I know there are others here, and I'd like to hear from you. When my daughter was born, I was suffering from pretty severe PTSD. I am a lot better now. I have done a lot of healing in the last years, and am now in a place where PTSD is not affecting my life much any more. Certain triggers can bring back memories of trauma, and I have bad days, but on the whole think I am doing great.
The thing that I am struggling with most now is how my PTSD affected DD. My memories from the time she was born are hazy. I did all the "right things" for DD, and did my best to get her off to a good start. You know, all the AP stuff that everyone on MDC probably does. But mentally, I simply wasn't always present. I was "in my head" still dealing with trauma all the time, and life was shaped around that. I have two kids now, and when my son was born I was in a much better place mentally.
My daughter is a wonderful person, and I love her dearly, but I do feel that there is a "missing link" in our bonding. I feel disconnected from the time she was born, and feel terribly guilty about it. I hate to admit that I feel a stronger bond with my son. I don't want it to be like that at all, bit right now, it is like that. Any tips? How can I improve this? How can I make up for what was missing back then? I hope this doesn't sound too vague, and I really wish someone else can understand what I am talking about. I am terribly worried that my PTSD had a negative impact on DD, and I feel guilty that DS got a better mom when he was born.
The thing that I am struggling with most now is how my PTSD affected DD. My memories from the time she was born are hazy. I did all the "right things" for DD, and did my best to get her off to a good start. You know, all the AP stuff that everyone on MDC probably does. But mentally, I simply wasn't always present. I was "in my head" still dealing with trauma all the time, and life was shaped around that. I have two kids now, and when my son was born I was in a much better place mentally.
My daughter is a wonderful person, and I love her dearly, but I do feel that there is a "missing link" in our bonding. I feel disconnected from the time she was born, and feel terribly guilty about it. I hate to admit that I feel a stronger bond with my son. I don't want it to be like that at all, bit right now, it is like that. Any tips? How can I improve this? How can I make up for what was missing back then? I hope this doesn't sound too vague, and I really wish someone else can understand what I am talking about. I am terribly worried that my PTSD had a negative impact on DD, and I feel guilty that DS got a better mom when he was born.
