S/O: Is your circd DH fine with leaving your boy intact?

[Qbear'smama]

This came up in the NYT thread and I found it interesting that the 'tradition' of circumcision in our society is being perpetuated by circd men, wrapped up in their strong feelings about their penises. I guess my DH is a psychological anomaly on some level, he is circd and we discussed it when we found out we were expecting a boy, I expressed my position against it and the reasons to leave our son's penis intact, which he had never really thought much about, and he was like "ok, makes sense, we won't do it then." When I probed to see if he is disturbed about not getting it done and he said, "That was done without my consent, my parents had information then that led them to get it done to me, well, the information I'm getting now is leave it alone, so we'll leave it alone" He totally doesn't see us leaving our son intact is a condamnation of his penis and does not seem threatened by it in the least. Thank goodness!! Obviously with circ rates falling, there are many men who agree to leave their sons intact, I thought it would be interesting to have a thread about other circd men who were ok with this decision, and it could help other circd men see that perspective.

[kittywitty]

Mine is fine with no-circ. He was neutral on the subject until dealing with my ds' meatal stenosis and surgery and then when I researched it, he agrees with me. Hearing details makes him uncomfortable, so he's fine with not circ'ing. Strangely enough, he was pretty pissed when I accidently "liked" a no-circ thing on fb under his name-he didn't sign out as usual and I thought it was my account. Like, really pissed. So I don't know how he really feels sometimes.

[Calleiah]

At first DH was still forming his opinions based on misinformation. The more research I did and the more I told him about not circing, how the foreskin works, etc, he started to agree with me. I think the crowing victory was when he and a coworker were talking about upcoming babies and DH told him we arent circing. His coworker was STUNNED and started spouting off misinformation. DH told his coworker that much of that was wrong and if he had any questions he needed to come talk to me, but that we would not be amputating anything from our newborn. He came home told me about this conversation and then shook his head in dismay that people dont research stuff before signing their newborn up for it. I was so proud!
Our baby is due any time now and I cant wait to see him in all his already perfect glory. I just cant imagine letting someone go after him with a scalpel.

[asunlitrose]

My partner and I don't have kiddos yet, but this was something we discussed within the first two months of our relationship. Intactness of future children is a non-negotiable for me, so I didn't want to get seriously involved with someone who wouldn't budge on the issue.

J is pretty laid-back about everything, and he trusts me, so when I told him how much research I had done he said I obviously knew more about it than he did, and that was that. We have discussions about it every once in a while, and the only concern he seems to have is explaining to any future children why he's circumcised and why they're intact. Apparently he has memories of comparing his own penis to his father's (which...I kind of doubt, but he says he remembers thinking "it looks like mine," and I'm choosing to believe him).

I told him that I have every confidence that he'll know how to talk to our kids, and that he can just be honest. That when he was born, it was very common to do it, and now it isn't and we decided to leave our son(s) alone. I feel like parents are so used to answering many questions that it'll be very organic. I also think when he sees any newborn son we might have he won't be able to imagine harming him.

Speaking of, last night I told him about the whole no-anesthesia-but-sugar-pacifier thing, and he had the most shocked look on his face. Then said sarcastically, "oh YAY." He likes medical info and so we discussed shock and so on.

I guess what I'm saying is that I agree, my partner luckily doesn't correlate it to his own penis in terms of damaged or not, and is willing to listen to research and reason. It's a relief for sure!

[bandgeek]

My current SO is fine with leaving any future sons intact. We don't know that we'll ever have kids, but I brought it up to him anyway, to avoid arguments later. I told him that it wasn't about what I wanted, or about what he wanted, but about what our son would choose for himself. He was fine with that reasoning.

Now, my ex DID have an issue with it, but I don't think it was because he was circ'ed and wanted them to "look alike". We fought and fought and I finally put my foot down. Come to find out, the myths about "dirty foreskins" was SO deep-rooted in my ex, that he didn't seem to hear me when I explained why it wasn't necessary. He really thought it was going to cause a ton of problems! It was just a bunch of misconceptions. He's glad I stood up to him now.

[NSmomtobe]

At first my DH defended it to say that it (his circ) never caused him any problems so he didn`t see the big deal with it. He said it wasn`t painful, and if it was, he couldn`t remember it so it didn`t matter. I think he tried to tell me it looked better--actually, he said it made it look bigger--ha ha. We watched the Penn & Teller episode, and it didn`t affect his feelings at all.

Then I found out that circumcision is not offered in hospitals here, so we were not going to be asked if we wanted it. We would have to seek someone willing to do it and pay out of pocket. When I told him that, he agreed that it was not worth having done if it was going to be such a hassle.

But if I bring up circumcision now (because I have recently become an intactivist), he says, ``DS is not circumcised. Give it a rest. I don`t know why you keep dwelling on this. It makes me think you think there is something wrong with circumcised penises, and that bothers me because I am circumcised.`` So I can`t talk about it at home anymore.

[Sharlla]

x is circ'd and did not want out sons circ'd. he feels very deeply that it is wrong
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[treeoflife3]

We watched penn and tellers circ episode when our daughter was a couple months old (I just happened upon it and started watching and was like 'omg DH, you gotta see this!) and he agreed then that circ didn't need to happen. end of discussion and perfect for me. I already knew I was against so it was a relief there was no need for anything more than just an episode of a funny show.

Then a coworker had him paranoid and worried about some things and he was starting to reconsider thinking it might be a good idea to think about doing it should we ever have a son.

