I accepted an invitation from a friend for my son and I to stay at her family's vacation home for a couple nights before going on to meet my husband in a neighboring state for another week of vacation. I am a fairly recent transplant to my home state, and only have only made two friendships, both with mothers who parent very differently than me.
We have been here 1 night, and have one to go, but I'm not sure how i am going to make it through. This friend has a 2yo dd who gets along great with my 2.5yo ds, and a 4.5 yo ds. I am almost 30 weeks pregnant, and traveling alone with ds is doable, but takes all my patience. DS is in the middle of a tantrum stage, perhaps aggravated by all the travel, and hitting me when he's had enough. I am doing a pretty good job of GD, staying calm, giving him down time and space to recover. We also limit his diet of processed/artificial ingreds, and have him on Natural Calm in case of mag deficiency...
The problem is the 4.5yo. His mother is a yeller and a shamer. The boy takes every opportunity to shame, aggravate or control everyone in the room less powerful than him. He is constantly riling up the three unsupervised dogs in the house, pinching, pulling or pushing them in front of my ds while I've been working hard to teach my ds to show kindness and respect to our dog as well as others. He tells my ds what he can and can't do, teases him by mimic whining when he's upset, harasses him in the carseat, pushes, pulls and always gets involved when I am collecting/correcting ds. My friend doesn't see or correct any of his troubling behavior, and often makes excuses for him, or tells him she knows he didn't do it deliberately.
I know the obvious conclusion is to have never come, nor to do it again, but here i am, and I'm hoping for some advice on how to handle the 4.5 yo's interactions with my ds. So far it's been to never leave them alone together, and to coach my son, ie "If you don't like what X is doing, say please stop or walk away", and during story time I remind him that no matter what he sees we make sure to show kindness and respect to people and animals, etc... My concern is the influence the boy has over my son. How much wil he be affected by it? I know it's unfair to dislike a child, but this kid is a real challenge. Add to that his mother/aunt/grandmother who are all present see no need to stop him from abusing the dogs.
While I now know I need to limit my ds's time with this boy, I am interested in keeping the friendship with his mother, despite the parenting choices she makes. I need suggestions with grace and tact
.
We have been here 1 night, and have one to go, but I'm not sure how i am going to make it through. This friend has a 2yo dd who gets along great with my 2.5yo ds, and a 4.5 yo ds. I am almost 30 weeks pregnant, and traveling alone with ds is doable, but takes all my patience. DS is in the middle of a tantrum stage, perhaps aggravated by all the travel, and hitting me when he's had enough. I am doing a pretty good job of GD, staying calm, giving him down time and space to recover. We also limit his diet of processed/artificial ingreds, and have him on Natural Calm in case of mag deficiency...
The problem is the 4.5yo. His mother is a yeller and a shamer. The boy takes every opportunity to shame, aggravate or control everyone in the room less powerful than him. He is constantly riling up the three unsupervised dogs in the house, pinching, pulling or pushing them in front of my ds while I've been working hard to teach my ds to show kindness and respect to our dog as well as others. He tells my ds what he can and can't do, teases him by mimic whining when he's upset, harasses him in the carseat, pushes, pulls and always gets involved when I am collecting/correcting ds. My friend doesn't see or correct any of his troubling behavior, and often makes excuses for him, or tells him she knows he didn't do it deliberately.
I know the obvious conclusion is to have never come, nor to do it again, but here i am, and I'm hoping for some advice on how to handle the 4.5 yo's interactions with my ds. So far it's been to never leave them alone together, and to coach my son, ie "If you don't like what X is doing, say please stop or walk away", and during story time I remind him that no matter what he sees we make sure to show kindness and respect to people and animals, etc... My concern is the influence the boy has over my son. How much wil he be affected by it? I know it's unfair to dislike a child, but this kid is a real challenge. Add to that his mother/aunt/grandmother who are all present see no need to stop him from abusing the dogs.
While I now know I need to limit my ds's time with this boy, I am interested in keeping the friendship with his mother, despite the parenting choices she makes. I need suggestions with grace and tact
.
