About to make the transition from WM to SAHM

[Lucy&Jude'sMama]

Now my SAHM status may only be temporary depending on finances, but for now its looking like I might get at least 5-6 months of being a SAHM starting in October. I'm due with my 2nd the first week of November.

I've wanted to be a SAHM since my daughter was born, but due to financial troubles I had to go back to work full time when she was 2 months old. For the first year I worked 6 days a week and only had 1 day off. I now work 5 days with 2 days off and have for awhile. My partner and I flip flop hours so our daughter has never been in daycare. My mom and my Nana also help to watch her on days when our work hours mingle up. My daughter just turned 2 in July.

My partner and I are both working very hard to find a way to keep me at home. Honestly going back to work isn't even really an option with 2 kids because I would need daycare but my job doesn't pay enough to cover our finances and daycare. Anyways that a whole other financial story... and it is why I say the SAHM status may only be temporary.

Anyways being SAHM is something I've always wanted or at least wanted the option of... but now that its coming so soon... I'm scared. I have no idea where to start or how to even handle it. Keep in mind I'm also in my 3rd trimester with #2 so that's probably part of my problem. My daughter has never been on a schedule. I've tried but working with 3 other people taking care of her... well it just became too much. Personally I've used the easy way out way too much with her when I've come home after working 8-10 hour shift and I just want to sit or take a nap... Movie goes in the DVD player and Winnie the Pooh babysitter number 5 comes on. Ugh! I don't believe watching movies (we do not have cable) is horrible or I'm a horrible parent because I let her watch more movies than she should, but it is something I hope to take down to an every other day or even weekly thing. Because it has become a type of "babysitter" for us when we are tired from working.

Anyways there is so much I want to change in the way she is being raised that I've always felt stuck with because both of us work full time, are super tired all the time, and well parenting some days takes a backseat. I just never got the hang of parenting and working... Maybe because it was never my choice to go back to work? I was just forced to go back... literally... My partner basically became a depressed SAHD and I had to pick up the pieces. (Another story and one that is 85% better than it was). On days when I feel like I'm being a wonderful parent... the house gets left behind and is in a ruckus. In the last 2 years I've just never learned to juggle parenting, working, cleaning, cooking, finances into one neat little balanced bubble.

I kind of feel like I'm starting from scratch and I'm a bit panicked about it. Lately I've been super tired and I've been feeling like a horrid parent. I know there is a lot I'm doing "wrong" and things I need to work on, but I guess I'm posting in hopes not to get advice on those things because I kind of know what needs to be done and already am making steps to try to combat some of my lesser parenting skills. Typically my lesser parent skills come out of being overly tired and not because I think it’s the way things should be. Does that make sense?

What I'd really like from the SAHMs is advice on how to handle this transition? I'd really like to get my daughter on some kind of schedule that I will be able to handle after her brother is born.

Ok that's the other "problem". I don't think I would be feeling as stressed about all of this if I was becoming a SAHM to just my daughter, but my son is coming along a month after. THAT TOTALLY IS FREAKING ME OUT! LOL.

Advice on how to handle it or just words of encouragement would be great. I really do feel like not only am I getting my world turned upside down by going from 1-2 but also by going from working full time to being mommy full time. I mean I'm not crazy to be kind of crapping my pants about it right?

[EzzysMom]

Well I'm in the same situation as about to add #2 into the mix, and my thoughts are 'crap why am I ruining this once I finally got the hang of it all together!'. Pregnancy is a time for anxiety though and worry so it's best to do it one day at a time and one thing at a time. With one child (and two) you will not accomplish what you are used to accomplishing at work. Don't expect you're not going to be tired, unless somehow your children sleep through the night insanely early. I finally wasn't so tired and then got pregnant, so now tired again.