I'm pretty sure he is back on my side though. I gave him a brief overview on why his unsure reasons weren't good enough. We had a bit of an issue over it and haven't talked again (he felt like I didn't care about his feelings and junk) but after some other things, I think he understands my side better and is on the same page.

He never really seemed to care about being circ'd himself. He isn't the type to care at all about his kids looking or being like him. His main concern is and has always been that they are safe and healthy. Actually, the only thing that did have him unsure was connected to possible issues in the future which were inaccurate and still unnecessary but understandable that he was concerned about it. The conversation on it admittantly didn't go how it should have, but I think we'll be fine should we ever have a son.

[russsk]

DH is circ'd and DS is not. I thought DH was pretty neutral about it, but he made some comments about how glad he was that DS is intact after visiting his sister and seeing his nephews, who are circ'd. He just thought it seemed wrong.

[littlest birds]

As soon as I mentioned it, dh agreed with me. Of course I brought it up with "I will never ever be okay with having this done to our child" but he didn't even hesitate to agree and has never said anything against it. He wishes it hadn't been done to him, I discovered after we talked about it a couple of times.

We are philosophically on the same page as far as preferring things in their natural state, across the board. It's such an extreme alteration for such flimsy reasons. Most people without hangups and a mind of their own seem to see that clearly if they look into it at all.

I didn't learn anything about it when I first decided against it. I just knew it was not necessary, it seemed unnatural, and it felt wrong--I only learned more about it later. Why would you keep your babe so safe from so much possible harm, be so protective, and yet authorize something like circ? It seems like a huge contradiction.

[Jenivere]

It was a non issue for us. As far as he is concerned it was done to him without his consent and we had no reason to do it to our own sons. He now refers to it as cosmetic surgery.

[Cheshire]

Totally. He looked into it when we had our son and just said "no."

After learning it isn't necessary we figured why remove something that is meant to be there and was designed for a good reason or else males wouldn't be born with it, ya know.

But, he's also the kind of guy that is completely comfortable in his own skin so it doesn't bother him.

[tammylsmith]

Dh was totally for circ at first and we clashed big time. I told him the "I have a penis" argument wasn't valid, and he dis some research, begrudgingly admitting there was no medical reason for it. he maintained that he couldn't remember the pain, so it couldn't be that bad (the dumbest thing I'd ever heard come out of his mouth) and still won't discuss that part... he's sensitive about it I guess.

Anyhoo, he was still wishy-washy up to the last week, when he had to go talk to his parents, and MIL started to weigh in (I'm sure you can imagine what I was thinking about this point.... but MIL saw the AAP's statement on it and admitted that she might not have had dh circ'd if she had that info)FIL took a neutral stance, so I went to our family doc, who dh trusts implicitly (Indian, not circ'd with intact sons) and then dh went to see him, and finally relented after the doc smacked him (ok, j/k, that's what I was hoping for at that point....

After ds was born, dh admitted I was right, and I've since heard him explaining our position to relatives. He won't talk seriously with me, but we have joked about ho pointless circ is, Dh is touchy about his own role in this, but happy with the outcome for ds.

[Storm Bride]

DH is slightly bothered by my strong feelings on this, because he feels as though I'm saying there's something wrong with his penis. But, he didn't have any issue with leaving ds2 intact. If I weren't so passionate about it, I'm sure he'd have had it done. I don't even think I've won him over, really. It's quite possible that if he remarried (say I'd died or something) and his new wife was pro-circ that he'd go along with that, too. I don't really know. But, he knew how strong my feelings are about this, so he let it go.

[MammaG]

My circ'd DH was happy to leave our boys intact three times over once he'd been exposed to even a few arguments against circ.

He's very happy we left our boys whole.

My only issue is that I now look at him and I think every time about how he must have hurt as a baby and how, well, mulitated it seems now. But it's not anything that overwhelms me, I just have a split-second of sadness for his baby self.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by MammaG

My only issue is that I now look at him and I think every time about how he must have hurt as a baby and how, well, mulitated it seems now. But it's not anything that overwhelms me, I just have a split-second of sadness for his baby self.

I don't have it every time, but I know exactly what you mean. I hate to think of that happening to the baby he was.

[broodymama]

DH didn't want it done to our boys, he saw no reason to put them through it just because his parents had it done to him.

[ammiga]

Dh is circed and was pro-circ until I showed him some facts about circumcision. He did some research on his own, and now is a bit of an intactivist!

[peainthepod]

DH is circed and although we both originally sort of assumed we circ (before I'd done any research about it--all the men I've been with and all the men in my family are circed), after I learned the truth about circumcision, he put up little resistance when I emphatically told him we wouldn't be circumcising our son(s). He was emotional about it at first, but DH is a very logical, reasonable person and I presented him with mountains of evidence that circumcision is entirely unnecessary and a barbaric relic of the past. He's a very honest man and had to admit that not circing made more sense.

I've gently tried to talk to him about it more in depth before, but he gets uncomfortable fast and changes the subject. We did briefly discuss restoration, which seemed promising, but I don't push. I'm just thankful he's willing to trust me on this and most other health issues for our children. If he doesn't want to talk about such a traumatic subject as his own mutilation and the full enormity of what it has meant for his life, I can't really blame him.

[mamadelbosque]

Mines fine w/ it too. When I was preggo w/ ds1 I read about it, quickly decided against it, and told DH that... his initall response was "You do know *I'm* circ'd, right?" to which I replied "yeah, so?" and he kinda shrugged and was like, ok, whatever. After a bit more discussion he was on my side: makes no sense is worthless, so whats the point?