Having huge separation issues. Ideas?

[MissedMyDecade]

My husband and I split in Jan/Feb. At first he wasn't seeing them much, then he started taking them to his apartment, and now it's been a total of about 30, maybe 40 hours since June 1st. I'm having a problem even leaving for work. I understand the idea of daddy left, we don't see him much, and now mommy has to leave. But it's getting to be a 20 minute process to get out of the door for work. I've tried sitting down with my 3 year old and explaining that I'm going to work, I have to pay bills for the house/food/fun stuff, I'll be back, I always come back, we'll make breakfast in the morning, etc. I'm not really sure what else. Prime example, I went to the gas station a few nights ago and there was a screaming fit for 10 minutes. I was only gone for about 5 minutes. It's overwhelming.

[doubledutch]

during a calm, happy time, acknowledge that goodbyes have been difficult and said, and explain to your child what the new goodbye ritual is going to be, such as one hug, one kiss, "have fun, i love you, bye-bye!" (or whatever you decide). you have to stick to it no matter what. practice it then if you want, making it clear that you are both just pretending (like disappearing behind the couch or her bed or something, not actually walking out the door) and give your child a chance to play mommy saying good bye too. some kids really like the book "the kissing hand" for this. we don't have that book, but other kids at preschool/daycare do it, so ds2 (who is also 3yo) does it too.

at first i tried staying and comforting him for as long as he "needed" but i realized that i was just drawing it out, and the teachers said, "decide what you want it to be like and do that, because whatever you do, he will expect it. do you want it to take 20 minutes every day?" and another good friend, who is a good loving mama, recommended that i "stop, drop and roll". make it quick. it has worked well for us. he still cries sometimes, but most mornings are happy. we've only been doing it for 2.5 months.

[GranoLLLy-girl]

Also consider that it is the age and not necessarily the separation/divorce as being the culprit.
I was married when my kids were that age--and I couldn't even go to the bathroom without a screaming fit.
My suggestion to you is to have a "special toy" that you give to your dc that they are only allowed to play with when you are not there. When you come back, you take the toy back and put it away.
This works well.
I also use a variation of this called the phone bucket. It's a beach bucket filled with toys that I gave to the kids when I was on the phone to keep them from screaming or whatever during important calls. Phone call ends, phone bucket goes back into the closet until the next important phone call.
Anyway, hope that helps!