Each day, pick the most important things that need to happen (make dinner, read to DD, etc.) and plan when those will fit in. Leave lots of room for other things to mess it up. Start to outline a schedule, but I wouldn't plan on sticking to it, just a general idea of lunch at noon, nap at 1, etc, for the big things that happen each and every day. Then you'll have to jump in and figure out how to make it work. With two kids, one being a newborn, standards of cleanliness will be lower. I've already let mine slip with being pregnant and feel bad about it, but I can only do so much.

Really, it's about trying to keep the kids alive, fed, clean and have some quality time with them so you have some happiness in your day. I'll be there with you with the newborn real soon! It's a lot of change at once, I wouldn't expect it to be smooth to start for anyone!

[braidmama]

Wow! You are superwomen in my eyes! I have one ds and he is almost 5 months old. I've wanted to badly to be a sahm for some many reasons. I do believe in a lot of feminism but I also enjoy keeping a home (well, trying to but these days I'm pretty much too exhausted to do anything) and want to stay home to rais our son rather than stick him with a babysitter or daycare(which we can't afford, either). The plan was for me too stay home as well but my dp's new job turned out to be less $ than we anticipated and our bills are piling up around us. So many things lately are showing us more and more that I need to be home with our ds...he's a VERY "high needs" baby and nursing and stress levels are so much more manageable when I don't have to set my alarm for 4:45 am for work. Its so good and relieving to know that there are other mama's out there going through this. You both kept at it for a long time so that gives me hope! We also don't have cable and have cut back on most "extra" expenses but still, financially, staying home seems so out of reach...

[Climbergirl]

9 months later, I am still figuring it out. For me, I am trying to do a major declutter/organizing of the house to make things easier for when baby #2 shows up in 18 weeks. Yikes!

I think that is something that takes time. DS was 2 when we moved cross country and I stayed at home with him. It was a shock to both of us and we are still finding our way and I am making peace with that now.

I think realizing that this is going to be a learning curve for you both is helpful. And, for me, I am putting DS in a preschool (1 time a week for 3.5 hours) so that I have time to get a few things done, alone. I figure when the baby comes, that will be "our" time to spend with each other.

Good luck! I don't regret my decision, just wish I could learn faster

[nina_yyc]

I did it and so can you!!

I've been on mat leave after DS for the past 9mo and one more month to go (yiiikes.) Before that my DH and I worked FT for a year.

The big thing I am seeing in your post is that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be a "good"/perfect mom. Really, don't. It's great to have goals and to try to improve but you also need to give yourself a break and remind yourself that as long as you are happy and the kids are loved, everything will be fine. Especially with a new baby in the mix - I would not be killing myself trying to be Martha Stewart. As long as everyone's fed, it's a win.

A lot of the things you mention - parenting, cooking, finances etc - it is always a balancing act whether you SAH or WOH and you don't have to get it perfect. Decide what is most important to you and focus on the one thing until you get a good system in place so you don't have to think about it, then focus on the next thing. When I was transitioning to SAH I noticed that I would make lots of lists and the only things that would get done were those that HAD to get done. So I stopped making lists and started just setting one goal for the day. After awhile I got the house in good enough shape that it's pretty easy to maintain.

I do the schedule thing with my DD but loosely. After breakfast I do housework. If the kids are not into playing alone then DD 'helps' and DS rides on my back. Then we either go out or play. I find this works well for me because DD is a good sport about chores knowing that fun stuff is coming up later. After lunch or whenever we get back in, DD has nap or 30 mins quiet time and then watches TV or video games for a half hour. This is the key to my sanity...it is basically a guaranteed hour of 'me' time or 1:1 baby time. Then we hang out or play until dinner.

Besides the schedule the other key for me is SAHM friends. If you don't have any I would look for a playgroup or check meetup.com. DD is uber-extroverted and I can't meet her need for interaction on my own, so we do playgroup, playdates, storytime at the library, etc. I'm pretty social too and our local AP group has a lot of fantastic moms.

HTH - sorry for rambling. Good luck! Have fun!