How to deal with total burnout

[zuzunel09]

I love my husband and 12 month old son, desperately. However, my husband made it clear I had to go back to work three months ago. I get it; we have debt and times are tough. But I am going crazy...we are both still grieving a miscarriage from a month ago, neither of us gets any sleep because of odd work hours, a teething baby, very physically demanding jobs, and no help from family or friends.

I have been having such violent anger at my situation, usually directed at my husband. I cry all the time because I'm just so tired, my body hurts, and I feel that the battle to be effective at home and work are just futile without sleep or help with housework. I don't even know where to start...my husband says I should just be patient and deal with it instead of seeking medical help or counseling. I feel like I am at the breaking point, and because I am home alone with my baby at night, I don't feel this is safe for him. I am a coward, and would never commit suicide, but when all is said and done, I feel quite hopeless trying to take care of home, family, and a bunch of demanding clients at work.

Please, mamas, help me put things in perspective. I feel a lack of support from everyone in my life and I really don't know what to do. My mind is so scrambled.

[GuildJenn]

That is so hard.

I think you need help of some kind, for sure. It might be a few hours of childcare so you can breathe; it might be a cleaning service once in a blue moon; it might be a different schedule/job. In the meantime is there any way one of you can take sick time so that you can get one solid bout of sleep?

[zuzunel09]

I'm a massage therapist at a chain...no benefits, sick leave, or vacation of any kind. I could ask for an unpaid leave of absence and lose all my clients and be sort of blacklisted upon my return, but I don't think I should. I guess my main problem is...where to start?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by zuzunel09

I'm a massage therapist at a chain...no benefits, sick leave, or vacation of any kind. I could ask for an unpaid leave of absence and lose all my clients and be sort of blacklisted upon my return, but I don't think I should. I guess my main problem is...where to start?

Yeah doesn't sound like a plan.

Can your DH take a day or two off when you would normally be in charge of your child and let you sleep for it? Or can you arrange something on a weekend?

I say that because if you're exhausted and sleep deprived, you won't be able to find the long-term solution that will work for you. You kind of need the sleep first. If you can I would prioritize sleep above everything else for a couple of weeks and then dive into the issues again.

[madskye]

You are dealing with so many things--I would revisit this with your husband and let him know that you still feel you need some medical attention/therapy. You had a miscarriage. You are exhausted. You can only power through so much. Do you have any insurance to cover a few sessions of therapy?

Maybe you don't need a whole leave of absence, but what about just taking one day to rest and regroup? Sometimes one good day can make all the difference. Not sure how much one day off would impact your finances but it would probably be worth it, sanity and rest-wise.

[indie]

I would definitely look into therapy. It doesn't have to be long term, but it can help you figure out what to do so you can manage this. In addition to checking your insurance check into your or your husband's employee assistance program if you have one. Many therapists have sliding scale fees if you don't have insurance. Check around. Also, many clergy will see you a few times for free. Sometimes just talking to someone helps.

[mermaidmother]

It sounds like you are really hurting. I am sorry. Do you have access to any mental health benefits? You even mentioning suicide and that you do not feel it is totally safe for your son means you need some help now. Of course it would be deterimental in a work sense to take leave of absence, but your post was not just another " I wish I could stay home". Your needs sound much more serious and potentially a harmful situation could ensue if you ignore them. Tell your husband or a friend what you wrote. You deserve to get the help you need - that is more important than work at this point. Jobs come and go, but people and families cannot be replaced.

[PPK]

I also recommend getting professional help in anyway you can. I think you are dealing with too much stress and to add a loss to that is heartbreaking to hear.

I've never called (but was close at one point), but there's child abuse hotlines (I'm not saying you would, but they are free and 24/7 and probably have good assistance to ground you out when you need it).

http://www.childhelp.org/pages/hotline

Many prayers for you!

[Happiestever]

I would tell your husband he needs to take on more around the house. You are still recovering physically from your loss, he needs to take that into concern as well. I would post in your tribal area and see if there are some other mama's willing to help. Best Wishes.

[JudiAU]

It is really hard. I am so sorry you are struggling with you. I cried every single day the first year of DS's life about working. And the sleep was just awful. The pattern that worked best for me was to have DS be solely responsible of DS for a stretch of time unless it absolutely required nursing. I put DS to bed, went to bed, and DH was responsible until four hours after that point. If I got a four hour stretch of sleep at night I could deal. I was *very* angry at the time. I had anger directed at pretty much everyone including myself.

The second time it was easier. I don't cry as much. I co-sleep and that helps. DH gets more sleep in another room and is in charge for any DS needs.

Really, considering talking to someone. I am sure it would have helped me. DH was in counseling for another issue, but guilt over non-provider status was a big part of it. It helped him a lot.

It will get better at some point. It sounds like you went back to work at 9m? I found some relief at the 6? 9? 12? mark.