam, he had to get used to not getting those calories at night, and once he did, it was easier for him to sleep without nursing.

good luck!

[justKate]

I want to second (third?) Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning. Here's the link.

We night weaned at 17 months, and it made ALL THE DIFFERENCE in my days although we didn't follow Dr. JG exactly. Wear a high-necked shirt with sleeves to sleep and have an alternative available (sippy cup, whatever). Distract distract. DD, who is incredibly high needs and has sensory issues was "over it" in two days. The hardest part is staying firm. For us, the bed time nurse had to stop before she "got it" but once you break the nurse-to-sleep association, the rest is easy.

It is going to suck for a couple of days, but you will feel better for it.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Thanks everyone! I'm not ready to start just yet - we need to get home from vacay, and then he's going to his dad's for 4 days, and then I want to make sure his routine is pretty solid before I make any changes. So hopefully in 2 weeks we can start.

I'm nervous b/c if I tell him no in the middle of the night he'll start screaming blue murder - and he refuses any other form of comfort from me. He'll take comfort from everyone and anyone else, but from me it has to be the boob anyone else been through that? I expect there will be lots of crying the first few nights

[Everrgreen]

I'm in the same boat with my 19 month old. I am so ready to nightwean. I've been sort of trying the no nursing between 12 and 5 thing, but it's hard. He screams and cries, he may eventually go back to sleep but then he wakes up again like 30 minutes later. If I nurse him he'll sleep for a few hours. I don't know what to do. I'm having a hard time being consistent and saying no, just because he is sooo upset when I won't nurse him at night. And I've tried wearing a well covering shirt and sleeping on my stomach, it doesn't matter. He will fully wake up and start trying to undress me and flip me over.

So, no advice, sorry, but I understand your pain!

[D_McG]

Originally Posted by thyra

Thanks everyone! I'm not ready to start just yet - we need to get home from vacay, and then he's going to his dad's for 4 days, and then I want to make sure his routine is pretty solid before I make any changes. So hopefully in 2 weeks we can start.

I'm nervous b/c if I tell him no in the middle of the night he'll start screaming blue murder - and he refuses any other form of comfort from me. He'll take comfort from everyone and anyone else, but from me it has to be the boob anyone else been through that? I expect there will be lots of crying the first few nights

If he's going away for 4 days I would make that your jumping point. He'll have gone 4 nights without nursing. Keep it up! Before he leaves tell him that when he comes back you guys will x... y... z at night (hug, sing, snuggle, whatever) and then enjoy your rest for the 4 nights and when he gets back keep it calm and reassuring. Keep reminding yourself that you know what you (plural) need.

That's what I'd try, anyway...

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by D_McG

If he's going away for 4 days I would make that your jumping point. He'll have gone 4 nights without nursing. Keep it up! Before he leaves tell him that when he comes back you guys will x... y... z at night (hug, sing, snuggle, whatever) and then enjoy your rest for the 4 nights and when he gets back keep it calm and reassuring. Keep reminding yourself that you know what you (plural) need.

That's what I'd try, anyway...

I've thought about this, but August has been SO tumultuous for DS. First, he was with daddy for 7nights (previously only away from me for 2 nights), he did great, and was fine. Then we went to my parents for 10days 3,000miles away, and now he's at dad's for 4days/3nights.

Also, his dad gives him a bottle at night, and isn't really into working at things that may be difficult (like putting DS back to bed without a bottle).

Maybe I'll try to start with a no nursing from 12-5 like someone suggested earlier, and then expand the window after each overnight with daddy? I just don't know how all this is affected by him not being with me every night - but maybe I'm overthinking it?

He's gone now, and comes back Tuesday evening () I already miss him SO MUCH and can't wait to nurse him again (we both really love nursing, I just need my sleep at night )

Any other thoughts?? I was thinking about waiting until our school yeary routine was firmly established, but I have no idea how long that will take, and his dad is going to be pursuing 50/50 split time in September (I highly doubt it will happen as the custody evaluator said that dad having custody would be inappropriate on all levels, but did recommend liberal visitation).

Ok, I'm done rambling, more advice please???

[D_McG]

I understand your reservations. I do think though that especially if he's going to be spending more time away from you, it might benefit everyone (including his dad) to have him night weaned. Then he'd likely sleep better no matter where he was. (was the 10 day visit to your parents a typical/repeating thing?). Bottles at night carry their own issues. (dental concerns).

I'm sure you'll get other advice and I hope something speaks to you!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by D_McG

I understand your reservations. I do think though that especially if he's going to be spending more time away from you, it might benefit everyone (including his dad) to have him night weaned. Then he'd likely sleep better no matter where he was. (was the 10 day visit to your parents a typical/repeating thing?). Bottles at night carry their own issues. (dental concerns).

I'm sure you'll get other advice and I hope something speaks to you!

Thanks, I'm going to be fighting the increase in time with his dad - and like I said its highly unlikely that it will happen since the custody evaluator recommended that I have full physical and legal custody, and dad just gets liberal visitation.