Teen Self-cutting - Page 2

[journeymom]

Wow, this is a helpful thread. My dd's boyfriend abruptly broke up with her a few days ago and in all her tears and confusion, last night she mentioned that he cuts himself sometimes. He may have bipolar disorder. He seems to have withdrawn emotionally.

I'm very angry with him right now because he's purposefully hurting my daughter. But from everything that dd has been pouring out to me in the last few days, it really sounds like he's been having an atrocious time at home. She asked me to tell his mom that (aside from being heartbroken) she's worried about him.

I wonder if I could get a copy of A Bright Red Scream to him with ticking him off or humiliating him.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by journeymom

Wow, this is a helpful thread. My dd's boyfriend abruptly broke up with her a few days ago and in all her tears and confusion, last night she mentioned that he cuts himself sometimes. He may have bipolar disorder. He seems to have withdrawn emotionally.

I'm very angry with him right now because he's purposefully hurting my daughter. But from everything that dd has been pouring out to me in the last few days, it really sounds like he's been having an atrocious time at home. She asked me to tell his mom that (aside from being heartbroken) she's worried about him.

I wonder if I could get a copy of A Bright Red Scream to him with ticking him off or humiliating him.

I've flipped through Cut before and it's decent as well. If nothing else a good book on the subject would be a wonderful resource for you and your daughter...because, chances are, she'll come across this again in her life.

[AmaraMonillas]

Originally Posted by journeymom

She asked me to tell his mom that (aside from being heartbroken) she's worried about him.

I wonder if I could get a copy of A Bright Red Scream to him with ticking him off or humiliating him.

I would pass on the message to his mom that your dd is worried... however I would probably not specifically tell about the self harm unless you know her quite well and are sure she could handle it delicately. If the school has a decent counselor (and/or if you know of a youth leader at a religious org. they are involved in) I would also express some concern there, they should be equipped to help the parents navigate his struggles.

You could mail him the book, maybe with another book (like a graphic novel or something) that he could use as an explanation for the package.

[journeymom]

Thank you AFWife and AmaraMonillas.

[Azadehhast]

This topic feels like such healing to me--everyone sharing their past and present pains, but really all moving forward.

I can certainly understand cutting as it relates to control. My sister (who's 14 and lives with me now) is just *hopefully* getting past cutting, but her cutting definitely stems from her not having control over her own life/time/body. One thing that's made a big difference for her (and also worked for me, when I was thinking of self-harming years ago) is helping her find ways of taking control of her life. She was given the choice of several family members to live with, the choice of where or whether to go to school, and even more simple things like her diet and activity level. This, in conjunction with counseling, really seems to have helped.

Blessings of healing on everyone in this hard time.

[AFWife]

Foxnews ran this article today: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2010/0...rt-themselves/

It's actually really well done (and news stuff around self harm usually isn't IMO)

[rosebuds]

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences.

My dd is 10.5 y/o and has occasionally in an extreme state of frustration exhibited self harm. She has not ever cut herself but has wrung her hands really really hard to cause pain, dug her fingernails into herself and on one particular occasion refused to wear her coat because she said something like she didn't deserve to be warm, she should be cold.

These things have been very random and far between each other but it always scares me...do you think this may turn into something more severe like cutting? I really don't know where to go with this, we don't have money for therapists but of course her well being shouldn't have a dollar figure on it. I once brought her to a community counseling service and the therapist didn't seem to think there was anything outstanding about her situation, gave us some tools of what she could do when upset (writing in a journal, reading a book) all nice ideas but not in the moment of anger if you kwim.

I am curious to know what you think...does this behavior sound like a precursor to more severe self-harm?

[redvlagrl]

Rosebuds - I would worry that your daughter thinks that she "doesn't deserve" to be warm. What would make her think that she was so worthless? I would be quite concerned - not necessarily about the behaviors but her reasoning behind them. This also screams eating disorder to me which is often paired with self injury.

When I was at my most ill, I felt that i didn't deserve to have food or even water and every time I ate or drank it was giving myself something that I hadn't 'earned'.

I would keep your eye out for warning signs with your DD - secrecy about food, not wanting to eat with the family, food hoarding, food going missing, excuses for not eating.

I don't know what the situation with therapists is where you are, but I would try and see someone. She needs to talk about where her low self esteem is coming from. Is it possible she may have been abused?

Sorry to be so alarmist. Perhaps someone can chime in to temper me?